Nurturing Parenting Program Session 5&6 Developing Empathy in Children; Meeting Our Needs and the Needs of Our Children & Recognizing and handling Feelings; Helping your children Handle Their Feelings Facilitator: Alicia Phone: (916) 290-8255 Date/time: Monday and Friday 1-3 pm

Lesson 5&6- AGENDA Welcome & Check In Agreement Review Week 5 Competencies Developing Empathy in Children Empathy in Nurturing Parenting Meeting Our Needs – SPICES Evaluation Break Week 6 Competencies Recognizing and Understanding Feelings Helping Your Child Handle their Feelings AAPI Closing Activities –Competency review and Praise Circle Borrow from HV

Updated Schedule 3/24/17: 5 & 6 3/27/17: 7 & 8 3/31/17: 9 4/3/17: 10 4/7/17: 11 (Diana) 4/10/17: 12 (Kristen) 4/14/17: 13 (Misa) 4/17/17: No class 4/21/17: 14 4/24/17: 15 & Graduation

“The nurturer creates the nurtured” WELCOME AND CHECK IN “The nurturer creates the nurtured” How is your week going? Share your favorite quote or personal motto. Attunement Table of Contents

AGREEMENT REVIEW Respect one another Open minded, non judgmental Honest No cross-talk Be caring and empathetic Confidentiality No cell phones! Participate

Lesson 5- COMPETENCIES Parents can describe the importance of empathy in parenting. Parents help children recognize and understand their feelings. Parents can identify ways to promote empathy in children. Parents can identify the six areas of human needs (SPICES). Parents make a plan to get personal needs met on a regular basis. Table of Contents

DEVELOPING EMPATHY IN CHILDREN What does Empathy mean? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_1Rt1R4xbM Why is it an important aspect of parenting? Empathy is the ability for one person to perceive the emotions, needs and desires of another person. It is the ability of one person to walk in the shoes of a nother person and feel what that is like. Empathy simply is the ability to care

DEVELOPING EMPATHY IN CHILDREN Empathy is the ability for one person to perceive the emotions, needs and desires of another person. It is the ability of one person to walk in the shoes of another person and feel what it is like. Empathy is the ability to perceive the emotions, needs and desires of a child: and to be able to respond in a nurturing way, keeping the positive welfare of the child the focus. Empathy is the ability to care

EMPATHY IN NURTURING PARENTING Three Main Components Empathy has to do with the way parents discipline their children. The way children are treated shapes the way children will respond to others in distress. A second part of empathy has to do with the way parents respond to the emotions of a child. Empathetic responses honor the feelings and let the child know their feelings are accepted. A third part of empathy is the ability of parents to be aware of children’s needs and to help children get their needs met. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehaYItwPcfE *love and logic reading What are not acts of empathy? Spanking, hitting, yelling EmpathySympathyDefinition:Understanding what someone else is feeling because you have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in their shoes.Acknowledging a person's emotional hardships and providing comfort and assurance.

EMPATHY IN NURTURING PARENTING Let’s Practice identifying and honoring your child’s feelings First, try to identify or label what someone is feeling. “Sammy, you are really afraid right now, aren’t you? “Sammy, you are angry right now aren’t you? Second, identify why your child feels the way they do. “Why are you so scared Why are you so angry? What made you feel so angry? Third, brainstorm with the child to see if anything needs to be done. “Being afraid that there are monsters in the closet is very scary, What can we do to make you feel safer? -Parents form pairs. One parent will be the child and one will be the parent. -The first step is trying to identify or label what someone is feeling. When parents honor a feeling they first identify it or label it. Sammy you are feeling really afraid right now aren’t you -The second step is to identify why Sammy is feeling scared. Why are you so scared. Sammy will tell you why if she knows why. Sometimes children have feelings and don’t know why. Honoring their feelings is even more important when children don’t know what or why they are feeling something. -The third step is honoring the child’s feelings and brainstorming with the child what, if anything, needs to be done.

EMPATHY IN NURTURING PARENTING What would you say to this child? Step 1: Identify the feeling Step 2: Determine the reason. Step 3: Take Action/Brainstorm – Ask what she feels needs to be done What are not acts of empathy? Spanking, hitting, yelling

MEETING OUR NEEDS AND THE NEEDS OF OUR CHILDREN The basic elements of human beings and all forms of life that dictate and influence behavior. be·hav·ior  Dvd developing empathy Observable responses to specific situations The way in which one acts or conducts oneself and toward others

MEETING OUR NEEDS AND THE NEEDS OF OUR CHILDREN: SPICES Needs can be thought of as being in 6 categories: Social The need for friendship and companionship Physical The need for food, sleep, exercise, air, water Intellectual The need for stimulation of new ideas or thoughts Creative The need to express one’s inner self. Creative needs are expressed in areas like a person’s appearance, dress, dance, poetry and cooking Emotional The need for love, praise, security, trust, and other basic emotions Spiritual The need for belonging and membership. The need to believe in the power of goodness. Dvd developing empathy

MEETING OUR NEEDS AND THE NEEDS OF OUR CHILDREN: SPICES How does behavior relate to needs? BEHAVIOR NEEDS Key Points All behavior is purposeful; that is to get some need met. (i.e. if we are hungry, we eat) Needs dictate behavior; behavior is the function to get needs met. Helping children get their needs met is one of the primary responsibilities of parenting. How do children behave when their needs aren’t met? Dvd developing empathy

Be mindful of the noise level BREAK TIME Be mindful of the noise level No smoking within 100 feet of the front door Please return from breaks on time Table of Contents

Lesson 6 - COMPETENCIES Parents can describe the difference between feelings of comfort and feelings of discomfort Parents can describe the issues of suppressing feelings of discomfort. Parents can describe ways they manage their feelings Parents can identify at least three strategies to help children learn to manage their feelings Parents can describe ways to help children manage their behavior

RECOGNIZING AND UNDERSTANDING FEELINGS Complete the following statement: One feeling I have difficulty handling is __________. When I feel ____________, I usually behave _______________________.

RECOGNIZING AND UNDERSTANDING FEELINGS We store our life experiences Good experiences leave us with good memories and feelings of comfort while bad experiences leave us with unpleasant memories and feelings of discomfort If we do not talk about the bad times and express our feelings of discomfort, we end up suppressing (consciously) or repressing (unconsciously) our feelings hidden (suppressed) What feelings have you been taught to suppress or hide? How does it feel to hide your feelings? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT6M457kbms (dealing with feelings)

RECOGNIZING AND UNDERSTANDING FEELINGS The purpose of having emotions is to express them. All emotions need expression, and the expression of feelings should follow these rules. Respect yourself, don’t hurt yourself Respect others, don’t hurt others Respect the environment, don’t hurt the environment Activity ACTIVITY -Have each parent take one piece of paper and tear it into thirds Have parents write one feeling on each piece of paper. The feeling could be any they want. Instruct each parent to fold each piece of paper into small squares Ask parents to stand up and walk around taking their pieces of paper with them. As parents are walking around, have them notice their freedom of movement. Have each parent drop one of their pieces of paper on the floor and cover it with their shoe. Mention that when we choose to hide our feelings, we are essentially covering them up. Have them continue walking, dragging their paper with them under their shoe. Mention that freedom is restricted when we choose to cover up how we feel or stuff our feelings inside. Next have them drop the second piece of paper on the floor and cover it with their other shoe. Have them walk shuffling both feet as they are covering the pieces of paper. Instruct the parents to drop the third piece of paper on the ground. Keeping both feet on the ground have them cover the third slip with their hand, assuming a three point position. Ask them to move and listen to the moans and groans. Have the parents stop in their position and look around. What do they notice? Instruct parents to pick up their pieces of paper and return to their chair. Note that when we accept what has happened to us, we can move again and get on with life. Ask parents to share the feelings that they wrote down on their paper that they were not allowed to express. Have them notice the range of feelings. Mention that each piece of paper represents an emotion. The more we try and cover up emotions the less freedom we have. The more experiences that a person tries to cover up the more energy it takes. Mention that we receive messages all of our lives that only certain feelings are acceptable or good and the rest are bad.

RECOGNIZING AND UNDERSTANDING FEELINGS Share feelings you have difficulty dealing with Good Feelings Bad Feelings When we feel a feeling, our body responds. Every feeling has a physical expression. After this exercise now we will share feeligns that we have difficulty dealing with. Write the feelings in either the good or bad feelings colum. Explain that instead of referring to feelings as good or bad, refer to the two categories or feelings as FEELINGS OF COMFORT and FEELINGS OF DISCOMFORT. Think back on the messages that you received growing up about expression of feelings and what was “good” or “bad.” The goal here is not to tell you that you need to change every view you have, but rather that by bringing awareness to our belief systems we can discontinue our suffering. We can recognize emotions are feeling comfortable or uncomfortable, and when they are uncomfortable we can express them and not carry them forward with us.

HELPING YOUR CHILDREN HANDLE THEIR FEELINGS What are some feelings children commonly have to deal with?

HELPING YOUR CHILDREN HANDLE THEIR FEELINGS Ways to help Label the feeling you see or think you see Let your child do the talking – Do not dominate the conversation Encourage sharing by looking interested in what they are saying When your child wants something honor the desire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6Wg7L8k55Y Remember: Feelings are always okay and feelings can always be accepted, but not necessarily the behavior. Behavior must have guidelines for appropriateness.

QUESTIONS FOR SELF-REFLECTION Do you let your feelings show or do they hide within you? Do you give your children permission to express their feelings? What feelings does your child have difficulty handling? Why? What can you do to help?

AAPI #2 Please fill it out and keep your eyes on your own work

CLOSING ACTIVITIES Praise Circle Compliment yourself Compliment someone else Share something new

Lesson 6 - COMPETENCIES Parents can describe the difference between feelings of comfort and feelings of discomfort Parents can describe the issues of suppressing feelings of discomfort. Parents can describe ways they manage their feelings Parents can identify at least three strategies to help children learn to manage their feelings Parents can describe ways to help children manage their behavior

Developing Personal Power NEXT CLASS Developing Personal Power Monday, March 27th, 1:00-3:00 pm *please schedule makeup with me if you have missed session!!