Consent, Boundaries & Communication Understanding and Preventing Sexual Violence Trigger warning: images and discussions of sexual violence

Sexual Violence SEXUAL ASSAULT: any form of sexual contact/activity without voluntary consent. Touching, grabbing, forced kissing, oral, anal or vaginal intercourse. SEXUAL HARASSMENT: any communication that attacks another person’s sexuality, identity, safety. Sex without consent is not sex. It is sexual assault.

Consent A voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity. Communicating YES on your own terms. Look for enthusiasm!!!

The LAW Consent for yourself, Trust/Power cannot be used to obtain consent, Implying “NO” = Saying “NO”, Change your mind ANYTIME, Awake, conscious, and sober enough. Has to happen at each stage of the activity.

Age of Consent Age of teen 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 Age of sexual partner   12 13 14 15 16 17 18 Age of sexual partner  A 19 20 21+ Sexual activity is LEGAL - "close in age" exemption applies ILLEGAL A = Anal Intercourse

Stand up for an activity TO SHARE, OR NOT TO SHARE? Stand up for an activity

Coercion When you manipulate, bribe, threaten, or guilt some one into doing something

Boundaries Individual – different for each person Require self-awareness and self-esteem Social – reflect values and beliefs Guidelines for interactions with others Personal, Social, Digital What is acceptable or unacceptable behaviour In every relationship Change and Evolve Short-term (eg. Mood) or Long-term (eg. With experience or age) Establish respect and Communicate

Statistics in Canada 6% of sexual assaults are reported to the police Only 2-4% of all reported sexual assaults are false reports 15% of sexual assault victims are boys under 16 Half of all sexual offenders are married or in long term relationships 60% of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17 80% of sexual assault incidents occur at home 80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim Over 80% of sex crimes victims are women

More Statistics

Wrap up If you love me, you’ll have sex with me I just want to show you how much I care There are plenty of other women who would, you know You are soooo beautiful I can’t help wanting you Oh, come on, you know you want to Why did you come back to my place if you didn’t expect to have sex? Don’t you find me sexy? Don’t you want me? After everything I did for you (dinner, foreplay), this is the least you can do for me Trust me Here are some suggested responses respectively:   If you love me, you’ll respect my feelings and not push me into doing something I’m not ready for. We can do (this). It shows we care about each other just as much There isn’t another one of me. If you want to be with me, you’ll respect my wishes. Thank you, I’m glad you think I’m beautiful, but that doesn’t mean we have to have sex. No. I really don’t. I’ve got a lot of plans for my life, and getting pregnant would screw them up. I came to your place to have fun; we can have fun without having sex. I do find you sexy, but we don’t have to have sex to prove it. I appreciate the things but I will not have sex with you to repay you. I do trust you; I wouldn’t be with you right now if I didn’t.