Nurturing Parenting Program Week 14 Possessive violent relationships Self talk Power Struggles Facilitator: Alicia Phone: (916) 290-8255 Date/time: Mondays & Wednesdays 1-3 pm

AGREEMENT REVIEW We will respect everyone We will listen and not judge We will keep the confidentiality of others We will not crosstalk Our cell phone will be silent We will be positive and help each other out

WEEK 14 - COMPETENCIES Parents will increase their awareness of characteristics of domestic violence. Parents will increase their understanding of possessive and violent relationships. Parents experiencing domestic violence will seek assistance. Parents can understand a parent-child power struggle. Parents can avoid or solve power struggles. Table of Contents

Check in The hardest part of having a long term committed relationship is _______ One thing I learned about me in a relationship is ______

HEALTHY VS UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Respond to the following questions: What are 2 characteristics of a healthy relationship? What are 2 characteristics of an unhealthy relationship? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_ppYTbAUcY

POSSESSIVE RELATIONSHIPS Possessive relationships have conditional love; meaning to have terms or expectations before receiving love Possessive relationships foster feelings of… Insecurity Low-self esteem Fear and Abandonment Jealousy Power and Control Clingy Attachment Neediness Anxiety

POSSESSIVE RELATIONSHIPS How do you know if you are in a possessive relationship? some early Indicators include… Jealousy Partner who is critical of your appearance, physical characteristics, friends or opinions Spending more time together than with friends/family How do you know if you are being treated as a possession? some early Indicators include… Your opinions/feelings are not valued 2. Fear of your partner 3. Force 4. Being ordered to do things 5. Can not leave the person or relationship 6. Your child is manipulated or used as a tool in arguments

WHEN POSSESSIVE RELATIONSHIPS BECOME VIOLENT 1 in 4 women have experienced physical or sexual violence by a dating partner Many admitted to risky behavior, such as unprotected sex, drug use, or unhealthy weight control methods Why would a person stay in a violent relationship? They may see violence and abuse as normal and common They may have witnessed violence between parents and learn that violence is part of relationships Some individuals may not know they are in a violent relationship Possessive relationships can turn into violent relationships when the woman wants to end the relationship, or begins to date someone else

WHEN POSSESSION TURNS TO VIOLENCE: VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS Indicators/Self Reflection Questions Do you make excuses for bruises, or pretend to not have injuries? Do you feel embarrassed to talk about the relationship? Do you turn to drugs or alcohol to “forget” about the pain? These are signs that your unhealthy relationship has turned into a violent relationship

Break Time! See you in 10 minutes!

THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoO8eiUR1pc

THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE cont’d Tension Stage -insults, put downs, threats, and trying to control other persons behavior -”walking on eggshells” -abuser uses tension to control the situation Violent Episode -eventually tension explodes into violent episode -can be physical, sexual, emotional, or any other type of abuse -abuser trying to dominate their partner and gain power and control -abusive partner uses violent episode to gain power and control over their partner Honeymoon Stage -abusive partner is very apologetic -say it will never happen again -may give gifts or may pretend that it will never happen again -may use self-harm or threats of suicide to gain sympathy from the other partner The Calm Stage -abusive partner may have kept some promises but eventually tension starts again -as abuse continues, the calm and the honeymoon stage get shorter and shorter

Cycle of Violence cont’d

POSSESSIVE RELATIONSHIPS What can you do to end the cycle? Leave early on in the relationship when you see indicators of jealousy or controlling Tell friends, family, seek support groups and resources Be strong and know your self worth Do not seek out partners or situations that are high risk – Education is the first step to prevention See List of Resources

USING SELF-TALK This is the message or messages we send ourselves This is how we use our personal power to bring ourselves up, or break ourselves down This helps build our self esteem, self worth, and self concept Use Positive Messages Remind yourself: “No matter what others say, I am still a good person” “No matter what I do, I am still a good person.” Use Affirmations This takes practice – might feel awkward at first, but building positive messages and thoughts improve your personal power and your self-nurturing

Some videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td1PbsV6B80&index=1&list=PLgAA33zp27jhhM4Qy092Ak6oSgs6nO9kU (ted talk about men)

SESSION EVALUATION WEEK 14 - COMPETENCIES 1. Parents will increase their awareness of characteristics of domestic violence. 2. Parents will increase their understanding of possessive and violent relationships. 3. Parents experiencing domestic violence will seek assistance. 4. Parents can understand a parent-child power struggle. 5. Parents can avoid or solve power struggles. Table of Contents

Praise! Don’t let anyone invalidate or minimize how you feel. If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real for you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body. No one else sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important and you deserve to be heard. They are inherently valid and they matter. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise. lessonslearnedinlife.com

See you next week! If you have to make up classes with me stay after so we can schedule them. Two more classes to go, you’re almost there!