SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD NO SUCH THING AS A BULLY SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD Kelly Karius & Dr. Ron Graham

The Problem If you define a problem wrong, or use the wrong steps, it never gets solved. That’s what has happened with bullying. When we call each other bullies or victims, or even worse, say it’s ‘normal’ behavior we move away from solutions. Changing the language changes the perspective. If a problem is defined incorrectly we will be forever creating solutions that are ineffective. Currently we are creating a culture of labeling, bullies and victims. This method absolves the bystander of responsibility and it encourages children to develop personalities around the labels they are given. There is no difference in the skills needed by all children/students. All people need to develop the same skill set of communication skills, thinking skills and problem solving skills in order to bring out positive behaviors. The problem: We are living in a culture that engages in negativity and power struggles. We haven’t had the opportunity to learn strong balanced thinking, confidence, and communication skills that keep us from using bully actions and victim responses.

A Solution Changing Language Changing Perceptions Have you ever: Kicked someone? Hit someone? Called someone a name? Left someone out on purpose? When I do a presentation, I ask the group “Who in here is a bully?” Usually no one answers. And then I ask the other questions that are listed, or add more, until everyone has raised their hands. This is used to show that ALL of us use a bully action sometimes. – all of us also use a victim response sometimes. Everyone needs to look at their own actions, and stand up for others, in order to solve this problem.

The New Perception All of us, including adults, young adults and smaller children, use bully actions and victim responses at times. At ALL times, each of us is a bystander. Awareness of our own actions will allow us not to use bully actions and victim responses…we can break patterns of behavior that have been created. Being a strong bystander takes practice, and I suggest role playing with friends so that we are ready. Even adults, confronted by aggressive behavior, don’t know what to do. Picture an adult seeing domestic violence on a street…how many stop, how many do something? Not many, because we don’t have the practice or the confidence. This dateline program shows really well how we can get carried away AND how bystander behavior affects bully actions. http://insidedateline.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/02/28/6155462-march-6-2011-my-kid-would-never-bully?lite

The Effects of Bullying Depression Suicidal thoughts and actions Long term regrets Disrupted Relationships Delay in knowing and appreciating oneself Delayed development and goals Okay Adam, this slide could become six slides if we want to, with an explanation of how both using and receiving bully actions can lead to these things. Surprisingly, whether a person is using or receiving bully actions, these can still be the results. If we want to make this into six slides we can add more detail about what each of these things look like too.

Depression Syptoms Long lasting sadness or irritability Overreactive outbursts of crying or anger Loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy Withdrawal from other people, both family & friends Changes in sleep patterns, either sleeping a lot or not being able to sleep Sudden changes in appetite or eating habits Feeling tired or slow Being restless, anxious, or worried Not being able to concentrate or think clearly

Depression Symptoms Feeling worthless, guilty, helpless, or hopeless Aches and pains with no obvious physical cause Thinking or talking about death or suicide. Active: I am going to kill myself Passive: The world(or family/friends) would be better off without me. Giving away prized possessions or saying good-bye to people can be sign of suicidal thoughts or intentions.

Depression Statistics 4/40 teens experience depression. 3/40 teenagers have some symptoms. 2/7 of teens with depression develop drug or alcohol abuse. 2/7 teens with depression have a family history of it. 2/40 will experience a bout of depression more than once in their teenage years. 1 out of 4 teens with depression will seek help. 1 out of 4 teens with depression will suffer severely for a full year. Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide. 4/40 teens experience depression. 3/40 teenagers have some symptoms. 2/7 of teens with depression develop drug or alcohol abuse. 2/7 teens with depression have a family history of it. 2/40 will experience a bout of depression more than once in their teenage years. 1 out of 4 teens with depression will seek help. 1 out of 4 teens with depression will suffer severely for a full year. Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide. http://www.teenhelp.com/teen-depression/depression-statistics.html

The Link Between Depression & Bullying Let’s just talk common sense…no research. People need people. People feel rejection deeply, even when they say they don’t. Each one of us, whatever ‘label’ we ascribe to, or avoid, wants to be loved for the person that we are. When we are rejected through bully actions, it has an emotional effect. When we use bully action, if we REALLY let ourselves think and examine it, it has an emotional effect.

What We Can Do If each of us can: Prevent our own bully actions, Utilize coping skills that are not victim responses Be strong confident bystanders Be aware of the feelings of others Be aware of the consequences of our actions on self and others

Using a Bully Action You are using a bully action if you 1. want to hurt someone. 2. do something that hurts them. 3. are stronger than them in some way. 4. hurt them more than once. 5. use your extra power to hurt them. 6. enjoy hurting people. 7. cause them to feel sad and helpless.

Receiving a Bully Action You are experiencing bully actions if: 1. someone wants to hurt you. 2. someone does something that hurts you. 3. the person is stronger than you in some way. 4. the person hurts you more than once. 5. the person uses her extra power to hurt you. 6. the person enjoys hurting you 7. you feel sad and helpless.

24 Hour Stake Out October 20 & 21 http://facebook.com/bully.stakeout Songs, stories, resources

Websites nosuchthingasabully.com Bullyoutreachproject.com Facebook.com/bully.stakeout Facebook.com/nosuchthingasabully Momentofkindness.com