Dealing with Difficult Students Jose Gonzalez II, MA, LPC Counseling & Testing Center Dealing with Difficult Students

Disruptive/Difficult Situations Missing classes Entering residence hall after hours Violating code of student conduct Cutting/Self-mutilating behavior Anger outbursts Other mental health concerns (i.e. Bulimia)

Barriers to Effective Communication Judging Criticizing Name-calling Diagnosing Praising Evaluatively Sending Solutions Ordering Threatening Moralizing Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning Advising Avoiding the others concerns Diverting Logical Arguments Reassuring Criticizing – “You brought it on yourself”, “You’re to blame” Name-Calling – “What an idiot”, “You are just like every insensitive male” Diagnosing – “Just because you went to college you think you are better than I”, “You do that because you don’t know how to trust” Praising Evaluatively – “You’re such a good girl”, “You’re such a great pianist” Ordering – “Do your work right now!”… “because I said so” Threatening – “You’ll do it or else” Moralizing – “You shouldn’t….think about….”, “You should apologize” Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning – “Why did you do that?” “What were you thinking?” Advising – “If I were you I would…”, “that’s easy…” Diverting – “Let’s talk about something more pleasant”, “think you’ve got it bad…” Logical Argument – “Look at the facts”, “That’s not being rational” Reassuring – “It’ll be ok don’t worry”, “You can make it”

Notes Communication built on trust Does not mean you CANNOT say some of these things Wording is very important Trust: if you are going to say some of these things (i.e., constructive criticism, advising) it should be in the context of a trusting relationship Does not mean you CANNOT: giving advice or being rational is not BAD; however, in difficult situations it can be a barrier.

Body Language Posture Body Motion Eye contact Posture: - incline body toward the speaker - face the other squarely - maintain an open position - position yourself at an appropriate distance from the speaker maintain eye level Body Motion avoid distracting motions and gestures & stimuli Fiddling with pencil Fidgeting Cracking knuckles Eye Contact: Triangle method Look at one eye for 5 seconds Other eye for 5 seconds Mouth for 5 seconds Repeat

DO’s of difficult situations DO allow the person to vent and explain what is upsetting him/her. DO be aware of your physical environment for your personal safety DO set limits. Explain what behaviors are acceptable. For example, “I will be willing to speak with you as soon as you lower your voice.” DO offer to make referrals. If possible, offer the name of an individual who may be able to help.

DON’Ts of Difficult Situations DON’T interrupt, especially during the peak of the person’s anger. DON’T minimize the situation. DON’T get into an argument or shouting match. DON’T touch.

General Tips Remain calm Try to set a positive tone to the conversation Behavior vs. them as a person Avoid win-lose conflicts Treat all students respectfully Be aware of cultural differences Speak in private

Discussion What have been some of the more difficult situations that you had to deal with? What worked in the situation? What could have been done differently?