By Donna Brown
A way of focusing your attention that can produce significant benefits Opposite of multi-tasking
Rebecca Shafir writes “our environment with its constant bombardment of stimuli challenges your innate ability to relax and focus on one task at a time.”
We listen to obtain information We listen to understand We listen for enjoyment We listen to learn Listen Effectively from “Hitch” GH8M GH8M
We remember 25% to 50% of what we hear. That means when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers, or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to half of the conversation. Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness
By understanding your personal style of communicating, you will go along way towards creating good and lasting impressions of others The average person speaks at 125 words per minute, yet we can process up to 500 words per minute.
The process of listening, clarifying, giving feedback, and self-disclosing. It involves the participation of both parties in verbal and non-verbal ways. The use of “I” statements is imperative.
Look the speaker in the face most of the time, especially look at his/her eyes If you forget to make eye contact, speaker may think you are bored, withdrawn, or simply not listening Be culturally sensitive: some individuals may be uncomfortable with too much direct eye contact
Sit or stand in a comfortable position Aim your body in the general direction of the speaker Try to be relaxed Be aware of other non-verbals: placement of arms, leaning forward when necessary, head nodding, degree of personal space, smiling
State in your own words what someone has just said Some common ways to lead into paraphrases are: What I hear you saying is…. In other words…. So basically how you felt was… What happened was… Sounds like you’re feeling… The speaker has the chance to make the message more clear if he/she doesn’t think you really understood
If something the speaker said is unclear, ask him/her a question to get more information Asking questions make you an active, interested listener The speaker can tell you have been listening enough to have a question and care enough to ask Ask open ended questions: Could you give me an example…
When the speaker stops or pauses, make comments about the same subject If you change the topic suddenly, she/he may think you weren’t listening If the speaker asks a question, your answer can show you were listening Use silence to your benefit versus attempting to fill the conversation with constant talk
Feedback should always be given in an honest and supportive way Empathy: identify with the speaker’s feelings. It can be difficult if you have different life experiences or would try a different solution Openness: be a supportive, but neutral listener. Be careful of judgments. Awareness: be aware of your own biases. We all have them, it’s human nature
Effective Listening: ixg ixg
A two-way flow of information keeps listeners focused and involved The listener is more involved if he/she can break in from time to time to clarify, check out the message, etc If the listener is involved, then he/she is more likely to listen well and attentively Sometimes the speaker’s control of the message is too rigid and this blocks a two- way flow. Ex: lecturing, giving advice, reprimanding
Avoid clouding up your listening attention with assumptions about: What the other person is trying to say What they really mean What they want the listener to do, etc Assumptions are often not accurate They certainly prevent the listener from focusing on what’s being said If I’m assuming, I’m not listening
Most people have definite private buzz words which will have a definite emotional charge, sometimes positive, sometimes more negative When listeners hear their own buzz words, they’re apt to reject or accept the whole message When the buzz words hits, the listening stops
Listeners who feel challenged by what they hear may begin formulating their own counter-arguments while the message is still in route The listener has shifted focus to refuting what the speaker has “mistakenly” said
Other things in the environment Things in the listener’s own mind
In our haste to share our own ideas, we cut others off This conveys to the speaker that you do not value what they have to say
It takes a lot of concentration to be an active listener Be deliberate with your listening Your goal is truly hear what the other person is saying Concentrate on the message; do not let your mind wander Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase Is anybody listening? sTJI sTJI
“How to be a Good Listener” 8_How_to_be_a_good_listener.pdf 8_How_to_be_a_good_listener.pdf