1. STEVEN P. OBER ED.D. CHRYSALIS EXECUTIVE COACHING & CONSULTING JUNE 30, 2009 Creating Your Leadership Story

2. AGENDA How I got into this Work Premises Underlying the Work Example Experience/Conversation Steps in Leadership Story Work Learning so Far 4 March 2016 2

3. How I got into this Work 4 March 2016 3 Large Change Project/Company Turnaround  CEO: We need a personal as well as an organizational journey  Exec Team told each other their stories—how they got to today  Transformed them  As CEO went around the company talking about the change, he told his personal story, and asked others to tell theirs  To break down barriers and help resolve conflicts—they started by telling one another their story re the company  Ultimately, they used strategic storytelling to finalize their new strategy

4. How I got into this Work 4 March 2016 4 Adopted David Kantor’s model of our life journey In other change work and coaching  Began to notice the stories the storylines “under” the leadership challenges executives talked about  How powerful the storylines were  How people tended to repeat them  Dramatic connection between how leaders lead, and the story they told themselves about their experience in their first system Formulated the work we are talking about today

5. Essence of the Work 4 March 2016 5 How leaders tend to lead in complex systems Why they lead as they do (their stories) How they can reframe/enhance their leadership storyline and be markedly more effective Experience Reverence: these are the narratives people have created about their experience of the human condition

6. Premises 4 March 2016 6 1. We are each living out a core systemic story 2. It reflects how we learned to be effective, to survive, to protect ourselves, to be safe, to be noticed, to avoid being noticed in the first system of which we were a member 3. Our core storyline is the story we have told ourselves about our experience in that system 4. We can learn to see our basic storyline, see how it is influencing our behavior, and recognize how it helps and how it holds us back 5. We can learn to see our stories anew and create new storyline—past, present, and future

7. Example Health Care Executives Leading in Complex Systems “What is the most difficult leadership challenge you are facing, and how are you dealing with it? Disparate Groups—Board, docs, other staff, patients, community I have to hold the system together by keeping them all happy 4 March 2016 7

8. Example 4 March 2016 Storyline: You are in a difficult situation with several difficult groups. You feel responsible for holding the system together, and you believe you need to keep everyone happy in order to do that. Correct Is that a familiar storyline for you? Have you found yourself playing that role before in other situations? Oh yes, I’ve almost always done that 8

9. Example 4 March 2016 9 How about in your original systemic story—your story in your family of origin? What was your story there? I was the youngest child Most of my brothers and sisters were away I felt I had to hold the family together by keeping everyone happy Oh my, it’s the same story!

10. Examples 4 March 2016 10 As went around room, for every executive, the way they were handling their most difficult leadership challenge mirrored the storyline of their original systemic story. The way they were leading in tough situations mirrored the story they had told themselves about their experience in their family of origin.

11. Experience/Conversation 4 March 2016 11 Answer for yourself two questions: 1. What is the most difficult professional/leadership challenge you are dealing with right now? 1. How are you dealing with it?  Thinking  Feeling  Doing

12. Experience/Conversation 4 March 2016 12 Now, identify the storyline about how you are handing your biggest challenge Is that storyline and the role you are playing familiar to you? Have you experienced them before? Did this storyline play out in your family of origin? How?

13. Steps in Leadership Story Work 4 March 2016 13 Assess your own ability and comfort level Decide whether your client will go there and will profit from it Always, always, get permission from a person to work with them on their story Start with the present  With a real leadership challenge—grounds it, makes it relevant  A really challenging high stakes situation works best Listen, identify the storyline, check it with your client, test to see if it has repeated

14. Steps in Leadership Story Work 4 March 2016 14 Ask how the storyline played out in the person’s family of origin story Explore parallels between the original systemic story and what’s happening now Help your client see the choices their original story gives them, and help them see other choices Support them in making other choices and learning from what “comes up” Support them in making aligned changes in their behavior, in how hey think and feel about it, and in their larger system

15. Learning from the Work 4 March 2016 15 The parallels are striking People seem very willing to go there People get deep insights very quickly Stories tend to have common elements  Conditions  Currency  Faustian Bargain  Responsibility to hold the family together

16. Learning from the Work 4 March 2016 16 People often haven’t thought about implications for the workplace Continued value over time Holographic moments Route to creating new story seems to be through the old story The “moment of grace” comes when people learn to befriend their story and see it as a source of life wisdom

17. Contact Information 4 March 2016 17 Steven P. Ober Ed.d. Chrysalis Executive Coaching & Consulting 978.363.2708 Steve@ChrysalisCoaching.org www.ChrysalisCoaching.org