1. Courageous conversations

2. Helpful resources

3. Objective
To explore the way in which we speak to one another and learn how to have courageous conversations

4. Starting with Scripture
God created us in his own image - made for relationship/attachment

5. What is the reality? We see poor attachments with:
Relationship breakdown
Family dysfunction
Church and business disruption
Relational challenges

6. The Demon Dialogues Find the bad guy The Protest Polka
The GOOD NEWS - you can change things

7. Benefits of courageous conversations
Preserving love
Resolving alienation
Empowering
Solving problems
Building growth
Clarifiying reality

8. 1. Get yourself ready Why you need to be ready
Get the log/plank out of your own eye
Own your own failure and stop playing the victim
Own your own motives
Own your own fears
Own the other person’s complaints about you
Own your own distortion of who the other person is

9. Deal with your emotions and healing somewhere else
Get plugged in
Script what you want to say
Practice/role play
Get expectations into proper perspective

10. 2 Be emotionally present
Be warm
Be in a conversation and not in a lecture
Connect even with the differences
Observe yourself

11. 3. Be clear about ‘you‘ and ‘I’
Look at it empathetically
Be clear in your own mind
Speak from your need and not his/hers
Be humble

12. 4. Clarify the problem Clarify the nature of the problem
Clarify the effects of the problem
Clarify your desire for change

13. 5. Balance grace and truth
Keep in mind that the other person needs both just as you do
Lead with grace
Keep both elements present at the same time
Be aware of your imbalances
When in doubt go with grace

14. 6. Apologise for you part in the problem

15. 7. Use the formula , when you do x I feel y
Concentrate on feelings
Identify your feelings
Stick to you experience

16. 8. Apologise for you part in the problem

17. 9. Avoid ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’

18. 10. Be specific, specific, specific
Sometimes make notes - the importance of documentation
Be careful with language

19. Work sheet Identify a situation that you need to address
Why is this a challenge for you?
Preparation
What is your position?
How can you illustrate your thinking, how will you test your view?
What might their reaction be?