1. copyright, ed young, PhD 1 LESSON 11 UNDERSTANDING AND DEALING WITH STUDENTS’ DISORIENTED FEELINGS IN THE CLASSROOM UNDER CONSTRUCTION Presented by THE NATURAL SYSTEMS INSTITUTE

2. copyright, ed young, PhD 2 DEALING WITH INTOLERABLE OR DISORIENTING FEELINGS A NATURAL SYSTEMS VERSUS A MEDICAL MODEL APPROACH

3. copyright, ed young, PhD 3 4 4..Escalating -Eruption 3 3..Escalating -Out of control The Disorganization of Thought Processes Under the Influence of Intense Emotion 4. Bizarre, Chaotic - Illusions and Delusions. Thought totally under the control of emotion. 4 3 3. Escalating - Irrational As emotions, such as anger, passion, fear, increase in intensity, temporal and social perspectives diminish and thinking becomes more irrational and less grounded in reality. 2 2..Escalating -Intense 2 2..Intense -Biased 1 1. Thinking: Cool, Rational 1. Initialemotionalexperience 1

4. copyright, ed young, PhD 4 The Right-Now-Relief-Medicine Versus Enduring Suffering and Learning to Grow I’m anxious! I’m angry! I’m depressed! I’m keyed up! I have painful longing! I’m confused! I need relief from this intolerable psychological discomfort right away. I’ll ask my doctor for a pill. Ahhh! Relief at last. Now we don’t have to cope with those awful feelings anymore. We don’t have to try to make our egos grow and understand the situation causing the discomfort, what it is about us that makes us react that way, get a perspective on experiencing feelings like that, or learn, practice, and master strategies for handling the situation and our feelings. All that takes so much work and takes so long. We’d rather take the pill the rest of our lives than to have to go through all that growth stuff before we gain mastery and then get relief.

5. copyright, ed young, PhD 5 Observing a person from the outside and at a distance, we do not see or understand the processes that are going on inside their head or mind. We never can under any circumstances. TAKING A LOOK AT THE MICROSCOPIC PROCESSES INSIDE THE MIND Listening and observing carefully and deeply, over time, we begin to understand these inner processes. Magnified by careful listening and observation

6. copyright, ed young, PhD 6 CHOOSING OUR LEVEL OF PERSPECTIVE FOR UNDERSTANDING OTHERS Perceptions, feelings, reactions, thoughts, projections and strategizing, intentions, feedback and evaluating, self correcting, and storing in memory all occur together, usually in sequence, and flow in patterns. These patterns are written large and written small. Larger patterns are replicated but with respect to finer detail within smaller patterns. We choose the level of perspective from which we try to understand the other person. At whatever level of perspective we take, we can check repeatedly with the person to see if our guess as to what is going on is correct in order to try to understand the other person more deeply and correctly.

7. copyright, ed young, PhD 7 Thoughts keep cycling in patterns. Sometimes, under painful or terrifying emotions, thoughts wildly whirl and one’s mind seems out of control. This magnifies the terror. Thoughts are no longer capable of being rational or in one’s best interest. Behavior becomes impelled by the painful emotions. What Happens When We Do Get Inside the Head of Another? This is what we see!

8. copyright, ed young, PhD 8 Sometimes thoughts plummet down in despair, becomes ponderous, then sink into a black hole of nothingness. This also magnifies the terror. Yet, now, the painful, numbing emotions immobilize as though one were dead. Getting Inside the Mind of Another Is Somewhat Like Seeing a Galaxy Through a Hubbell Telescope. Sometimes You See a Whirling Mass of Chaos and Sometimes You See a Black Hole. Fueled by Emotion

9. copyright, ed young, PhD 9 RESORTING TO A NON PERSONAL SOLUTION OR TREATMENT The Sense of Powerlessness Over the Dysfunctional Patterns of Thinking and Emotion Makes One Feel As Though Something Outside Oneself Must Stop the Madness. That Something Outside Must Not Be Anyone Who Is a Part of the Problem, Like Family Members. In This State, the Person Wants No Intruders That Might Judge or Advise. This Is Highly Frustrating to Close Family and Friends Who, Then, Turn to Mechanical or Chemical Antidotes. Please, if you won’t listen to us, go to a doctor and take a pill so we can relax!! Ego getting weaker and weaker and more and more fragile. Dependency and withdrawal pain increase, confirming the need for the medicine. Thank goodness that now I don’t have to worry about how to cope and grow. I can just take something quick and no one will be bent out of shape over the way I’m feeling, thinking, or acting!!!

10. copyright, ed young, PhD 10 Relating to the Intolerable Emotion Emotions becoming intolerable. Thoughts whirling into extreme confusion or blanking out completely from the intensity of the emotion.

11. copyright, ed young, PhD 11 Learning to Gradually Simmer Down. I’m going to stop and focus on the emotion. Really sense what it is like. Really think about what it is like, why I am having it, what it is doing to me. And now I’m going to stop and realize this emotion is not going to kill me and is not going to last forever. The causal situation is not going to last forever, or I will eventually be able to cope with it, or to live with it, but I can survive it! Life will go on. I’m starting to calm down a little. I bet if I keep this up and then start focusing on something non threatening outside of myself, I will really calm down. Then I can start over and try to think the situation through rationally.

12. copyright, ed young, PhD 12 Escalating Emotions and Irrationality Vs. Deescalating and Rationality.. I’m getting angry. How can I communicate what I feel?.. Listen, please. I want you to hear what I am going to say and to understand what I feel. I’ll say it as calmly and clearly as I can... OK. Now that you understand what I am getting angry about, can we try to work something out, negotiate a compromise? I feel better about this already. Two scenarios for dealing with anger. The first case focuses outside of the self on the source of the anger. The second case focuses on one’s own feelings and trying to communicate clearly about the issue to the other person. In the first case, anger (and other extreme emotions) escalates and nothing is communicated or solved. Hard feelings will be lurking in wait for the next encounter. In the second case, anger is understood and communicated, deescalates, and the problem is resolved... Stop it! You’re making me angry... *#@~`>+=%*”&! I’m really getting mad. I hate you! Get out. *#@~`>+=%*”&! I’m breaking everything... FirstFirst SecondSecond Learning to cope and develop a stronger ego.

13. copyright, ed young, PhD 13 ALTERNATIVE WAYS OF DEALING WITH INTOLERABLE OR DISORIENTING FEELINGS Temporarily Increase Psychotherapy Visits. Stay In Close Contact With A Friend Or Relative, Who Is Not A Part Of The Problem, As A Supporter, Especially Evenings And Nights. Work Out A Regimen To Help In Getting Through The Tough Time. Make As Few Additional Major Changes As Possible. Temporarily Avoid Being Around Disturbing Family, Friends, Or Associates. Keep Up A Healthy Diet. Take Mega Vitamins, Minerals, And Amino Acids Daily. Take Time, Several Times A Day, For 15 To 20 Minutes Each Time, To Engage In Relaxation. Do Light Exercise Before Going To Bed, Followed By A Warm Shower Ending With Luke Warm. Regularly Write About Feelings And Situations In A Journal, Especially Before Going To Bed. Use Relaxation Techniques And Tapes In Bed At Night To Relax, Do Not Try To Sleep, Do Not Try To Control Thoughts. Briefly Write Disturbing Thoughts In Journal And Then Lie Back Down To Relax. Accept The Fact That You Will Have To Expend Great Energy And Time On Your Therapy At This Time And Will Have To Endure The Discomfort Until You Grow, Gain Mastery, And Develop Ego Strength. Life Will Become Bearable Again.

14. copyright, ed young, PhD 14 A Sense of Mastery Comes From Realizing You Made It Through the Emotional Storm, on Your Own, With Minimal Medication. You Feel So Much Stronger. I did it!