1. INTERPERSONAL SKILLS Chapter 2
Lecturer : Mpho Mlombo

2. The Helping Relationship
The purpose of helping relationships is to meet the needs of the helpee.
Helpers neither solve helpee’s problems nor reassure them merely to make them feel better.
Helpers assist and support helpee’s so that they can come to terms with their problems by exploring and undertaking action.

3. The Helping Relationship
The effectiveness of the relationship depends on :
The helpers skill in communicating his/her understanding of the helpees feelings and behaviour.
The helper’s skill to determine and clarify the helpee’s problem
The helpers skill to apply appropriate helping strategies to decision making.
Kinds of helping relationships
Refer to chapter 1 (slides)
Within these categories a distinction can be made between formal and informal relationships

4. Kinds Of Helping Relationship
Formal
Informal
Normally there is an appointment or referral.
Primary relationship is for helping.
Clients expect concrete help with problem solving
Contact may or may not be formally arranged .
Helping relationship is secondary to another type of relationship.
Client may not expect help with problem solving.

5. How Does The Helping Relationship Develop
The helping relationship begins with a helper and helpee meeting to focus attention on the helpee’s concern.
Helping relationships require trust, empathy, genuineness, concern and caring. respect ,tolerance , honesty and commitment to the relationship and dependability.
Helping relationship require helpers to have some skills and knowledge.

6. What makes a helper effective
Familiarization with many approaches and strategies to helping.
Having a broad range of alternatives enables helper to select those strategies most likely to meet the needs of a particular client system.
Personal attributes are also important
Awareness of underlying beliefs as well as your value system.
Effective communication with others in affective, cognitive and behavioural domain.

7. Effective Communication Behaviours
Verbal Behaviour
Non-verbal Behaviour
Uses understandable words
Reflects back and clarifies helpee’s statements
Summarizes for helpee
Use verbal reinforces e.g. (I see, and Yes)
Appropriately gives information
Is nonjudgmental and respectful
Uses humor occasionally to reduce tension
Calls helpee by helpee’s preferred name
Maintains good eye contact
Occasionally head nodding
Occasionally smiling
Occasionally using hand gesture
Body leans towards helpee
Relaxed, open posture
Confident vocal tone.

8. Non-helpful Behaviours
Non-verbal
Verbal
Interrupting, giving advice and preaching
Blaming
Patronizing attitude ( look down, humiliating attitude)
Over-interpretation
Using words helpee doesn’t understand
Talking about self too much
Straying from topic
Using extensive probing questions especially “why” questions.
Looking away from helpee
Frowning
Sitting far away or turned away from helpee
Unpleasant tone of voice
Closing eyes
Distracting gestures
Yawning
Playing with pen or object
Acting rushed

9. Characteristics Of Effective Helpers
Self- Awareness: helpers who constantly develop their own understanding and self awareness are more likely to be effective .
Gender and Cultural awareness : helpers who are sensitive to the influence of gender and culture on their own perceptions, values, attitude and beliefs are likely to be open to the effect of these variables on others.
Honesty: is one of the variables in developing trust. Helpers can communicate honesty by being open with clients. Answering questions within professional limits and by admitting mistakes or lack of knowledge.

10. Characteristics Of Effective Helpers
Congruence: individuals who are congruent between their values, belief and lifestyle communicate more credibility and have a greater effect as effective helpers.
Ability to Communicate: ability to communicate verbally and nonverbally is an important characteristic to any interpersonal relationships.
Knowledge: knowledge of the theories on which effective helping is based on is essential to professional practitioner.
Ethical Integrity: requires awareness of potential conflicts among personal ethics, employer regulations and societal demands.

11. Conclusion Of Chapter 2
As a helper you need to do self- assessment. Helpers can ask themselves the following questions, with peers and supervisors.
Am I aware when I feel uncomfortable with a client?
Can I really be honest with the helpee?
Do I always feel as though I need to be in control of the situation ?
Do I become irritated when others do not see things the way I do ? Or when helpee’s do not respond the way I think they should.
Am I able to be as open with clients as I want them to be with me?