1. Session 4 W elcome to the Self-Esteem in Second Life Workshop for Women with SCI A research study conducted by: Center for Research on Women with Disabilities (CROWD) Spinal Cord Injury and Disability Research Center (SCIDR)

2. Action Plan Progress Review Tell us how things went with carrying out your action plan last week What barriers did you face? What or who encouraged you? How did working on this make you feel? 2

3. Today’s Session Includes: Identifying and changing “should” messages Importance of self-care Identifying personal self-care resources Developing specific strategies for improving self-care 3

4. OVERVIEW OF SELF-CARE Neglecting ourselves Staying in touch with our feelings “Shoulding” on ourselves 4

5. Socialization Messages for Women with SCI Think of others first –Possible effects: I have no right to place my needs above other people's needs It is better for me to give than to receive Be quiet and don’t draw attention to yourself –Possible effect: I do not have the right to share my knowledge and abilities 5

6. Socialization Messages for Women with SCI Don't complain –Possible effects: I have no right to express my thoughts and feelings, especially anger I must always please others I must be quiet Don't be demanding –Possible effect: I don't ask others for help when I need it, I am not worthy 6

7. Socialization Messages for Women with SCI Be perfect –Possible effect: I don't accept myself as I am. I am constantly putting myself down or trying never to make a mistake Women can't be trusted –Possible effect: I am left out of important decisions and not trusted with important information 7

8. Socialization Messages for Women with SCI Hide your disability –Possible effect: I have no right to be proud of myself as a woman with a physical disability 8

9. “Shoulds” List 1.I should always be unselfish. 2.I should be the perfect friend, parent, spouse, etc. 3.I should be able to manage my disability without complaining. 4.I should always feel happy. 5.I should be competent at whatever I do. 9

10. “Shoulds” List 6.I should never feel angry, afraid, or guilty. 7.I should never take time just for myself. 8.I should put others first. 9.I should always try to please others. 10.I should always smile. 10

11. My “Should” Messages Worksheet “Should” Message Example: “I should never procrastinate.” 11

12. My “Should” Messages Worksheet “Should” MessageAlternate Message Example: “I should never procrastinate.” “It feels good to complete important tasks, even if it means delaying less important items.” 12

13. My Support and Comfort List Support and comfort I receive from: People Places Things Activities Thoughts 13

14. How I Value and Care For Myself What things do you do each day/week to nurture yourself, or demonstrate that you value yourself? Imagine that you could do one thing today that might demonstrate how you value yourself more. What would it be? 14

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16. ACTION PLAN Goal This week I will How much or how long When How many times during the week How confident you are (1-10) 16

17. This Week You Will: Review the materials we talked about today Complete your homework exercises Complete the goal setting and action planning forms Work on your action plan throughout the week 17