1. Tolerance in Relationships Keeping Krsna in the Center

2. Why are we unable to sustain our practice of “tolerance”?

3. Mantra 1: When you squeeze and orange you get orange juice! Tolerance is not about tolerating another. Tolerance is about tolerating your own urges to respond in a non devotee like way.

4. Mantra 2: What does it do to ME? What am I feeling? Refer Videos: THE INTERNAL PAUSE BUTTON THINKING AND FEELING PRECEDE WILLING OR ACTION Refer Videos: THE INTERNAL PAUSE BUTTON THINKING AND FEELING PRECEDE WILLING OR ACTION Feelings have intelligence- they tell you about you

5. Event A learned behavioral response that has become associated with a particular situation, esp one frequently repeated

6. Self Observation and Deep Feeling Exercise – Note the details in black in your observation Thoughts/Rationale for your response Feelings Physical Sensations Event Trigger Resulting Behavior(Habit) (energy, tension, tightness, warmth, numbness anger, anxiety, joy, excitement Observable as language (stories, interpretation, justification, etc.) Reward!

7. Thoughts/ Beliefs Feelings Behaviors/ Willing/Action

8. Mantra 3: Compassion

10. Mantra 4: Communication: Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests Refer : www.cnvc.org Book Non-Violent Communication, Marshall RosenbergNon-Violent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg Draupadi’s Empathy and Forgiveness Watch Video: to learn this skill Refer : www.cnvc.org Book Non-Violent Communication, Marshall RosenbergNon-Violent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg Draupadi’s Empathy and Forgiveness Watch Video: to learn this skill

11. Communication: Can you meet me here? Respect and Connectedness vs Angry Words and Disconnectedness

12. Observation, Feelings and Needs As you understand your own feelings and needs, you will become tuned to the needs and feelings of others. Refer Video: Draupadi’s Empathy and ForgivenessDraupadi’s Empathy and Forgiveness I noticed you………. Observations I bring this up because I am…. Feelings It’s important because my need for …..is not being met Needs Would you be willing to…. Requests Refer www.cnvc.org or get the book Non-Violent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg to learn this skillwww.cnvc.org

13. “Felix, when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and another three next to the TV, I feel irritated because I am needing more order in the rooms which we share in common. Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine?”

14. But how would this protect me from difficult people.?

15. Mantra 5: Healthy Boundaries

16. In spite of the best self help tools in place it is hard to become steady in our practice of tolerance

17. Mantra 6: I am an eternal servant of Krishna

18. Thoughts /Impressi ons Feelings Actions/B ehaviors SituationsFeelings Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, Impressions in Avidya Feelings become more magnified each time we find ourselves in a similar situation

19. Avidya- Ignorance Ignorance about: Who am I? Who is Krsna? What is my relationship with Him

20. Our Eternality Each dot corresponds to a lifetime in your eternal journey

21. Our Eternality Each dot corresponds to a lifetime in your eternal journey We zoom into a single lifetime thinking it to be all in all forgetting our eternal journey We become distracted from our purpose SB 12.4.36SB 12.4.36: All material entities undergo transformation and are constantly and swiftly eroded by the mighty currents of time. The various stages of existence that material things exhibit are the perpetual causes of their generation and annihilation.

22. Mantra 7: The Material World is Temporary Refer : www.cnvc.org Book Non-Violent Communication, Marshall RosenbergNon-Violent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg Draupadi’s Empathy and Forgiveness Watch Video: to learn this skill Refer : www.cnvc.org Book Non-Violent Communication, Marshall RosenbergNon-Violent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg Draupadi’s Empathy and Forgiveness Watch Video: to learn this skill

23. The Material World is Temporary 4 categories of universal annihilation( SB 12.4) Continuous ( every moment transformation is on) Occasional (end of Brahma’s Day) Elemental (end of Brahma’s life) Final (false ego through Bhakti)

24. If you are focused, you will tolerate: SB 12.6.32: Those who desire to give up all that is not essentially real move systematically, by negative discrimination of the extraneous, to the supreme position of Lord Viṣṇu. Giving up petty materialism, they offer their love exclusively to the Absolute Truth within their hearts and embrace that highest truth in fixed meditation.Viṣṇu SB 12.6.33: Such devotees come to understand the supreme transcendental situation of the Personality of Godhead, Lord Viṣṇu, because they are no longer polluted by the concepts of "I" and "my," which are based on body and home.Viṣṇu SB 12.6.34: One should tolerate all insults and never fail to show proper respect to any person. Avoiding identification with the material body, one should not create enmity with anyone.

25. Story of the Avanti Brahmana SB 11.22.58-59: Even though neglected, insulted, ridiculed or envied by bad men, or even though repeatedly agitated by being beaten, tied up or deprived of one's occupation, spat upon or polluted with urine by ignorant people, one who desires the highest goal in life should in spite of all these difficulties use his intelligence to keep himself safe on the spiritual platform.

26. Steadiness Pure love for Krsna Prema: Love Bhava: Attachment Asakti: Taste Ruci: Steadiness Nistha: Decreasing unwanted attachments Anartha Nivritti: Performance of devotional service Bhajana Kriya: Association of Devotees Sadhu Sanga- Faith Sraddha: Position of the Avanti Brahmana

27. Mantra 8: Crying out for mercy!

28. We are attached to the bubbles which burst away into oblivion! We are affected by the temporary waves Go deep into the river of Bhakti and feel the current of Krishna’s love

29. How to get there?...We need mercy Chantingof the Holy Name(Ceto darpana marjanam) Vaishnava Seva(susrosoh.. Syan mahat sevaya viprah) Hearing(srnvatama sva katha krishna, nashta prayesu abhadresu)

31. Appendix

32. Handouts Internal Pause button, self observation Exercise Feelings chart, Feelings have intelligence chart

33. Current Thoughts without judgment Adult FeelingsGifts we gain when we feel and own these feelings My husband doesn’t spend time with me. I get angry with him. I do not like being lonely. Lonely, aloneHelps me to reach out to others- reach in to know myself Joy, well beingHelps me grow I wish to connect with her but she doesn’t want to speak with me. Being rejected like that feels painful to me. PainIncreases my ability to heal, face reality, regrow SadnessDevelop empathy- to care for myself and others Anger(Adult) not rageEnergizes my inner power, validates our right to be treated with respect and dignity I feel really scared when I hear people screaming. I get really anxious about the future FearStrengthens self protection and boundaries. Makes me call out to Krsna LoveExtends my ability to give unconditional nurturing Oh I feel awful, I made a mistake again. ShameHumility, a sense of human ness, I can make mistakes

34. Current Thoughts without Judgment Adult EmotionGifts we gain when we feel and own these feelings ExhilarationPositive Energy, power to persist until I succeed GuiltHelps me set limits and have adult standards- gives me the energy and ability to make amends to others I am happy that I was able to help them well. WorthwhileHelps me grow my self esteem WorthlessMakes me more ready to grow and climb upwards I am so confused right now. I cannot make sense of this situation. It is hard to remain in this confusion and not know what step to take ConfusedGives me the ability to understand other people’s confusion and the willingness to seek clarity for my own beliefs DevastatedHelps me connect with my deepest core pain and my wounded inner child and to learn how to nurture them safely in grown up ways