2. Lifeskills Program for AdolescentsWelcome Communication with Others Centre for Advancement of Men’s Health (CAMH) Mildura www.mannet.com.au Presented by Bernard Denner

3. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Welcome Welcome Understanding & Engaging Males…to ‘Reduce Early Male Mortality’ Presented by Bernard Denner Men’s Health Educator & Advocate Men’s Awareness Network (MAN) & Centre for Advancement of Men’s Health (CAMH) Mildura Victoria Australia www.mannet.com.au man@mannet.com.au & Mallee Track Health & Community Service Ouyen Victoria Aust.

4. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What WE are looking at today A bit about me Communication Parents / Teachers Girls / Boys / Dating Sex Pitfalls

5. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Who am I? Bernard Denner Health Educator / Projects Manager Bloke 55 years Divorced 12 years Daughters - 18 and 20 years Vietnam Veteran 3RAR…Infantry/Scout

6. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents

8. mannet.com.au website of CAMH/Men’s Health Averages monthly: Up to 68,000 hits & 11,250+ sessions Rated in top 15% of 1.7m www domains in 2001 “Who said men weren’t interested in their health”

9. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents My work since 1994 focuses on providing Programs that address issues associated with: Men Adolescents Workplace Health Women Understanding Men and Farmsafety in Primary Schools

10. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents

11. Australian Mortality Rates National - 1999 15-24 years Cause of DeathMalesFemales%Rate Suicide398 71435%  Cancer 95 47202%  Leukemia 35 11318%  Transport Accident407116350%  Drugs 68 27251%  Source: Causes of Death, ABS, 1999

12. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Australian Mortality Rates Loddon Mallee Health Region - 1994 Cause of DeathMalesFemales%Rate Suicide 25 7357%  Cancer309230134%  Heart Disease122 49248%  Source: DHS, Measures of Health Status and Health Services in Victoria, 1994

13. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Communication

14. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Communication in all aspects of Life is Important Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems

15. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Know yourself Get to know and like yourself Become aware of your feelings and values; don’t be pushed into betraying them If you’re not sure what you think and feel, WAIT; don’t rush yourself

16. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Think about the decisions you make, their consequences and their effect on yourself and on others Talk to the people you care about, let them know what you think and feel

17. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Accept that you will make mistakes, and learn from them BE YOURSELF Source: Be yourself, Love Sex and You, A Guide for Teenagers, Vicki Wootten

18. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Swearing The constant use of the “F” or “C” words: Doesn’t make you an Adult Doesn’t make you tough Doesn’t attract nice girls/boys

19. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents It makes you: Ugly Aggressive Impolite Unattractive

20. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Constant Swearing is UNATTRACTIVE Swearing at teachers is UNACCEPTABLE

21. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Other unacceptable language is: Put downs of other people, especially females: e.gidiot, bitch, slut, spastic, dickhead, moron, son of a bitch, poofter, dyke,’You’re Gay’ What other words do you dislike? Source: Bernard Denner

22. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Other unacceptable BOY THINGS Labelling Girls don’t like it! Source: Bernard Denner

23. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Who are Parents? What is a Parent? What is Parenting Love? Parenting is important!

24. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How to talk to parents

25. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Pick the right time Prepare yourself Work within the Boundaries Prepare some alternative options Remind Parents - You’re older

26. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t lose your cool Negotiate calmly Give and take Don’t put one parent against the other - remember you will never win doing this. Source: Bernard J. Denner

27. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Use Good examples to get your Point Across Like someone your Parents Respect and Like

28. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How important are Teachers? What’s their job? Maybe your future partly depends on them!

29. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How to talk to teachers

30. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Pick the right time Ask for an appointment / suitable time in advance Don’t try to solve a problem or argue in front of the whole class

31. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Prepare yourself What do you want to say What do you hope to achieve Alternative outcomes that are acceptable to you and the Teacher

32. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Work within the boundaries Don’t lose your cool Negotiate calmly Understand that teachers are human and can make mistakes

33. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t promise what you can’t deliver - be realistic about your goals and work towards them Give and take Source: Bernard J. Denner and Gail Allan

34. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Discipline Boundaries Rules By Parents, Teachers and other adults … You Should ask yourself... WHY?

35. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents IT MEANS …... That they... CARE Want to...GUIDE EDUCATE and SUPPORT YOU

36. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Thoughts for Adolescents - …………...School School is also chance to develop: Lifeskills Form opinions Learn about themselves Be educated for Life Socialise

37. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents School is a chance to work on: Coping with difficult people Coping with difficult situations and to LISTEN AND LEARN

38. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How to talk to girls

39. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Approach Not to be threatening or Aggressive Smile Don’t Act too cool Speak in a lower tone of voice

40. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t Act too cool “Bullshit” Be a Hero Talk only about yourself Talk about how tough you are or what a legend you are Advice from 3 teenage girls

41. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Talk about Music Sport TV Programs Their interests Your interests Ask questions

42. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t act stupid THINK before you SPEAK Have something sensible to Say You don’t have to swear Talk about their things Ask about things

43. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Most of all Introduce yourself properly to a new friend and Smile Source: Bernard Denner

44. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Dating - How to Ask

45. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents “Unthreatening” approach Speak clearly Invitation to be made with warmth Such as …….

46. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents “Would you like to …. go with me to the ice hockey?” go with me to the basketball?” go with me to the mall / shops?” go for a walk?” go to the pictures?

47. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents NOT “Would you like to meet me somewhere” or “I’m not doing anything Sat” or “just broke up with”

48. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Phone Etiquette When phoning, speak politely to the parents, if they answer. You need their support - having good manners impresses. Remember to identify yourself clearly. Source: Bernard J. Denner

49. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Communication in all aspects of Life is Important Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems

50. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is Sex? Male or Female Communication between couples Pleasure between couples Demonstration of Feelings/Affection Provides Intimacy Making Babies or Just for FUN

51. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents So Why do Adolescents have Sex?

52. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Another outcome of the MAN Model Lifeskills Program for Adolescents

53. Top 10 Issues - Comparison Central Victoria/Canada – Boys – 15/16yrs

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55. WHY NOT? Reason Boys Girls % of Responses Not ready / interested36%35% “It’s Illegal”28%11% Safer19%39% Parents17%15%

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61. What is Love? It is based on friendship, affection, mutual respect, admiration, thoughtfulness, sharing and caring Involves good communication and listening

62. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Does not involve any physical, emotional or sexual violence Is not instant or perfect Love at first sight is more likely to be lust at first sight Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy

63. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is Lust? Is a physical response that involves sexual arousal It is being “turned on” sexually Is a short-term emotion

64. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Can get you into trouble (ie lust can make you do something you wouldn’t normally do, eg not using a condom) LUST...Is not always love You can love and lust at the same time, but they are not the same thing Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy

65. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Do YOU have a CHOICE? YES or NO

66. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents The Choice is YOURS 3 A’s Abstinence A ctivity A ll the Way

67. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is sexual activity? Masturbation …..? Kissing, Pashing …..? Feeling, touching someone else ….? Mutual masturbation …..? Oral sex …..?

68. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Or All the WAY Anal intercourse …..? Bonking, sexual intercourse …..? Source: Bernard J. Denner

69. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Sexual Activity Needs Permission or Consent Source: Bernard J. Denner

70. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Questions to ask …. If you are thinking of having sex...

71. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Do I feel old enough and responsible enough to be doing this? Am I doing this for me or for him / her? Am I prepared to use a condom?

72. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents If something goes wrong and we become pregnant, am I prepared for that responsibility? Am I just trying to prove something to myself or him / her? How will I feel about him / her afterwards?

73. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How will I feel about myself? Has Sex - Solved the Problem? Has Sex - made me Feel Better? Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy

74. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is sex for? There are several main answers to the question “what is sex for?” and many people feel that the ‘true’ answer is a combination of these:

75. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Sex is for the survival of the species (human beings). Sex is for making babies. Sex is part of partnership; it cements the relationship. Sex is showing feelings of love or affection between people.

76. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Sex is for pleasure. Sex is better between committed couples. Good Sex is more than just Bonking.

77. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents The Perils of Sex Without Love and Unprotected Sex

78. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Unwanted Pregnancy Sexual Diseases Interrupted Study Alienation from friends Depression Being used

79. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Always check the Use By Date on condoms to ensure that they are effective. Use a lubricant to ensure condom doesn’t break. The Pill does not always WORK Medication Drunk and Vomit

80. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Defacto couples who marry have a 50% Higher divorce rate than those who just marry 46% of Australian marriages break down Women initiate divorce 4 in 5 cases 75% De facto couples separate after 4 years 25% separate after 1st 12 months Australian Example:

81. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Divorce Issues… Declining stability of relationship Communication Intimacy/Feelings Solving of issues Engaging in difficult times Feelings of Future

82. Lifeskills Program for AdolescentsRELATIONSHIPS What’s Important Communication Connection Understanding the other person Real feelings Mateship Friendship Supportive But not always Fixing Consideration Affection Above all….. that they know your LOVEAbove all….. that they know your LOVE

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84. Drinking If you choose to drink you should consider the following pieces of advice

85. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Be clear about why you are drinking Be responsible for yourself and others Don’t take risks with yourself or others Drink in a safe place

86. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Take a limited amount of alcohol with you Low alcohol beer is cheaper and tends to make you feel full before you are drunk Pour your own drinks / open your own bottles

87. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Finish your glass first, don’t “top” it up Arrange for safe transport home Make a safety pact with a friend before drinking Alternate alcoholic and non- alcoholic drinks and avoid salty snacks

88. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Finish the night by drinking water - it won’t make you sober, but you will feel better in the morning Never drink and drive, climb or swim Source: Rob and Kerry Grant

89. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Unsafe Drinking Could lead to: Unsafe sexual behaviour Aggression / Fighting Targetting / Harrassing Girls Drugs

90. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Stronger Drinks Risky behaviour such as: unsafe swimming unsafe driving Hospitalisation through injury from risky behaviour or alcoholic poisoning Source: Bernard J. Denner

91. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Adolescence is a GOOD TIME of Life ENJOY IT

92. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents ALWAYS THINK ABOUT How would you Like to be TREATED … OTHERS DESERVE the SAME

93. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Person - 1st Son - 2nd Sibling or Friend - 3rd WHO AM I...?

94. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents As a person I need to be Healthy and Happy THAT YOU FEEL GOOD Most of the TIME

95. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Why.....? So that you don’t put yourself at risk, or your relationships at risk

96. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Who’s A Winner The person who does their best. That they achieve their Personal Best. THEY are a Winner. Source: Bernard Denner Inspired by Simon Madden

97. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Adolescence is a GOOD TIME of Life ENJOY IT