1. Basic Needs n the need for direction & hope… self-worth consisting of the need for love & purpose n There exists… “deep longings in the human heart for relationship and impact”… which can only be met in life with Christ

2. What Makes Us a Better People Helper? (A Framework) Spiritual Issues/Concerns Physical/Biochemical Emotional Relational

3. What Makes Us a Better People Helper? 1. Psychological Stability (emotional stability, openness- vulnerable- not labile or volatile) 2. Love for and interest in people (warm, caring, genuine person with a real interest in people and their welfare- Mt:14:14)

4. What Makes Us a Better People Helper? 3. Self-Awarenesss 4. Some life experiences 5. Appropriate distance and boundaries 6. Ability to maintain confidentiality 7. Ability to know when you are over your head

5. Questions to Ponder Of all the relational qualities that make us better people helpers, Which ones are most important? What strikes you most about the relational character of Jesus?

6. I. Most Effective Counselor Skills n Warmth -John 4 Caring, respect, sincere, non-smothering concern… regardless of the person’s actions or attitudes

7. I. Most Effective Counselor Skills n Genuineness not phony or superior, open, sincere… honesty without cruel confrontation… (a soft answer turns away wrath), being congruent

8. I. Most Effective Counselor Skills n Empathy Sensitive and able to communicate understanding of the person’s thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, inner conflicts… to “feel with”, especially at the beginning is most helpful

9. Studies Show: No particular form of therapy works better than another… but those 3 make a difference

10. Studies Show: Warmth, Genuineness, & Empathy- especially at the beginning- has been proven to foster healing better… lack of these= worse *** Relationships Heal***

11. Studies Show: Warmth- Genuineness- Empathy… create safety… Everything else is impossible without it

12. Questions to Ponder What is the goal of counseling? How have you been helped? What do you hope to see happen?

13. The test... NOTE: A man goes to a psychologist, and they decide to start with a Rorschach test. She's shown the first picture and sees a man and a woman making love at the beach. In the second, a man and a woman making love in a hot-tub. The third has a man and a woman making love in a park. In all of the pictures, the man sees a couple making love. After the test, the psychologist looks over her notes and says, "You seem to have a preoccupation with sex." The man replies, "You're the one with the dirty pictures."

14. II. Goal of Counseling: A. Self Understanding … to help person get a true picture of what is going on within them and the world around them...

15. II. Goal of Counseling: B. Communication … to learn how to communicate feelings, thoughts, attitudes- effectively and accurately...

16. II. Goal of Counseling: C. Learning & Behavior Change … to encourage the person to “launch out” and practice new behavior… thru instruction, modeling, trial/Error...

17. II. Goal of Counseling: D. Self-Actualization …to develop greatest potential thru power of Holy Spirit towards spiritual maturity… (“Christ- actualization”)

18. II. Goal of Counseling: E. Support … to encourage, pray for, make contact, enlist help, “walk alongside”...

19. III. Techniques of Counseling A. Attending (undivided attention) 1: eye contact 2. posture 3. gestures

20. III. Techniques of Counseling B. Listening 1. Have awareness 2. Be nonjudgmental 3. Be quiet 4. Seek understanding * advice giving & talking prevents sharing & safety

21. III. Techniques of Counseling C. Responding 1. Leading 2. Reflecting 3. Questioning 4. Confronting 5. Informing 6. Interpreting 7. Support/encrge.

22. III. Techniques of Counseling D. Teaching...by instruction, example, information

23. III. Techniques of Counseling Also… one of the most powerful learning tools to use: immediacy responses… focus on the here & now

24. The Process of Therapy Not linear- like layers of an onion

25. Specific Issues: What do you want to focus on? (anger, anxiety, depression, crisis, infidelity,substance abuse, etc.)