1. How Parents and Teachers Can Help Children Develop Healthy Personality Traits Session Three: Exploring and Understanding How Personality Develops

2. Personality develops and is expressed without us even realizing it Kids have raw instincts like hunger and aggression that drive their behaviors-they seek things that are pleasurable! Parents, teachers and others teach kids the values and rules of society…which sometimes puts the brakes on those impulsive instincts! As kids get older, we have to help them learn to balance these two forces-the internal drives of their personality need to be able to be met in socially acceptable ways

3. Without realizing (continued) Think back and remember the major “issues” of your child’s early life: Infancy-pacis, thumb-sucking, teething, biting Toddler years-potty training (poopoo and peepee) Preschool years-wanting to be just like mommy (doll babies, kitchen sets) or daddy (big trucks, tool sets) Were there some frustruations during each stage? What were the satisfactions your child received at each stage? How did these experiences influence the child’s personality?

4. Without realizing (continued) How often do you find yourself effortlessly engaging in the following behaviors to compensate for your inner impulses? “ forgetting” things that are unacceptable or unpleasant instead of letting those things consume our thoughts displacing anger and stress by “working it out” at the gym projecting your feelings onto someone/thing else (i.e. if nervous to move to a new town, telling yourself that all the houses in the new town are probably too expensive anyway) doing the complete opposite of what you really want to do (i.e. a juvenile delinquent teen becomes a cop)

5. Without realizing (continued) What type of attachment did your child have to you/primary caregiver? Did the child feel free to explore new situations, knowing you were close by? Did the child have little difficulty separating from you, but were relatively constrained and showed little emotion? Was the child wary of strangers and did they become angry with you when you returned from being away? How did your child’s early attachment style affect your responses to their behaviors? How has it affected their social personality today?

6. Personality develops and is expressed through our learning experiences When we learn that our basic needs are rewarded by a behavior, we repeat that behavior We avoid negative consequences and seek positive rewards We learn from observing the consequences and/or rewards of other people’s behavior-we imitate the rewarding behaviors We have mental representations that alter our learning-we think before we feel, and what we believe or perceive affects what we learn

7. Personality develops and is expressed through our relationships with others All children are innately good! A positive environment is needed to promote positive growth, and we can provide that type of environment for kids by warmly expressing our empathy and support It is imperative that kids feel like they are loved and accepted unconditionally Kids need to feel like they are important

8. Relationships with others (continued) Think about a person in your life who makes (or made) you feel great about yourself and your abilities… Is this person warm and caring? Do you know that this person loves you for just being you? Does this person accept everything about you, the goods and the not-so-goods? Does this person make you feel like you are important?

9. Relationships with others (continued) Here’s the exciting news: YOU can be THIS person in your child’s/students’ life!!! YOU have the opportunity to help create a child who truly feels great about who they are as a person simply through your relationship with that child… Now how neat is that?!

10. Relationships with others (continued) 4 questions: A) Do you allow your child to “call the shots,” expecting little responsibility from them? B) Do you have extremely high expectations of your child, placing many demands and communicating little with them? C) Do you nurture your child warmly, encouraging communication while keeping relatively high levels of discipline and control? D) Do you allow others to raise your child, remaining uninvolved or absent in the child- rearing process?

11. Relationships with others (continued) What type of parents did you have? What type of parents would you have wanted to have? What parenting style do you think produces the most well-adjusted, functional adults? Let’s discuss…

12. Relationships with others (continued) NEWS FLASH!!! Your parenting and leadership style plays a significant role in the personality development of your child!

13. The Structure of Personality The “Big Five” things to consider when gaining an understanding of personality: How emotionally stable is the child when he is required to adjust or cope? How much social interaction does the child seek out? How open is the child to exploring new experiences? How agreeable and compassionate is the child? How organized, motivated and persistent is the child?

14. Structure (continued) Considering these factors while you parent (or teach) the child, strive to: 1) Identify and unconditionally accept the inherited personality trait that is being expressed in the child’s behavior 2) Explore what is driving the trait 3) Build a warm relationship with the child; help create an environment that supports the child’s need in a safe, positive, productive way

15. Discussion & “Homework” Consider the following topics in regards to your child’s personality development. Record your understandings in your workshop journal: Influence of the child’s early frustrations and/or satisfactions Ways the child compensates (or does not compensate) for instincts and impulses

16. “Homework” (continued) Influence of the child’s attachment to his/her primary caregiver How the child has learned behavioral responses Influence of the child’s daily environment The type of relationship(s) with parents, role-models, and others The genetic personality traits the child possesses

17. “Homework” (continued) THE BIG QUESTION… Considering your reflections, how can you help this child develop a healthy personality??? Now come up with a specific plan of action !