1. Managing Conflict & Strengthening Work Relationships Prepared For Montana State University January 2012 Suzanne McCorkle, Ph.D.

2. What happens when conflicts are not managed well? To the work group ? To the individual ?

3. Causes of Conflict Emotions Style Information Relationships Substance Values

4. Information Conflicts About data Misinformation Having different information Which data to use Not having enough information Withholding information

5. Emotion conflicts About feelings, ego, self-esteem, feelings of entitlement Arise when other conflicts get too ripe Lead to exceptionally narrow thinking Emotions short-circuit the ability to reason and to listen

6. Value conflicts About deeply rooted beliefs and feelings Religion, politics, work ethics In some ways, easiest to manage in work context

7. About who we are to each other Boss/subordinate, working relationships Who has what authority? Are we friends? Can co-workers, students/professors have deep relationships? Do we have the same goals about our relationship? Relationship conflicts

8. Substance conflicts About real or perceived scarce resources Money, time, space, equipment …. Amenable to regular problem solving once the issue is isolated

9. About how to do things, how to communicate, which way to act is best Common with strong personalities Frequent cause of annoyances Causes conflict when style difference is seen as obstruction Style conflicts

10. Quick Chat What about other people’s communication really irritates you?

11. When styles clash, conflict often results.

12. Common Style Differences Meeting management style Single-taskers vs. multi-taskers Verbal conversational style  Dialect  Rapport vs. Report  Pause Gap Personality style Conflict style  Escalators/Fractionators  General Conflict Style Cultural style

13. Collaborators Competitors Avoiders What’s Your Conflict Style?

14. What are the Problems with Relying on One Style? ????????

15. What is the First Response to Types of Conflict? Information Emotion Substantive Values Relationship Style

16. Check Perception Differences Perception is not objective

17. What do you see?

18. In Stress or Conflict….. People revert to their basic style. Make Self-Serving evaluations. “I am thoughtful; you take all day and can’t make a decision.”

19. Recognizing Perception Differences is a Skill

20. Perception Differences Cause Misunderstandings: Make Negotiation Harder Moral =

21. Quick Quiz: What’s Your Decision- Making Preference? Long Term Short Term Fact Gut By the Book Just Do It Slow Fast

22. What’s Your Work Preference? Social Task-Oriented Agenda Free-form Agreeable Argumentative Critical Creative

23. Mark Your Style of Expression Loud Soft-spoken Passionate Controlled Confront Indirect Say What You Think Concern for Other’s Feelings

24. Go back and mark the style of your boss (or a co-worker). Are there style differences? If unrecognized, do these differences make negotiation harder?

25. Quick Chat 1.Do you have a significant style difference with a boss or co-worker? 2.What can you do (mentally or in discussion with the other) to prevent the style difference from hindering work happiness, productivity, or making negotiations more difficult?

26. Smart Negotiation #2: Always Work From Interests 26 Positions and demands are on the Surface Interests or needs lurk under the waterline Working at the “position” level is inefficient and may harm relationships.

27. Conflict itself is normal. It is what we choose to do during conflict that leads to beneficial or harmful results.

28. Apply McCorle’s Three Laws of Humane Responses to People Problems

29. The First Law: Save Yourself

30. The Second Law Give the Other Person Every Chance Photo by MichaelMarcol

31. The Third Law Care About the Future More than The Past

33. For Further General Reading Personal Conflict Management: Theory and Practice (textbook) Edition: 1st Authors: McCorkle, Suzanne; Reese, Melanie J. ISBN10: 0205499880 ISBN13: 9780205499885 Format: Paperback Pub. Date: 1/1/2010 Publisher: Allyn & BaconMcCorkle, Suzanne Reese, Melanie J. Available at your personal favorite on-line book purchasing site.