1. Gay Male Domestic Violence What it looks like andWhat it looks like and how to helphow to help Presented at 6 th Annual North Texas Effective Work with Batterers J. Michael Cruz, PhD, MA, LPCJ. Michael Cruz, PhD, MA, LPC

2. Presentation Goals: To describe how gay men define their abuse/domestic violence. To address the types of abuse/domestic violence gay men report experiencing. To share the reasons victims think gay male DV occurs. To suggest guidance in working with gay male batterers.

3. Social Constructionist Perspective Social construction- reducing a symbol to a basic level and attributing meaning to or deriving meaning from that particular symbol. Gender- taking a symbol (behavior, appearance) and attributing it to being masculine or feminine. DV- Ann Jones says the way we talk about the problem is part of the problem. WI Thomas- If we believe situations to be real they are real in their consequences.

4. Methods- Study 1 (1995/1996) Qualitative study N= 25 Gay identified men in Texas (Dallas) Age range 25-43 Mean age 30 Relationship duration 10 mos- 10 years Guiding ?s: a) how do you define violence/abuse? b) what have you experienced? c) what do you think causes gay male dv/abuse?

5. Methods- Study 2 (2012/2013) Qualitative study N= 11 Gay identified men in Texas (Dallas) Age range 23-58 Mean age 36 Relationship duration 3 mos- 6.5 years Guiding ?s: a) how do you define violence/abuse? b) what have you experienced? c) what do you think causes gay male dv/abuse?

6. Causes Internalized homophobia Jealousy/insecurity “men don’t know how to relate to one another” Control Money/financial problems Drugs/alcohol Intergenerational transmission

7. [Gay] Male Socialization Gay men are socialized in a straight male society Messages about patriarchy and privilege are taught via primary and secondary agents of socialization Hegemonic masculinity- power, dominance, control, internalized homophobia Non-normative relationship styles Social media hook up sites

8. Characteristics Respondent definitions of “violence” and “abuse” Cycle of violence (Walker)- – Tension building phase – Abusive episode – Honeymoon phase Respondent experiences

9. Consequences Economic costs Stress (physical illness, PTSD) Social and psychological costs (fear) Physical consequences (broken bones, bruises) Loss of life

10. Reasons for staying ? Financial dependence (18.6%) Naiveté/inexperience (16.3%) Love (14%) Hope for change (9.3%) Loneliness (7%) Love, codependence/attraction, hope for change, idea of the ‘one,’ no where else to go/dependence, wanted to make it work, low self esteem, thought it was normal.

11. Issues with Gay Male Batterers Power and control Two men- reciprocity/mutual fighting Gender socialization- men fight back Self-definitions of abuse- “just a fight” rather than domestic violence/battering/abuse Non-normative relationship styles

13. Effectively Working with Gay Male Batterers Know your limitations- seek guidance Learn the client Honor their self-defined ‘gayness’ Avoid stereotypes, presumptions, or judgement Expect that they need the same learning as a straight male batterer Respect their relationship (love, money, kids)

14. Conclusion No one deserves to be abused Abusive behavior is physical, verbal, spiritual, material Passive aggressive behaviors can be considered abusive Persons who are battered (women) attempt to leave 7 times before leaving for good Victims come to terms with their situations on their own terms and in their own time

15. Publications 2003. “Why Doesn’t He Just Leave?” Gay Male Domestic Violence and Reasons Victims Stay.” Journal of Men’s Studies. 11:309-323. 2001. “Family Violence and Substance Use: The Perceived Effects of Substance Use within Gay Male Relationships.” Violence and Victims 16:161- 72 with Robert L. Peralta. 2000. “Gay Male Domestic Violence and the Pursuit of Masculinity.” Pp. 66-82 in Gay Masculinities, edited by Peter M. Nardi. CA: Sage Publications. 1998. “Exploring Violence and Abuse in Gay Male Relationships” Violence and Victims 13: 159-73 with Juanita M. Firestone.

16. Other Sources Legal and Psychological Perspectives on Same Sex Domestic Violence: A Multisystemic Approach (2003) http://wcadv.org/sites/default/files/resources/Lega l%20and%20Psychological%20LGBTQ%20Same- sex%20DV.pdf http://wcadv.org/sites/default/files/resources/Lega l%20and%20Psychological%20LGBTQ%20Same- sex%20DV.pdf LGBT Communities and Domestic Violence Information and Resources (National Resource Center on DV) http://nwnetwork.org/wp- content/uploads/2011/11/National-Resource- Center_LGBTDV-Full.pdfhttp://nwnetwork.org/wp- content/uploads/2011/11/National-Resource- Center_LGBTDV-Full.pdf

17. OTHER SOURCESOTHER SOURCES Power and Control Wheel for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans Relationships http://tcfv.org/pdf/Updated_wheels/LGBT.pdf

18. Websites http://www.rainbowdomesticviolence.itgo.com http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/power_control- wheel.html http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/power_control- wheel.html http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/myths_facts.html

19. Contact J. Michael Cruz, PhD, MA, LPC 469.547.5950 jmcruz@myresourcecenter.org www.linkedin.com/in/jmichaelcruz