© John Mallison Today is…… BE KIND TO MOBILES DAY!! We suggest you give your mobile an easier day Please keep your mobile off during the sessions Thank.

© John Mallison 1) Understanding mentoring - an introduction 2) Some guidelines for mentors 3) Asking good questions and listening 4) Setting boundaries 5) The role of prayer 6) Using the bible 7) A design for mentoring - role play 8) Mentoring and small groups © John Mallison Skills And Tools For Effective Mentoring Today’s Program Will Cover: Welcome 1/2

© John Mallison Skills & Tools for Effective Mentoring An Overview Of Mentoring Some Guidelines For Mentors Setting Boundaries The Role Of Prayer Using The Bible Peer-Mentoring Finding Those To Mentor Finding A Mentor © John Mallison Today’s program will cover: 1/3

© John Mallison Welcome 1) An overview of mentoring 2) What to look for in mentors 3) When to mentor –Life stages 4) Mentoring beginners in the faith 5) Equipping mentors –How adults learn –Using this resource 6) Implementing a mentoring system © John Mallison Strategies For Mentoring Today’s Program Will Cover: 1/4

© John Mallison What do you enjoy doing most? What’s the nicest thing that has happened to you in the last 12 months? What are your hopes and expectations for today? For what would you appreciate prayer in order to get the most out of today? Share with your partner….. 2/6

© John Mallison In what way has God surprised you recently? God is frequently presented in the Psalms as our Helper. How has this been true for you? What can you celebrate about your ministry? Share with your partner….. 2/7

© John Mallison Mentor It’s Origin and Meaning (In Greek mythology – Odysseus) wise & trusted companion & friendUlyssesThe name of the wise & trusted companion & friend of Ulysses GuardianGuardian of Ulysses’ house during his 10 year absence at Trojan wars Teacher and advisorTeacher and advisor of Ulysses’ son Telemachus 5/1

© John Mallison Significant Words, etc (in definition) DynamicDynamic - Active, Growing, Flexible, Stimulating, Empowering IntentionalIntentional - With Purpose and Direction - Orderly RelationshipRelationship - Connection, Bond, Affinity, Mateship, Concern, Commitment TrustTrust - Rely Upon, Put Confidence in EnableEnable - Give the Means to Make Possible MaximiseMaximise - Make the Most of Grace of GodGrace of God - All God Freely Offers Us in Christ 5/3

© John Mallison Mentoring - Part Of The Fabric Of Life The value of having a friend and adviser……….. ‘Two are better than one’ (Eccl 4:9) Parents/children Artisan/apprentice relationship Coach of a sportsperson or team Mentoring at all levels of commerce, industry, education and public life Mentoring was a way of life in Bible Times Jesus, with his disciples, provides our prime mentoring model The New Testament is full of ‘one another’ and ‘together’ passages pointing to Christianity as relational 5/6

© John Mallison ‘ Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other; ‘ Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help.’ 9/1

© John Mallison It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there’s no one to help, tough!… By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, The Message 9/2

© John Mallison ‘One another’ ‘together’ We are Christians not only for our own sake but also for the sake of others “Pious Particles” - Moffatt “The Bible knows nothing of solitary religion”... Wesley Partners Spiritual Mates “We are to watch over one another in love” 9/3

© John Mallison The “ ONE ANOTHERS ” Love one another Love one another – John 13:34-35 as Christ loved as Christ loved His disciples1 John 3:11 Restore one another Restore one another – carryburdens carry each other’s burdensGalatians 6:1-2 Bear withforgive one another Bear with and forgive one another Colossians 3:13 Build up one another Build up one another 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Encourage Encourage to believe… Hebrews 3:12-14 protect protect from sin’s deceitfulness Stir one another to love and good worksencourageto hope good works…encourage to hope1 Thessalonians 5:11 Confess sin one another Confess sin to one another James 5:16 Pray for one another 9/4

© John Mallison ‘Watch Over One Another In Love’ John Wesley’s ‘General Rules for Methodist Fellowships’ Released in 1743. Key to his success in retaining those who were converted through that revival. In class meetings and one-to-one, they cared for one another. 9/5

© John Mallison ‘Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds. Let us not give up Meeting together, As some are in the habit of doing But let us Encourage one another...’ Hebrews 10:24,25 9/6

© John Mallison The Context Of This Passage A personal relationship with God through Christ’s Death Direct access into his presence Make full use of this privilege “Draw near to God” “With confidence” To receive all the grace he has for us Mentoring essentially is encouraging others to do the same 9/10

© John Mallison - Context - Confidently use our direct access to God’s presence through Christ’s completed workConfidently use our direct access to God’s presence through Christ’s completed work (v. 19-21) Keep seeking after holiness, righteousnessKeep seeking after holiness, righteousness (v. 22) Maintain a strong hold on the hope we have in ChristMaintain a strong hold on the hope we have in Christ (v. 23) Rely upon God’s utter faithfulnessRely upon God’s utter faithfulness (v. 23) 9/11

© John Mallison I often think of the genuine faith of yours - a faith that was alive in Lois your grandmother and in Eunice your mother before you, and which, I am confident, lives in you also. 2 Timothy 1:5 11/1

© John Mallison Jesus - Our Prime Model His Being: Who he was as a person - his character, his integrity, his credibility, his uniqueness. His Words: What Jesus said indeed proved to be words of life (John 6:68). He spoke plainly so all understood, always enabling the practical application. He never compromised the truth - sometimes meant offence and loss of supporters. His Deeds: ‘We have never seen anything like this’ (Mark 2:12). All Jesus’ ministry was motivated by divine love. Jesus entrusted his ministry to the disciples with remarkable results. They were instrumental in changing the course of history! 10/1

© John Mallison ‘All biblical mentoring then is under-mentoring. Jesus Christ is the real and decisive agent in Christian mentoring. He claims our wholehearted trust in him as present enabler.’ JESUS - OUR PRIME MODEL Cont... 10/2

© John Mallison Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model Involvement with people Patience Pure motives Personal integrity Nobody insignificant Human need was above the law One on one training of disciples Teaching - method - known to unknown Set boundaries 10/3

© John Mallison Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont. Compassion Got alongside and worked with people Took out of situation for instruction Acceptance Direct Freely gave - self / possessions Way dealt with politics and religious leaders Simplicity of his life Everything bathed in prayer Creativity Stayed focused 10/4

© John Mallison Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont. Willing to give correction (gently) Gave clear guidance Showed concern Praised people Humility (didn’t blow own trumpet) Servanthood Forgiveness (never wrote people off - gave another chance Love for people Understands our humanity Availability Empowered people 10/5

© John Mallison Go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:19,20, NIV) 6/1

© John Mallison 'Witness' 'Witness' (Luke in his gospel 24:48, and in Acts 1:8, 22:15) 'My' · Tell of one's personal knowledge and experience of Jesus Christ. · Be living proof of the truth of the gospel of Christ · Testify to Jesus Christ by word and deed by who we are, what we say and what we do. 6/2

© John Mallison Mentoring or Disciplemaking Disciple ‘ Disciple ' (73 times in Matthew's gospel) - 'Learner' · Developing knowledge and understanding of God's nature and purposes in the context of a growing personal relationship with God in Christ that results in gratitude for God's grace (undeserved kindness) expressed in exclusive loyalty and obedience to him · New values, attitudes and behaviour which reflect Jesus Christ 6/3

© John Mallison “Go and of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” ….Matthew 28:19,20 make disciples 6/4

© John Mallison Key Verb - ‘Make Disciples’ Other ‘doing words’ - subordinate to it how They instruct in the ‘how’ (what is involved) –‘GO’ – Identify with others; Reach out; Get involved –‘BAPTISE’ – Publicly own Christ; Make him heard –‘TEACH’ – Help develop knowledge, understanding and application to life of Christ’s teachings 6/5

© John Mallison Ongoing Disciplemaking ‘And the things you have heard me say in entrust to the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who are qualified to teach others also others also’. (2 Tim 2:2) Alsoan ongoing verb. ‘Also’ is an ongoing verb. We teach those who are able to teach others, who are able to teach others, and so it goes on. 6/7

© John Mallison You Can Do It! everyMentoring is a very significant role every Christian disciple can fulfil... irrespective of age or experience. It is not restricted to ‘giants of the faith’. you If this is true of you, you can be God’s agent in enriching another person’s life. The basic requirement The basic requirement is a living relationship with God and an ability to listen and respond sensitively, and to encourage. 5/14

© John Mallison You You Can Do It cont... Men often fear to share But deep bonding can take place.Men : they often fear to share their inner struggles, thoughts and feelings, lest disclosure erodes others’ confidence in them. But deep bonding can take place. Women natural mentors and co-mentorsWomen : they are natural mentors and co-mentors. Busy peopleBusy people : some of the best mentoring is done by very active people. HouseboundHousebound : they can mentor by means of their phones or by inviting others to visit them. Seniors Growing older as participants rather than spectators!Seniors : the wisdom of long experience can greatly benefit others. Growing older as participants rather than spectators! 5/15

© John Mallison The Heart Of Christian Mentoring Mentoring is concerned essentially with assisting a person to recognise and respond to the prompting of God’s Spirit the mind and power of Christ so that the mind and power of Christ all may govern all a person is and does in order to arrive at the goal to which God is leading. It is about enabling another live and keep in step with the Spirit to ‘live and keep in step with the Spirit’ (Gal 5:25). Helping The Development Of A Growing Relationship With God 12/1

© John Mallison Roles keep changing to meet different needs and situations. In practice, roles overlap one another. Some mentors will be better equipped to fulfil one role more than another and will perform best when operating that way. The Main Roles Of A Mentor 17/1

© John Mallison Spiritual Guide Paul summarises this role, 'We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ' (Col 1:28). It is essentially about keeping those we help focusing on Christ and keeping their lives open to his grace in the fullest possible way. 17/3

© John Mallison Coach Coaching is a response to Paul's challenge 'to equip the saints for the work of ministry'. (Eph 4:12) · Providing help in understanding and maximising their ministries. · The artisan/apprentice relationship or the coach of anindividual sportsperson or team, are good models. · Mentors may involve mentorees in aspects of their own ministry to observe and for them to perform certain tasks, · Followed by time for reflection on both the mentor's and mentoree's performance. 17/4

© John Mallison Teacher · Integral to most of what a mentor does. · People learn both formally and informally. · Mentoring focuses more on informal learning. · Experience based learning. · Reviewing of life and ministry experiences, the exploring of options for the way ahead, and planning accordingly. 17/6

© John Mallison Pastor · Servanthood, an essential aspect of pastoring, is best modelled by Christ. · Peter's moving dialogue with Jesus after the resurrection. · Christian mentors will be shepherds to their mentorees as they care for, protect, guide, nourish, comfort, heal and encourage. 17/8

© John Mallison Model Much of human behaviour is learnt by the observation of models Modelling is the greatest form of unconscious learning. Mentorees need models as visual aids. Jesus’ disciples learnt so much from just being with him. or seen in mePaul urged his readers, ‘Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me – put it into practice. Probably most of what our mentorees learn from us will be learnt just being with us, from observing who we are – our being, what we do and the way we do it, our attitudes, our values and our behaviour. John U’ren – ‘Do they see your priorities and values?’ Biographies and autobiographies of contemporary and historical Christian leaders. 17/9

© John Mallison Encourager Mentors must be encouragers. If a mentoree goes away discouraged, we have failed. There should always be a positive and helpful outcome. There will be times when we will speak firmly, even reprimand, but it must always be from a gospel perspective of hope. Scripture is a major source of encouragement. The ultimate encouragement found in God. 17/10

© John Mallison Setting Boundaries We need to know what is our task and what isn’t, when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’. Boundaries help us take control of our lives. People can assume functions that in the end are not helpful, which prevent another accepting ownership, taking responsibility for themselves. Christians often find this confusing. Paul puts it well when he says, ‘Bear one another’s burdens’ (Gal 6:2) and then goes on to say, ‘all should carry their own loads’ (Gal 6:5). ‘Burden’ - beyond our normal ability to carry. ‘Load’ - what is manageable. 24/1

© John Mallison Consult and be accountable Discuss the boundaries Be available - within reason Keep confidences Avoid excessive intimacy –Touches can be good, bad or confusing. (Codes of Ethics) Allow others their freedom to develop god’s way –Don’t try to force mentorees into your own mould Setting Boundaries cont... 24/2

© John Mallison Don’t be a perpetual rescuer Repeated rescuing only reinforces irresponsible behaviour. Mentors help their mentorees take responsibility for their lives. There are consequences to all our actions - good or bad, helpful or unhelpful, joyful or sorrowful. Know your own limitations - act as a bridge to specialised resources Engender respect for your boundaries Limit the time-span of your relationship Learn to let go –Endings are a natural part of any relationship. –Use a simple closure strategy Setting Boundaries cont... 24/3

© John Mallison Mentoring Styles Factors Which Determine Style Our temperament - affects...the manner in which we act, feel and think. Our perception of mentoring –mentoree-centred, concerned mainly with his or her personal development and well-being –performance-centred, getting a task done well Directive and Non-directive Styles Directive mentors can often become manipulative, keeping the mentoree in a highly dependent role. (Not all unhelpful.) Non-directive mentors act gently and reassuringly. 18/1

© John Mallison Mentoring Styles cont... Functional Style A functional mentor responds to the needs of the mentoree in varying situations. Flexible in their styles. Both mentoree- and performance-centred. Holistic in their approach Grace-Givers and Truth-Tellers Grace-giving ‘ the art of empowering or encouraging someone in their ministry or their station in life’. Truth-telling ‘is the art of informing someone about objective reality’. 18/2

© John Mallison Grace-Givers & Truth-Tellers Grace-Givers Grace-Givers- Inspire - Empower - Encourage - Mentoree-centred Truth-Tellers Truth-Tellers- Inform - Give advice - Instruct - Direct - Performance-centred 18/5

© John Mallison Jesus’ Style Jesus’ Style Our ultimate model of style Jesus knew how to respond to the ever-changing situation of his disciples A servant leader but authoritative Spoke encouraging words but reprimanded Listened but knew when to instruct Cheered on ‘Full of grace and truth’ (John 1:14) 88 18/6

© John Mallison Peer Mentoring A Shared relationship, involving both giving and receiving. It is an Equal relationship between two people who value and respect each other and believe each can enrich the other. The ‘one another’ and ‘together’ passages of the New Testament can usually be lived out at a greater level of intimacy in peer mentoring relationships. 14/1

© John Mallison Peer Mentoring (continued) The effectiveness of these relationships is because of unrestricted openness, trust, commitment, sense of responsibility for each other and mutual accountability which is already present in good friendships. It can be developed further when there is an agreement to be more purposeful. Unfortunately this so readily available, and most effective form of mentoring is overlooked by many or not developed to its full potential. 14/2

© John Mallison ASK GOOD QUESTIONS Questions are enormously important. The art of asking good questions is a major factor in effective mentoring. Some say it’s the most important tool. Spending more time asking good questions, and listening rather than talking, is a good rule to follow ……………… Asking good questions… gets the mentoree thinking for themselves builds confidence as they have an active and not a passive role gathers useful information and clarifies issues encourages reflection, and promotes future action 25/1

© John Mallison Mentoring to Develop Disciples & Leaders contains 247 Questions !!  For reflection  For the first or early mentoring sessions  For ongoing mentoring sessions - Reporting back - Aspects of personal & spiritual life & ministry - Thinking through issues - Making action plans - Appraisal of relationship  For peer mentoring  For spiritual director’s issues  For spiritual formation groups 25/2

© John Mallison Active Listening ‘Seek first to understand’ Sensitive, empathetic, concentrated listening to discover what people are really trying to communicate is essential in a mentoring relationship. Indeed it is one of the most important aspects of good mentoring. 26/1

© John Mallison Listening in dialogue is listening more to meanings than to words… In true listening, we reach behind the words, see through them, to find the person who is being revealed. Listening is a search to find the treasure of the true person as revealed verbally and nonverbally. There is the semantic problem, of course. The words bear a different connotation for you than they do for me. Consequently, I can never tell you what you said, but only what I heard. I will have to rephrase what you have said, and check it out with you to make sure that what left your mind and heart arrived in my mind and heart intact and without distortion. John Powell, theologian 26/2

© John Mallison Silence of Love This silence of love is not indifference; it is not merely poverty of something to say. It is a positive form of self-communication. Just as silence is needed to hear a watch ticking, so silence is the medium through which heartbeats are heard. 26/3

© John Mallison 'It is never sufficient simply to have read God's word. It must penetrate deep within us, dwell in us like the Holy of Holies in the Sanctuary, so that we do not sin thought, word or deed. Just knowing Scripture does not mean that it will change us or automatically prevent us from doing wrong. Scripture must be believed, must come alive for us as being important & relevant, & must be acted upon if it is to be a power of good in our lives. The power of Scripture lies in its ability to give the wanderer direction; the disillusioned, hope; the seeker, answers; the discouraged, comfort; & provide us with the words that reflect God's heart & purpose. 'God's word must become part of the way we think if it is to direct us.' (Dietrich Bonhoeffer) 22/2

© John Mallison But these are written that But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God,believing Son of God, and that by believing you life in his name. may have life in his name. John 20:31 22/4

© John Mallison The Crucial Role Of Prayer The Need For Prayer Support The power of collective prayer Prayer With Mentorees The Need For Prayer In Effective Mentoring Personal spirituality and mission, Prayer and work, Faith and action, Withdrawal and participation All Belong Together Jesus said, ‘Without me you can do nothing’ (John 15:5b). 21/1

© John Mallison The Model Of Jesus' Prayer Life Through times of solitude with his Father he maintained that intimacy which undergirded and empowered his whole life and ministry. (Mark 1:35; Luke 6:12-15) 21/5

© John Mallison Although Paul had great gifts and held an eminent place in the early church, he was dependent on the prayers of others. Strong example of personal humility and mutuality of Christian Community. 21/6

© John Mallison Eph 6:19,20“Pray also for me, that...” “Pray that I may...” Col 4:3,4“Pray for us that...” “Pray that...” 1 Thess 5:25“...pray for us” 2 Thess 3:1, 2“Pray for us that...” “Pray that we...” Heb 13:18“Pray for us.” Co1 4:18“Remember my chains.” Paul Asked For Prayer 21/7

© John Mallison Today is…… BE KIND TO MOBILES DAY!! We suggest you give your mobile an easier day Please keep your mobile off during the sessions Thank.

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© John Mallison Today is…… BE KIND TO MOBILES DAY!! We suggest you give your mobile an easier day Please keep your mobile off during the sessions Thank.

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Presentation on theme: "© John Mallison Today is…… BE KIND TO MOBILES DAY!! We suggest you give your mobile an easier day Please keep your mobile off during the sessions Thank."— Presentation transcript:

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