1. Writing Workshop 4 Paragraph organization
Chunyan Shao (Shandong University)

2. Our objectives today To write a paragraph
To find a good topic sentence
To provide good support
To provide a good conclusion

3. A good paragrpah A good paragraph has three parts: Topic sentence
Developing/supporting sentence
Concluding sentence
A good paragraph has two elements
Unity
Coherence

4. Topic sentence complete sentence not too general, not too narrow
usually the first sentence
state the main idea but not the details
It states the topic and the controlling ideas

5. Better topics?
1. American food is terrible
2. American food is tasteless and greasy because of canned, frozen, and prepackaged foods
3. American food is tasteless and greasy
4. I love city life
5. Cities attract me for their colorful cultural activities

6. Two parts of a topic sentence
The topic names the subject of the paragraph.
The controlling idea limits or controls the topic to a specific area that you can discuss in the space of a single paragraph.E.g.
Convenience food are easy to prepare.
Immigrants have contributed many delicious foods to U.S. cuisine.

7. Controlling ideas
Independent films are characterized by experimental techniques, low production costs, and provocative themes.
A topic sentence should not have controlling ideas that are unrelated.
Independent films are characterized by experimental techniques.

8. Exercises: Topic and controlling ideas
1. Driving on free ways requires skill and alertness.
2. The Caribbean island of Trinidad attracts tourists because of its calypso music.
3. Special beaches make Puerto Rico a tourist paradise.
4. Moving away from home can be a stressful experience for young people.
5. Participiting in class discussions is a problem for several different groups of students.
6. It is an expensive luxury to own an automobile in a large city.

9. Supporting sentence Description Exemplification Cause-to-effect
Comparison &contrast
Classification…
Public behaviour of sports figures is a poor example for our youth.
Q: Why do you say that?
What is your evidence?
Name some examples to prove your points.

10. Unity Each paragraph, only one idea A new idea, a new paragraph.
Every supporting sentence should be directly related to the main idea.

11. Anything wrong?
Progress is gradually being made in the fight against cancer. In the early 1990s, few cancer patients had any hope for long term survival. But because of advances in medical technology, progress has been made so that currently one in three cancer patients survived. It has been proven that smoking is a direct cause of lung cancer. However the battle has not been won. Although cures for some forms of cancer has been discovered, other forms of cancer are still increasing. Heart disease is also increasing.

12. Coherence
In order to have coherence in writing, the movement from one sentence to the next must be logical and smooth ,there must be no sudden jumps.
Transitional signals

13. Anything wrong?
Lily is an interesting girl. Lily is a humorous girl. Everybody hates Lily. John does not like Lily. Lily seldom talks with John.

14. Free writing on the topic
Hiking in the mountains can be very dangerous.
Write down whatever comes to your mind on a piece of paper.
Complete sentences, Phrases, Key words, Pictures, Charts, Tables
Anything that can help you with the topic

15. Discussion on the topic
Now based on free-writing, decide on three points you would like to include in your paragraph.
Now pls. draw an outline of what you are going to write.
15 minutes for discussion

16. Hiking in mountains is dangerous
Outline
Roads
food
weather
loneliness
lost
animals
Dangerous people
No friends
alone
insects

17. Alone
road
Animals
Lost
Weather
Dangerous people
Hiking in mountains dangerous
loneliness
insects
Traps
undiscovered danger

18. Now fill in the details Hiking in mountains is dangerous Outline Roads
Steep, rugged
food
No enough
weather
Changing
whimsical
loneliness
Miss friends
lost
No way out
animals
threat
Dangerous people
Potential danger
No friends
alone
Loneliness, cannot cope with dangers
insects
Bite, snakes,…

19. Now write
Pls. write a 4-sentence paragraph explaining why it is dangerous to hike in the mountains.
The first is given to you as the topic sentence.
1. Hiking in the mountains can be very dangerous.
2. ……
3. ……
4. ……

20. Topic Sentence (Main Idea)
Simple paragraph
Topic Sentence (Main Idea)
Supporting Detail 1
Supporting Detail 2
Supporting Detail 3

21. Example
Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous. Hungry bears will be searching for food. When it rains, the trail—which is very steep at some points—becomes slippery. Severe weather develops quickly.

22. Making a choice Choose the points that you are most familiar with.
Do not include so much so that you cannot handle.
We are not supposed to exhaust the details.

23. Something to avoid… Firstly Secondly, Thirdly…
It is not a recipe and we are not making a list!
There are other ways to achieve the same goal.

24. To make it coherent
Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous. One reason is that hungry bears will be searching for food. Another reason is when it rains, the trail—which is very steep at some points—becomes slippery. A third reason is that severe weather develops quickly.

25. The coherent paragraph
Now pls. add or change the transitional signals to your writing to make it more coherent, if necessary.

26. A complex paragraph
Now pls. write a 7-sentence paragraph explaining why it is dangerous to hike in the mountains.
Use the same points of your first writing.
Explain why the points you have listed can support “it is dangerous to hike…”.

27. Complex Paragraph
Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous.
One reason is that hungry bears may be searching for food.______________.
Another reason is when it rains, the trail—which is very steep at some points—becomes slippery.________________________.
A third reason is that severe weather develops quickly. _______________.

28. Topic Sentence (Main Idea)
Complex Paragraph
Topic Sentence (Main Idea)
Supporting Detail 1
Relevance to the topic
Supporting Detail 2
Supporting Detail 3

29. The complex paragraph
Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous.
One reason is that hungry bears may be searching for food. They pose a threat to the hikers.
Another reason is when it rains, the trail—which is very steep at some points—becomes slippery. It is very likely that the hikers slip and fall into the valleys.
A third reason is that severe weather develops quickly, and the hikers may be exposed to storm and cold.

30. To make it complex
Now pls. revise your 7-sentence paragraph to explicitly explain the relevance of your evidence to the topic.

31. A complete paragraph Topic Sentence (Main Idea) Supporting Detail 1
Relevance to the topic
Supporting Detail 2
Supporting Detail 3
Closing Sentence

32. Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous.
One reason is that hungry bears may be searching for food.______________.
Another reason is when it rains, the trail—which is very steep at some points—becomes slippery.________________________.
A third reason is that severe weather develops quickly. _______________.
(Closing Sentence)_______________________.

33. To draw a conclusion
Now pls. conclude your paragraph with one or two sentences.

34. How to make a conclusion?
A concluding sentence serves two purposes:
1. signals the end of the paragraph
2. leaves the reader with the most important ideas to remember

35. Concluding sentence can…
1. summarize the main points of the paragraph.
2. repeat the topic sentence in different words.

36. Useful expressions Lastly, Therefore, Thus, Finally, In brief, Indeed,
In short,
In conclusion, To sum up, In summary
At last

37. Useful expressions The evidence suggests that …
These examples show that …
We can see that ...
In these respects…
In this sense…
According to those information…

38. An example
Native people create legends to explain unusual phenomena in their environment. A legend from the Hawaiian island of Kauai explains how the naupaka flower, a flower that grows on beaches there, got its unusual shape. The flower looks like half a small daisy-there are petals on one side only. The legend says that the marriage of two young lovers on the island was opposed by both sets of parents. The parents found the couple together on a beach one day, and to prevent them from being together,

39. one of the families moved to the mountains, separating the young couple forever. As a result, the naupaka flower separated into two halves; one half moved to the mountains, and the other half stayed near the beach. This story is a good example of a legend invented by native people to interpret the world around them.

40. Note for conclusion
Never introduce a new idea in the concluding sentence.
In conclusion, hiking on the trails is dangerous, but it can also be full of fun. (This is a new idea~)
In conclusion, there are many other legends like this one in Hawaii. (This is a new idea.)

41. The complete paragraph
Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous.
One reason is that hungry bears may be searching for food. They pose a threat to the hikers.
Another reason is when it rains, the trail—which is very steep at some points—becomes slippery. It is very likely that the hikers slip and fall into the valleys.
A third reason is that severe weather develops quickly, and the hikers may be exposed to storm and cold.
(Closing Sentence) Therefore, hiking on the Appalachian Trail one faces danger from the animals, the trail and the weather change. It is perilous to hike there.

42. The complete paragraph
Now pls. revise your conclusion and rewrite your whole paragraph.

43. Modify your writing
Now based on your last writing, write a 5- sentence paragraph explaining why it is dangerous to hike in the mountains.
Do not omit any information in your previous writing.

44. A modified paragraph
Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous.
One reason is that hungry bears may be searching for food, thus posing a threat to the hikers.
Another reason is when it rains, the trail— very steep at some points—becomes slippery, in which case the hikers are very likely to slip and fall into the valleys.
A third reason is that severe weather develops quickly, and may expose the hikers to storm and cold.
Therefore, hiking on the Appalachian Trail one might be challenged by the animals, the trail and the weather change, all of which contribute to the peril of hiking there.

45. Comparison Now pls. compare your fist writing with the final one.
Write down what you have learned in this writing.

46. A review Topic sentence: two parts Supporting sentences Relevance
Concluding sentence