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Goals of Discouraged Children. All misbehavior stems from discouragement All misbehavior stems from discouragement n Real or percieved threat of loss.

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Presentation on theme: "Goals of Discouraged Children. All misbehavior stems from discouragement All misbehavior stems from discouragement n Real or percieved threat of loss."— Presentation transcript:

1 Goals of Discouraged Children

2 All misbehavior stems from discouragement All misbehavior stems from discouragement n Real or percieved threat of loss of status, acceptance, belonging

3 Four Categories of Discouraged Goals Four Categories of Discouraged Goals n Attention n Power n Revenge n Display of inadequacy

4 Clues needed to determine goals n Child’s feelings and behavior n Feelings and reactions of adults who interact with the child n Child’s responses when crticism or punishment is experienced

5 Attention n active constructive T’s pet n passive constructive clinging vine n active distructive class clown/obstructive n passive distructive ”lazy/dependent”/shy/scared n Feelings of adult=annoyed, irritated

6 Play strategies for Attention Seekers n Ignoring when child is seeking/demanding attention n Giving attention when child is not seeking/demanding it n Interpreting (during insight phase)

7 Power n Active--power struggles involving arguing, fighting, defiance n Passive--power struggles involving disobedience, forgeting, manipulating, being stubborn, being laziness, being uncooperative n Feeling of adult=anger, challenged, threatened

8 Play strategies for children with too little power n Give all choices/control/power at first then work at shared power n Take turns making rules for games played/directing roleplay n Limited decisions

9 Play strategies for children with too much power n Egalitarian power sharing from beginning n Give choices and set consequences n Avoid taking threat/challenge to power personally n Avoid asking “parentified children to be too responsible

10 Play strategies for children from “chaotic” families n Allow child to be in control at beginning stage then move to shared control n Teach survival skills to child

11 Revenge n Active revenge--violent, malicious, cruel, i.e. bullies. Bed wetting, soiling, and stealing prized possesions. n Passive revenge--moody, pouty, threatening, withdrawal, sabotage. n Feelings of adult=hurt,anger

12 Play strategies for revenge seeking children n Avoid taking the child’s attemps to hurt you personally n Exercise patience and consistency n Assure that abuse is not currently occuring

13 Proving inadequacy n Active--suicide n Passive--Not trying, giving up easily, avoiding people/situations n Feelings of adult=hopeless,discouarged, helpless

14 Play strategies for children who are proving inadequacy n Avoid all criticism/judgement n More emphasis on asset hunting (teachers/parents) n Choose activities with high chance of success (games of chance, i.e. shoots and ladders, candyland, finger painting, sand play. n Limit number of toys to reduce chance of overwhelming

15 Lifestyle n Family atmosphere n Family constellation n Early recollections

16 Family Atmosphere n Parental attitudes toward the children n Parental discipline philosophies n Lifestyle of the parents n Family values

17 Family Atmosphere n Marital relationship n Parenting skills n Personal problems interferring with ability to provide warmth, respect, and structure n Family atmosphere of the parents’ family of origin

18 Typical types of family atmospheres n Democratic n Rejective n Authoritarian n Inconsistent n Pitying n Hopless

19 Typical types of family atmospheres n Suppressive n Overprotective n High Standards n Materialistic n Competitive n Disparaging n Inharmonious

20 Investigating family atmosphere n Observing the child and the parents n Asking questions n Art techniques

21 Observing the child and parents n Child--during play session--stick with the metaphor, during free play and other unstructured times, i.e. cafeteria n Parents during consultation n Parents interacting with child in waiting room, or during family session early in the counseling process

22 Asking questions n Lifesyle questionaire n 3-4 questions per session is recommended n Frame questions to the child metaphorically, using the play situation as a base, i.e. “What happens when the child doll doesn’t do what the mommy doll says to do? “ or “Tell me about the sister rabbit,” or “ Which of the parent rabbits is the baby rabbit most like?”

23 Art techniques n Kinetic family drawing (appendix E for questions) How does the child see others gaining significance?How does the child see others gaining significance? What are the interactional patterns?What are the interactional patterns? n Draw a symbol for each person in your family n Draw a symbol for the entire family

24 Family constellation/birth order n Psychological vs. ordinal position n Only, First, Second, Middle, Youngest n Divide class into groups and discuss traits

25 Only n relate easily to adults n independent n creative n pampered/expect others to be in their service n more self focused with low social interest

26 First n Responsible n Achievement/leadership oriented n Protective/nurturing n Bossy n Overly organized/responsible

27 Second n Avis complex/catch up/discouraged n Opposite personalities from oldest n Good social skills

28 Middle n Invisible/neglected/unloved n Peacekeepers/mediators/negoti ators n Innovative/creative n Rebel

29 Youngest n Charming/entertaining n Spoiled n Not taken seriously n Excel at something different

30 Investigating family constellation n Observation/questions/art n Looking for assets and liabilities n Sibling rating scale (appendix c) for parents n Kinestetic school drawing

31 Early recollections n Snapshot from first 6-8 years of how person sees self, others, life, what is worth pursuing and what is likely to happen n ERs provide clues to lifestyle, mistaken beliefs, social interactions, and goals of behavior n Event that happened only once vs. a regular pattern n ERs usually not used with children under 6-7

32 Obtaining ERs n Before asking for ERs establish rapport, and get family constellation information n Tell, draw, act out using puppets 5-7 ERs over several sessions n Write down everything the child says about the ER n Ask child to describe feelings associated to the ER

33 Making meaning from ERs n Look for central themes n Demo. Everyone writes 2-3ERs. Volunteer shares ERs and class uses questions to discover central themes

34 Lifestyle hypotheses n I am n I must n Others are n The world is n Life is n Therefore I must act as if n Therefore my behavior must be

35 Lifestyle hypotheses n Share over time to help child gain insight n Present as quesses using metaphors, art, & interpretations of conversation and play

36 Insight phase-- Helping child understand: n Goals of their behavior n Their basic convictions about themselves, others and the world n Behaviors they use to gain significance and sense of belonging

37 Techniques for insight phase-- n rate 1-10 ability to use these ten techniques-- n Sharing tentative hypotheses/interpretations n Metacommunication/communication patterns/nonverbal communication n Reading reactions to counselor statements n Role play

38 Techniques for insight phase n Metaphor n Mutual story telling n Bibliotherapy n Art n Immediacy, humor, confrontation n Connecting play sessions with real world

39 Interpretation using direct and indirect tentative hypotheses n Indirect for children who are resistant or defensive about direct interpretations n Indirect interpretations use the toy,doll,role play character or puppet as the focus of guesses about goals and convictions. It is importnat to stay with the child’s metaphor. (see p. 151) n Children’s play is usually more rich than their verbalizations for interpreting goals and convictions.

40 Metacomunication-- counselor interpretations of: n Patterns in how counselor and child relate n Nonverbal communication n Child’s reaction to counselor statements, interpretations, and questions

41 Role Play n Allow repetitions of role play events when the child seems to be gaining insight or emotional release from them n After 6-8 repetitions consider changing the scenario by adding a character or changing the direction of the role play. n Use the whisper voice and/or character voice to suggest changes.

42 Metaphors n Using child’s metaphor n Designing therapuetic metaphors for the child n Mutual Storytelling n Bibliotherapy

43 Using the child’s metaphors n Statements and guesses are made about the thoughts, behaviors, feelings, and goals of the characters in the play vs about the child. Ex. from Kottman--Lori, tying the house up--fear of divorce--”Looks like you are trying to keep the house from coming apart--It must be scary to the people who live in the house to think the house may come apartEx. from Kottman--Lori, tying the house up--fear of divorce--”Looks like you are trying to keep the house from coming apart--It must be scary to the people who live in the house to think the house may come apart n Avoid breaking the metaphor--addressing the problem directly--linking to child’s life before the child is ready to deal with the issue directly.

44 Designing Therapuetic Metaphors (see p.161 for steps) n Counselor develops story which is parallel to child’s situation. n Characters are included that represent the key people in the child’s life situation. n The characters face problems similar to the child’s.

45 Designing Therapuetic Metaphors (see p.161 for steps) n Feelings, thoughts, actions, and goals are attributed to the characters that match the child’s situation n After hardships the characters solve their problem in some healthy/constructive fashsion n Below age 8 animal characters usually work best, after age 8 people characters seem best.

46 Mutual Storytelling n For children up to age 8--ask child to choose puppets or animals, pretend they can talk and tell a story with them. n The story should not be something that really happened or from a movie, tv, book, but something they make up. n The story needs a beginning, middle, and end. The characters need to have a problem to solve and to find a way of solving it. n See questions p.165 to interpret the story

47 Bibliotherapy n Bookfinder-American Guidance Services-Circle Pines, MN. n Bibliotherapy catalog- Paperbacks for Educators n Books That Heal--

48 Art n Extending Kinetic Drawing Compare drawing at various stages of counselingCompare drawing at various stages of counseling Try other family/school drawings, i.e. ideal, with changes child would like, how they would like relationships to be with key people in their lifeTry other family/school drawings, i.e. ideal, with changes child would like, how they would like relationships to be with key people in their life

49 Cartoons n Cartoon helpers (age 8 & up) Draw fearful, worrisome situationDraw fearful, worrisome situation Draw a cartoon helper who can help with the problemDraw a cartoon helper who can help with the problem Draw how the fear/worry will look when it is resolvedDraw how the fear/worry will look when it is resolved

50 Symbolic Representations n Oaklanders’s rosebush n Members of their family/teacher/classmates symbolically

51 Reorientation/Reeducation-- n learning and practicing new ways to: n view self, others, world n behave in various situations n relate to others

52 Style of counselor interaction reorientation/reeducation phase n More directive n Problem solving/application to outside situations n Teaching/skill training Social skills, sharing, negotiatingSocial skills, sharing, negotiating Providing practice/coachingProviding practice/coaching n Review gains and prepare for termination


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