1. “Love your enemies” Mt 5:44

2. Great effort has been made to keep this presentation freely reproducible in its entirety. Omitting parts (especially these acknowledgements of contributors) or lifting selected parts may result in copyright infringement. Check details below and on contributers’ websites. I the writer am happy for it to be reproduced and distributed (including sale) for any good purpose providing that you include this copyright notice and do not exert your own copyright on any derivatives or performances of it, ie do not restrict or charge for subsequent copying and distribution. Copyright Graham and Teena Paul 2012, email paulsfamilymail@gmail.com. Unmarked bible quotes are my own translation from the Greek or Hebrew and are free to copy. Quotes marked “NIV” are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. (Zondervan deems free “Fair Use” policy to be 25% of the full work. Acknowledgement by this notice or similar is required.) Quotes marked “ESV” are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. (ESV allows free fair use up to 1000 verses and up to 50% of the resulting work, and must be acknowledged.) Quotes marked “NET” are by permission from the NET Bible® Copyright ©2005 Biblical Studies Press, LLC www.bible.org. All rights reserved. (NET Bible allows free fair use up to 1000 verses and up to 50% of the resulting work; it must be acknowledged. Above this, all paper distributions must be entirely free of charge, and all other forms of distribution must receive written permission which is usually freely given.) Bible illustrations are from Sweet Media bible Illustrations http://sweetpublishing.com and may be reproduced freely providing that they are acknowledged in this way or equivalent. Images marked “W” are taken from commons.wikimedia.org/ and are either public domain and/or copyright- expired and/or released for worldwide free use under the terms of the GNU licence. Clipart is taken from Microsoft Powerpoint and is freely reproducible. Microsoft denies all liability. Personal and family photos taken by us (Graham and Teena Paul) are unmarked and may be copied freely. Copyright Notice

5. Who Is My Enemy? A “hostile” one ( echthros )—anyone who is hostile or harmful to me. Jesus described hostile behaviours (see soon) – “my enemies” is not a fixed group of hostile people. An enemy is not the same as “someone I dislike”. An enemy acts harmfully against me

6. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other too. If someone takes your cloak, don’t stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, don’t demand it back. Do to others as you’d have them do to you. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people lend to sinful people, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Lk 6:27-36 Main passages on Enemies

7. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other too. If someone takes your cloak, don’t stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, don’t demand it back. Do to others as you’d have them do to you. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people lend to sinful people, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Lk 6:27-36 Main passages on Enemies

8. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other too. If someone takes your cloak, don’t stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, don’t demand it back. Do to others as you’d have them do to you. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinful people lend to sinful people, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Lk 6:27-36 Be kind to everyone, including the nasty ones. Main passages on Enemies

9. “You’ve heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor a and hate your enemy b.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Aren’t even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Don’t even pagans do that? Be complete, therefore, as your heavenly Father is complete.” (ie love both) Mt 5:43-48 a Lev 19:18 b Not in the Law. Presumably a Jewish tradition. Main passages on Enemies Friends Enemies    Friends Enemies NEIGHBOURS I LOVE

10. Range of hostile behaviours Mt 5:21-25, 38-48 Lk 6:27-42 Demanding of my time or possessions Mt 5:41-42 “Hate” ( miseō ) me Lk 6:27 in the milder sense of ignore, reject, prefer someone else instead of me Has something against me Mt 5:23 (holds a grudge, negative attitude towards me) Adversary, opponent ( antidikos ) Mt 5:25, Lk 12:58. Accuse, oppose, obstruct, make difficult, uncooperative Steal from me Mt 5:40 Lk 6:29 Hate ( miseō ) me in the sense of being malevolent Lk 6:27 Curse me Lk 6:28 (insults, accusations, predicting bad outcome) Mistreat and abuse me Lk 6:28 Violent Mt 5:39 Lk 6:29 Less malicious More malicious

11. Hostile actions towards me personally chased to work by drunken youths Surgical qualification assessments almost certainly falsified against me by senior surgeons Overcharged by NZ Medical Council ($2,000 for checking my paperwork and allowing me to work for 6 months) Required to do 20+ hours paperwork for NSW registration Shunned by father-in-law who won’t talk to us and doesn’t want us to be told when he dies Teena sometimes holds things against me and gets angry! Joshua opposes and obstructs me at times (homeschooling). ?

12. Common responses to hostility (observed) Retaliate Withdraw Suffer passively or

14. Outline 1. Don’t retaliate 2. Immediate kind response 3. Forgive 4. Correct my own faults first 5. Be persistently kind to them 6. Be reconciled 7. Win them over ?

16. 1. Don’t retaliate “Do not resist (antistēmi=stand against, oppose) an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.” Mt 5:39-40 Don’t fight back, don’t harm the other person Can still speak out against it (to resolve, not to harm) Jn 18:23, Mt 18:15-17 Leaving or fleeing is still a later option Mt 10:23 Need an alternative plan of what good I will do eg of youths; not discrediting senior pastor

18. 2. Immediate kind response “If someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you” Mt 5:40-42 Eg hard! Hostile patient  sympathetic, how can I help. Hostile neighbour  extra warm and chatty. African officials obstructive  friendly and appreciative. ?

20. 3. Forgive “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” Mt 6:14-15 Sometimes quick, but can take a long time—10s or 100s of hours, over months

22. 4. Correct my own faults first “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Mt 7:3-5 Necessary because: Usually some fault on both sides I need to make sure my heart and attitudes are kind, or later reconciliation and winning over will be corrupted eg attitudes to surgeons; attitudes to Joshua sometimes! ?

24. 5. Be persistently kind to them (See verses next slide) Be kind and friendly still: Greet them Mt 5:47 Do good to them Lk 6:27 Pray for them Lk 6:28, Mt 5:44 Bless them Lk 6:28 (bless  beyond needs) Give, lend without expecting repayment Lk 6:30,34 Do for them what you’d like them to do for you Lk 6:31 eg of father-in-law; demanding African children

25. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Lk 6:27-36

27. Reconcile = normalise a relationship, cease hostilities (Bauer’s) Very high priority – can’t wait 1 hour even for worshipping God Reason: conflict is destructive to all parties (eg WWII) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. 25 Settle matters [eunoeō ] quickly with your adversary [antidikos] who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny” Mt 5:23-26 6. Reconcile

28. How does one “reconcile”? Show goodwill: Eunoeō = lit. ‘good mind’ or ‘thinking well’ Mt 5:25; suggests goodwill, being favorable and agreeable, come to an agreement. Eg assure them of my friendly intentions (eg Joseph Gen 50:21) Approach humbly, from a low position: Lost son said he was unworthy to be called his son Father went out to reason with elder son Joseph’s brothers were willing to be his slaves Gen 50:18 Acknowledge my own fault (to help them forgive): Example of lost son Luke 15:21 Make amends or give a gift: Example of Jacob reconciling with Esau Gen 32-33

29. 6. Reconciling: eg 1 surgeons Show goodwill:Explain good intentions, wish them well Thank them for benefits provided Approach humbly, from a low position: Acknowledge my own fault (to help them forgive): No real fault but acknowledged unwanted side effect of unpleasantness for them Make amends or give a gift:

30. Dear J, I trust that you are well. I think of you from time to time, and hope that everything is going well for you. I am writing as an expression of goodwill. It was always a source of regret to me that the case involved so much work and unpleasantness for you, as that side effect was never my wish. If there had been some other way to address the matters which I believed would be effective, I would have preferred that. I was and remain grateful to you for the efforts which you personally put into teaching the registrars, and your excellent on-the-job operative training to me. I would like to think that the case is behind us. If in the future our paths should ever cross, I hope that it will be as amicable colleagues. For myself, things have turned out well. We have been doing third world medical and missions work in the Philippines and Africa, as was always my goal, and at the end of this year we are off to Africa again to work at a mission hospital for six months. At other times, I do medical locum work in Australia to maintain our income, as the third world work is of course unpaid. Kind regards and best wishes, Graham Paul

31. Graham, … Thank you for keeping me abreast of the direction of your surgical work which I am sure is highly rewarding and fulfills a greatly undermet need. I wish you well in your endeavours. I have no sense of bitterness over the issues in Wellington, life is too short for such destructive emotions, and I would like to think we can shake hands and "move on" if and when we meet in future. Regards J

32. Dear Graham, … For my part I have forgotten nothing, forgiven even less and remain deeply offended and aggrieved. I consider that I have done nothing ethically, morally or legally wrong in my previous dealings with you and don't need your afiirmation and validation – you do not have the magisterial moral high ground. You had a chance for reconciliation when I asked for an apology – I can clearly recall your subsequent contemptuous and dismissive letter. I now wish to have nothing to do with you and I hope that our paths do not ever cross – we will never be amicable colleagues. I have no interest in your present activities, religiosity or future aspirations. I would ask that you do not contact me again – I have no intention of responding to any future corespondence. B

33. 6. Reconciling: Eg 2: Teena ? Show goodwill:Affirm love & friendship for her & valuing of marriage Sit down together companionably Approach humbly, from a low position: Sit down together Acknowledge my own fault (to help them forgive): Acknowledge where I went wrong or am struggling Make amends or give a gift: Provide a favorable way forward; offer to meet her more than halfway; offer to help

35. 7. Win them Over (Will come back to this)

36. Review of Jesus’ teaching: 1. Don’t retaliate 2. Immediate kind response 3. Forgive 4. Correct my own faults first 5. Be persistently kind to them 6. Be reconciled 7. Win them over ?

38. 7. Win them Over “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 If he won’t listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the community*; and if he refuses to listen even to the community*, treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector” Mt 18:15-17 * ekklēsia = any group, assembly or community, not necessarily church

39. 7. Win them Over: Keys Must prepare adequately! Forgive, remove plank from my own eye, be kind in heart and deed towards the brother/enemy. Aim is to win him over and change his behaviour and have closer relationship—not to establish justification for rejecting him. Aim to win him over as discreetly as possible, otherwise publicly. Method is showing him his fault—requires full and open discussion. If unsuccessful, no punishment. Gentiles and tax collectors were still treated cordially and respectfully, just little contact. Does the sinner no favour to leave them to continue sinning. May not realise what they’re doing. May not realise that what they’re doing is wrong. May not realise there are other options in this type of situation.

40. How I (try to) win people over 1. Forgive them (until I feel positively towards them); 2. Sort out my own fault in the matter (if any). 3. Ask and listen—calm, friendly, conducive setting. Non-accusative, open-ended. Listen to their account. 4. Re-evaluate: have they actually sinned, by the standard of Jesus’ teachings or the Law? Or is it a misunderstanding, or a wrong perception on my part? 5. Explain reality of situation. Focus on facts and a Godly standard, not on feelings. 6. Offer a positive way forward.

41. Winning Over vs Judging Mt 18:15-17 Evaluate action Condemn (widely) Punish, retaliate. Seeks to harm, at cost of relationship. Door closed. Wrong standard, wrong facts, plank eye Hostile motive Unforgiveness etc Friendly motive to correct sin, continue rel n, with minimum of publicity Godly standard. (Enquire re facts?) Try to win over alone. Try with 2-3 more, then community Not close relationship, but cordial. No harm. Door open. Winning over Judging

42. Winning OverArguing, Conflict 1.Forgive them first. Done kindly, seeking better relationship. 1. - (Done in unforgiveness, hostility) 2. Sort out my own fault first (if any) My admission makes it easier for him to forgive me. 2. - (No aids to forgiveness, so he is more likely to be hostile.) (Relatively easy to receive.)(Very hard to receive.) 3. Ask and listen first Perception may change depending on their explanation 3. - (Mind already made up in judgment; not open to further input) 4. Re-evaluate; what is their sin? May end here if due to misunderstanding or wrong standard 4. - (Guilt already “established”, often on false standard; presses on in judgement rgd’less) 5. Explain reality, focussing on facts and Godly standard 5. Explains own view, accuses, usually based on feelings and/or false standard 6. Offers a positive way forward, a strategy for next time; opens doors 6. - Condemnation, “don’t do it”; shuts doors (Improves relationship)(Damages relationship)

43. Eg 1: Birthday baggage Situation: Teena upset with Graham because he hadn’t made her birthday more “special” (2001). 1. Forgive her: ok. 2. Sort out own fault: conscience clear this time. 3. Ask and listen: 11pm-4am due urgency of problem 4. Re-evaluate: a problem, because T upset and accusing when Graham had done only good things (so false accusation) 5. Explain situation. Focus on facts, not feelings: what Graham had done was fine; Teena’s perception and false accusations arose from emotions due to unforgiveness regarding previous birthdays in childhood. 6. Offer a positive way forward: Teena to pray and work at forgiving previous birthdays’ baggage

44. Eg 2: Joshua resistant Situation: Joshua resistant re homeschooling, esp. writing 9am. 1. Forgive him: fairly easy. 2. Sort out own fault: not aware of any initially 3. Ask and listen: chatted at bedtime. 4. Re-evaluate: his resistance was actually an immature response to being asked to do a task which he found difficult 5. Explain situation. Focus on facts, not feelings: explained it’s better to say it’s too hard, or ask for something simpler, than be obstructive 6. Offer a positive way forward: work out an easier system, of doing fewer words with more repetition

45. Eg 3: (bad) Senior Pastor fired Associate Pastor Situation: Senior Pastor fired Associate Pastor for following the leading of the Holy Spirit to go on a 4-week missions trip, without his permission. Problems with Senior Pastor’s approach: Wrong standard, based on church tradition—“rebellion against senior pastor”; didn’t accept HS as being greater than Senior Pastor! No great effort to “win over” the Associate Pastor—just wanted to dismiss him. Discussed with ‘2-3 others’ (elders’ meeting), but no attempt to win him over with cooperation of community—merely announced to church after dismissal completed. Keener to dismiss than win over.

46. Eg 4: Opposing Graham helping in Chch Situation: Teena upset about coming to Chch Mar 2011, argued and opposed Graham and made life difficult for him to help his mother etc. 1. Forgive her: took months (was one of a series of events). 2. Sort out own fault: needed to remember that I am fitting in with God, not responsible for making everything happen myself. 3. Ask and listen: set time one afternoon, discussed it from both sides for several hours 4. Re-evaluate: definitely a problem because T opposing good things which HS had called us to do 5. Explain reality of situation. Focus on facts, not feelings: what Graham was doing was actually good; Teena’s emotions due to her heart + hypothyroid + various triggers, not to sin by Graham; opposing Graham in times of crisis is destructive to relationship. 6. Offer a positive way forward: Graham happy to help and make life easier for Teena; Teena needed to keep facing forward, even if only in 1 st gear or with rests in neutral – but no turning back. Thyroxine helps!

47. Pitfalls when “winning over” Difficult—requires a range of well-developed skills. 1. Failure to forgive first! Quickly degenerates into hostility. 2. Using wrong standard, esp. feelings of hurt/disappointment/ anger. (See talk on Judging) 3. Talking to the wrong person—their boss, their friends, my friends, rather than communicating with them 4. Reluctance to try to win someone over because they will probably react badly, or their problem is in the “unmentionable” category

48. Pitfalls when “winning over” 5. The “brother” may react with unhelpful tactics: Angry, emotional – difficult to stay calm and on track. Important to be well-sorted myself. Need patience and kindness. Diversions, esp. counter-accusations, discrediting, judgments– difficult to stay on track. Need to stay focussed and not defend myself. Threats, if subject not dropped – difficult not to be deterred. Need to have clear goals and priorities and know what HS wants. Denials and lying about the facts – can block the process. Need to establish facts carefully first when “asking and listening”. If I was the victim, I know the facts! Terminate relationship – difficult to continue to win them over. May require years of gentle persistence and friendliness from a distance.

50. Listen to the Holy Spirit Is there anything God wants to say to me about my enemies? Is there one hostile behaviour or “enemy” in particular whom God wants me to respond to more as Jesus taught? How? HS

51. Discussion Did the Holy Spirit say anything about my “enemies”? Did I learn anything new or useful about “enemies”? Do I have any queries or sticking points in my mind as to how it could work out in practice? Is there any hostile behaviour I have to respond to? Do I have a godly way forward or do I still need inspired ideas?

52. What about Denouncing Enemies? -- may need revision Jesus was not able to “win over” the Jewish leaders, and denounced them at length (Mt 23 “Woe to you, you Pharisees!” and elsewhere). Was after 3 years of teaching and doing miracles and warning them to repent, trying to win them over. Was after they had decided to kill him, and had totally rejected his message despite being well aware of its contents. Was something the Father specifically told him to do Jn 12:47-50. His prophecy of doom Mt 23:37-24:19 was confirmed by God’s judgment on Israel in 70 AD. Not something Jesus taught to do as a general principle. Therefore, denouncing: Has a very limited place in extreme circumstances. Only as specifically directed by God. Not something I’ve ever done. Not something to be done lightly. Serious error if not authorised by God. Would need to be very sure it was God’s direction.