How Do You Deal With Emotions? 1. I fling the door open and let it all show 2. I open the door but keep my hand on the handle 3. I open the door halfway and see what happens 4. I open the door a crack—just to show I’m alive 5. I check who’s there through the peep hole 6. I keep the door locked and bolted 7. Where’s the door?
“ Our feelings are always with us, but we are too seldom with them.” “…emotions have their own agenda…but our rushed lives give them no space…” Goleman,Daniel (1998). Goleman,Daniel (1998).
Men and Women’s Brains are Different Men and Women’s Brains are Different 1. The amygdala 1. The amygdala 2. The hippocampus 2. The hippocampus 3. The hypothalamus 3. The hypothalamus
The Secret Life of the Brain The Secret Life of the Brain “We are feelings machines that “We are feelings machines that think” think” — The Adult Brain — The Adult Brain
We Think in Emotional Footprints We Think in Emotional Footprints 2.5 milliseconds—we felt something 250 milliseconds—we thought about it We then re-filed it under a different We then re-filed it under a different feeling feeling
Why is The Identification of Feelings Important? Life DiskTrauma Disk BehaviorsFeelings GAPS
Plutchik’s Plutchik’s Theory of Theory of Emotions Emotions
“Feelings are windows, although perhaps broken, that give you insight and understanding as to defenses, coping mechanisms, survival strategies and beliefs. Just like a doctor, the “pain” (emotions), although symptomatic, may help lead you to the underlying cause.”
Thoughts Feelings Thoughts FEELINGS Feelings THOUGHTS Three Circles
Life Circles Life Circles Technique of Arnold Lazarus Lazarus, A.A. (1989). The practice of multimodal therapy. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins. Surface Cliches Facts Ideas Real Self EMOTIONS Nobody Knows
Limitations of Facial Expressions Humans use 250,000 facial signals and 700,000 physical signals when communicating with each other. Often these signals are combined: Illus: Confused
Nonverbal Communication Skills 93% of emotional meaning is conveyed without words; 55% through facial expressions, body postures, and gestures; and 38% through tone of voice. 93% of emotional meaning is conveyed without words; 55% through facial expressions, body postures, and gestures; and 38% through tone of voice. Elksnin, Linda and Elksnin, Nick (2003). Elksnin, Linda and Elksnin, Nick (2003).
Body-Based Emotional Descriptors Ice in his veins No room to breathe Makes me want to vomit No leg to stand on No intestinal fortitude Pain in the neck Saving face Spineless Galls me Tears me up inside Tight-lipped Blood boiling Heartache Gut wrenching Can’t stomach that Cold Shoulder
How We Reject Feelings 1. By DEFENDING or EXPLAINING ourselves 2. By APOLOGIZING before out mate understands we understand the feelings that were shared 3. By ATTACKING our partner with a defense 4. By ADVISING our partner 5. By CORRECTING the other
How We Accept Feelings 1. REFLECTING—“It sounds as if you feel” 2. CLARIFYING—“Are you saying that…” 3. EXPLORING—“I’m not sure what you mean…”