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Do Now: Eliminate the unnecessary words in the following sentences. The number in parentheses is a suggested maximum number of words for each sentence.

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Presentation on theme: "Do Now: Eliminate the unnecessary words in the following sentences. The number in parentheses is a suggested maximum number of words for each sentence."— Presentation transcript:

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2 Do Now: Eliminate the unnecessary words in the following sentences. The number in parentheses is a suggested maximum number of words for each sentence. 1.It seems that after many years of study and then years of writing, Adam Smith published a book that was called The Wealth of Nations. (14) 2. This lengthy, protracted book had in the neighborhood of a thousand pages, and those pages included a sixty-three-page index. (12)

3 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? …run a pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigor it will give your style… Sydney Smith, English writer

4 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? 1. Eliminate Redundancies 2. Avoid unnecessary repetition of words 3. Cut empty or inflated phrases 4. Simplify the structure 5. Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single words

5 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? 1.Eliminate redundancies. – Twenty-something’s are often thought of or stereotyped as apathetic even though many are active in political and service groups. – Joel was determined in his mind to lose weight. – Daniel is now employed at a doctor’s office working as a therapist.

6 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? 2.Avoid unnecessary repetition of words. – Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient. – The best teachers help each student to become a better student both academically and emotionally.

7 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? 3.Cut empty or inflated phrases. – In my opinion, our current immigration policy is misguided. – It seems that Harry Potter and the Half- Blood Prince is Rowling’s darkest novel. – We will file the appropriate papers in the event that we are unable to meet the deadline.

8 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? 4.Simplify the structure – The financial analyst claimed that because of volatile market conditions she could not make an estimate of the company’s future profit. – Eduartina is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budgets for travel, contract services, and personnel. – It is imperative that all police officers follow strict procedures when apprehending a suspect.

9 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? 5.Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single words – We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home of Thomas Jefferson. – For her birthday we gave Jess a stylish vest made of silk.

10 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? Smith believed that there are certain basic, essential economic laws in existence and that these laws work to the benefit of everyone if people "let the market alone." (17) Smith believed that there are certain basic, essential economic laws in existence and that these laws work to the benefit of everyone if people "let the market alone." (17) He believed that something along the lines of an "invisible hand" guides economics. (10) He believed that something along the lines of an "invisible hand" guides economics. (10) The first basic, important, essential law that governs the field of economics is self-interest. (5, but can you do it in 3?)

11 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? – economy achieved by expressing a great deal in just a few words – Getting the most out of every word! 1.Eliminate redundancies 2.Avoid repetition 3.Cut empty phrases 4.Simplify structure 5.Reduce clauses and phrases

12 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? Jonathan Swift Proper words in proper places…

13 Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences? Turn to Exercise 16-1, page 211. Turn to Exercise 16-1, page 211. On a separate sheet of paper, rewrite sentences 1- 5, editing for wordiness. On a separate sheet of paper, rewrite sentences 1- 5, editing for wordiness. Each table must submit their sentences. Each table must submit their sentences.

14 1.Seeing the barrels, the driver slammed on the brakes. 2.A well-stocked bookshelf should have classical literature and important modern works. 3.China’s huge work population affects high-tech manufacturing globally. 4.A typical autocross course consists of at least two straight-aways, numerous slaloms, and several sharp turns. 5.Mehrdad always had cantaloupe, lemon yogurt, and black coffee for breakfast. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?

15 “A writer wastes nothing.” “A writer wastes nothing.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald “Concision is honesty, honesty concision—that’s one thing you need to know.” – John Simon “Epigrams succeed where epics fail.” “Epigrams succeed where epics fail.” – Persian proverb


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