3 Southern Medical Terminology “You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country.”- Robert Frost
4 Southern Medical Terminology “The educated Southerner has no use for an ‘r,’ except at the beginning of a word.”- Mark Twain
5 Southern Medical Terminology Some things happen in the South that just don’t happen in other parts of the country.
6 Southern Medical Terminology It is really hard to determine where errant Southern Medical Terminology developed.
7 Southern Medical Terminology Factors include:High illiteracy rates.Southern language trends.Influence of folk medicine and other belief systems.Religion.Influence of freed slaves and other ethnic groups.
8 Southern Medical Terminology Abbominable pain = abdominal painAcid in the blood = a summer rash due to eating too many tomatoes.Actin’ drunk = vertigoArthuritis = meanest of those “itis” brothers.Athletic seizure = epileptic seizureAugres = violent, shaking chills
9 Southern Medical Terminology Bad = tendency. (“I’m bad to eat sweets.”)Bad blood = positive syphilis serology.Bate = abate. “The pain bates down.”Bealed = gather matter, come to a head (often in reference to ear infections)Bottom = perineum
10 Southern Medical Terminology Cadillacs = cataractsCascade = vomit; also referred to as:Technicolor yawnYelling at the concreteHollerin’ for RalphWantin’ a BuickDrivin’ the porcelain busChicken breath = “she can’t breathe”Chicken Pops = chicken pox
12 Southern Medical Terminology Clabber = What happens to milk in the stomach. Felt to be significant when seen in vomitus.Clogs = clots (“Dem blood clogs is comin’ down”)Clutter Headache = cluster headacheCold = any unexplained inflammation above the waist (“I got a cold in my shoulder”)
13 Southern Medical Terminology Courage = potency (also see “nature”)Deathly sick = nauseatedDown there = delicate reference to the genitalsDrawin’ Spell = hyperventilation with carpopedal spasm.Dropsy = heart failureEvicted = addicted
14 Southern Medical Terminology Fester = to become infectedFireballs of the Eucharist = fibroids of the uterusFlustrated = Flustered and frustrated all in one.Gape = Gasp (“He had to gape for his breath”)
15 Southern Medical Terminology Gaulded = Scalded appearance (usually refers to a groin rash)Give out = completely exhaustedGoober = penis (often used with prefix “little”)Goozle = throatGoin’ Down = Getting weaker
16 Southern Medical Terminology Hard attack = heart attack (“He had a couple of hard attacks, but he’ll be OK”)Hark = cough or clear throatHawk = cough or clear throat, often used with the terms:LoogieLung Oysters
20 Southern Medical Terminology Low blood = anemia (“I got high blood and low blood too!”)Matter = accumulated thick secretionsMess = a lotMighty Internal Fart = myocardial infarctionMonthly = menses (“Damn that man, my monthly is late again.”)
21 Southern Medical Terminology Nature = potencyNerves = any psychiatric disorderNervous bust-up = nervous breakdownNode = was aware ofNull = diminish (“My pain nulled down”)Numbin’ medicine = local anestheticOctagen = oxygen
25 Southern Medical Terminology Persh to death = waste awayPiles = hemorrhoidsPity party = feeling bad for selfPlumb = completely or trulyPoke = sack containing medication (also intercourse)Pone = Smooth, rounded subcutaneous nodule
26 Southern Medical Terminology Privacies = genitaliaProud = glad (“I’m proud I don’t have cancer”)Regulate my bowels = give something for constipation or diarrheaRift = belchRight = very (“I am right tired”)Risin’ = small, inflammatory nodule
27 Southern Medical Terminology Roaches on my liver = cirrhosis of the liverRoot Drop = impotenceSeeds = testiclesShy kidneys = can’t urinate while watchedSick as hell anemia = sickle cell anemiaSick rag = wet cloth to forehead
28 Southern Medical Terminology Skim = haziness (“There is a skim over my eyes”)Smilin’ Mighty Jesus = spinal meningitisSprangles = paresthesiasStraddle = crotchStubborn = constipatedSwimmin’ = vertigo
29 Southern Medical Terminology Technical shot = tetanus shotTerrify = annoy greatlyThick blood = imaginary condition whereby the doctor gives blood thinnersThrowing up his toenails = impressive vomitingTrots = diarrheaTylon = Tylenol
30 Southern Medical Terminology Vomick = vomitWeak kidneys = incontinentWeasles = measlesWen = sebaceous cyst (usually on head)Whelps = hivesWorkin’ medicine = laxativeWorry = to bother
37 Redneck Trauma Score Patient coming from or going to jail...4 pts Spouse in jail…………………………. 1 ptArrives via helicopter between 1:00-5:00 AM…………………………………… 1 ptKnown by at least 5 persons in ER… 1 ptTattoo….…1 point each (maximum 5 pts)If homemade…………….……1 extra pt
38 Redneck Trauma Score Last bath more than 2 weeks ago…..1 pt Forty pounds or more overweight……1 pt“Bad Back” and must be lifted by staff for all x-rays…………………………….1 ptBeard longer than 2 inches………….1 pt
39 Redneck Trauma ScoreKnown seizure disorder secondary to previous closed head trauma, but doesn’t know the name of medications that he is not taking……………….. 2 ptsRoutinely “vomicks” two or more times a week………………………………… 1 ptHas two children with the same first name………………………………… 1 pt
40 Redneck Trauma ScoreNumber of abortions – 1 point each (maximum of 3 points)Number of previous episodes of PID or VD -1 point each (maximum of 3 points)Previous suicide attempts…………..1 ptPreviously shot or stabbed………….2 ptsAllergic to Tylenol, Aspirin, Motrin, or Darvon…………………………….…1 pt
41 Redneck Trauma Score Allergic to Kwell……………………… 1 pt Drinks more than 2 cases of beer per week………………………………… 1 ptSmokes more than 2 cartons of cigarettes per week……………………………. 1 ptEducation less than 10th grade…….. 1 ptSells blood every other month……… 1 pt
42 Redneck Trauma Score On disability…………………………. 1 pt Seeking disability…………………… 1 ptFound at scene without shoes or socks and ambient temperature < 30 degrees…………………………….. 1 ptCalls EMS personnel “ambulance drivers”……………………………… 2 pts
43 Redneck Trauma ScoreFound at scene with stool or urine in shoes………………………………. 1 ptFound at scene with holes or excretions in underwear…………………………. 1 ptCalls a male paramedic “a good looking bitch”………………………………... 1 ptPatient or next of kin is named “Bubba”……………………………… 1 pt
45 Medical Humor - Mark Twain “Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is repeat with wisdom.”- Mark Twain
46 Medical Humor“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”- Mark Twain
47 Medical Jargon“That’s about as clear as the ostomy club swimming pool.”“That ain’t right”Testicles: they do dress a fellow up.“Never let knowledge or reason substitute for dogma.”“Never examine a child who is wearing cowboy boots.”“Never trust a naked baby.”
48 Medical Jargon “All bleeding stops.” “Don’t let the skin stand between you and the diagnosis.”“The hurtin’ stops when the pain goes away.”“When everything is going right, you’ve done something wrong.”“The three most over rated things in the world: Mayo Clinic, the US Postal Service, and the Seattle Fire Department.”Self-explanatorySaid often to internistsWhat to tell patients about pain.
49 Medical Jargon “Crimson Tide” = menstrual period “Dropping the roses” = menstrual period“Two Beers” = always the answer to, “How much did you have to drink?”“Some Dude” = always the answer to “Who stabbed you?”“He looks like a Baptist to me” = unconscious Jehovah’s Witness who needs an emergent transfusion
50 Medical Jargon“A hospital visitor in a three-piece suit carrying a brief case is a lawyer until proven otherwise.”“A patient’s ability to survive illness or major trauma is inversely proportional to his value to society.”“Why are we all here and what does this all mean?”“It’s better to have a positive VDRL than to never have loved at all.”If the patient is well enough to eat his grits, then he is well enough to go home.
52 Medical Jargon “Do not ridicule large people carrying weapons.” “Car Bite” = automobile accident“Crispy Critter” = burn patient“Crunch” = automobile accident“Pus Butt” = perirectal abscess“Triage tragedy” = what happens when a ruptured AAA is triaged to OB as a term pregnancy.
53 Medical Jargon “Tachylordia” = lordy, lordy, lordy “Tachylordia with a Junctional Jesus” = lordy, lordy, lordy, Jesus, lordy, lordy, lordy“Trols ‘R Us” = emergency department“Pit” = emergency departmentPhi Lacka Tacka = fraternity of ED trolls“Tar Baby Cases” = the more you try to get free, the more you get stuck.
54 Medical Jargon“Gomers are like yogurt, you can’t tell when they go bad”“The amount of screaming and hollering is inversely proportional to the severity of the injury.”“Gome” = diminutive of GOMER“Gome from a home” = nursing home patient.“Gome from a home in a come” = unconscious nursing home patient
55 Medical Jargon “GOMER Toter” = non-emergency ambulance Signs of a dead GOMER:more than 2 days worth of juice glasses still full at bedsideTemperature less than 90 degreesStool velocity = test ordered by interns when working up GOMERs with diarrhea“No mother is ever satisfied with the amount or quality of food her child eats.”
56 Medical Jargon“In the “pit” (ED), if you don’t know what is wrong, keep putting in tubes until someone who does arrives.”“Pone Belly” = acute surgical abdomen“Aye Sign” = found in Latin OB patients where “oh, oh, oh” changes to “aye, aye, aye” when cervical dilation is complete.Status hispanicus = aye, aye, aye
58 Medical Jargon “Shake and Bake” = MVC with trauma and burns “Death is not always the enemy”“Bug Juice” = antibiotics“Gorrilacillin” = potent antibiotics“Incision of the Blue Cross” = unnecessary surgical procedure“If I had a uterus in me, I’d want them to take it out.”
59 Medical Jargon“If she doesn’t have appendicitis, then she should take down the sign.”“If it takes more than 3 people to hold down a child for a spinal tap, he probably doesn’t need to have it done.”“When in doubt, order the drug on your pen.”“Idiopathic” = the doctor is an idiot, the patient is pathetic.
60 Medical Jargon“You don’t need to run a Chi Square test on common sense.”“Anything not worth doing, is worth not doing well.”“If two things can go wrong, the worst one will happen.”“If good intentions are combined with stupidity, it is impossible to out think them.”“Beware of the paramedic who is great at getting out of trouble.”
61 Medical Jargon“Ohms Law of Hospital Telephones” = the person who answers the phone can never help you.“Smoking the White Owl” = intubatedVagina = most powerful organ in the human body“You’re not the one who is sick, they are; and it’s not your fault.”“In aphasia, swear words go last.”
62 Medical Jargon: “20% of the patients have 80% of the diseases” “Hemophiliacs are accident-prone.”“Positive lipstick sign” = female patient’s condition improvement marked by sudden interest in appearance“Doc in a Box” = urgent care center“Air Conditioned” = multiple GSWs
63 Medical Jargon“Age/Weight Ratio” = when the age exceeds the weight, it’s going to get bad“Urban outdoorsman” = homeless person1 tattoo = 1 drunken party2 tattoos = 2 drunken parties3 tattoos = 1 sociopath
64 Medical Jargon Motorcycles / Motorcycle Riders: “ORTA” = orthopedic resident training apparatus“Murder cycle jockey”“Honda hero”“Dead head”“Kawasaki Kamikaze”“Crotch rockets”“Give your son a motorcycle for his last birthday.”“Any motorcycle rider in an accident without a helmet is an organ donor until proven otherwise.”
65 Medical Jargon Psychiatric Patients: “Walnut Storage Disease” = nutty patient“Serum Porcelain Level” = blood test for crocks“Spook” = a sick crock“Ring Sign” = When a patient has more rings on a hand than fingers (usually requires a serum porcelain level)Elevated serum succotashSkewed bean/pea ratio
66 Medical Jargon Psychiatric Patients: Terminal microdeckia = not playing with a full deck“Elevator doesn’t go to the top floor”“Toys in the attic.”Serum peanut butter level“That patient has only three neurons. One’s infected, one’s infarcted, and the other one is inhibitory.”“Granola Ward”: psych ward; fruits, nuts, & flakes
67 Medical Jargon Obesity: Chronic biscuit abuse Cornbread poisoning Land whaleDunlops DiseaseSea World consult“Scrub dorsal fin TID, routine blow hole care.”
68 Medical JargonHysterical Patient Scoring System (10 pts is diagnostic)Golden slippers 3 ptsCalls Dr. by first name 3 ptsSeductive behavior 4 ptsSatin pillow from home 2 ptsMultiple drug allergies (1 point per drug)La belle indifference 5 pts
69 Medical Jargon Sick patients: “He may not have bought the farm, but he made a big down payment.”“Don’t put anything on layaway.”“He’ll have to get better to die.”“Looks like death eating a cracker.”“O Sign” = obtunded, mouth open“Q Sign” = obtunded, mouth open, tongue sticking out“Dotted Q Sign” = obtunded, mouth open, tongue sticking out, fly on tongue
70 Medical Jargon Dying patients: “Hang the black crepe.” “He’s got buzzards sitting on his shoulder.”“Give them a bottle of whiskey and a short book to read.”“He is about to receive a celestial discharge.”“Subacute dead”“Swarming Sisters Sign” = seen at Catholic hospitals
71 Medical Jargon Dying patients: “Pillow Rounds Needed” Stat Pathology Consult“Circling the drain”“A-line to wall suction”“Got his skates on.”“His porch lights are getting dim.”
73 Abbreviations ADR = ain’t doing right ADS due to TMB = acute dying spells due to too many birthdaysAGA = acute gravity attackAGMI = ain’t gonna’ make itALS = advanced lizard slingingAQR = ain’t quite rightART = assuming room temperatureAVD = acute Vistaril deficiency
74 Abbreviations BLS = basic lifting service BOHICA = bend over, here it comes againBSS = bilateral Samsonite syndromeCC = cancel ChristmasCCFCP = “coo coo for Cocoa Puffs”CNS-QNS = central nervous system - quantity not sufficientCPR = can’t possibly recoverCTS = crazier than sh**
75 Abbreviations D&C = dusting and cleaning DFO = done fell out DIB = dead in bedDRT = dead right thereDVR = Darth Vader respirationsDWO = death warmed overDWO = driving while orientalEMD = early morning discovery (woke up dead)
76 Abbreviations FDGB = fall down, go boom FIBD = found in bed dead FLB = funny looking beatFLK = funny looking kidFLK-GLM = funny looking kid, great looking momFOF = found on floorFOIC = fell out in churchFTD = fixin’ to die (call the florist)FUAB = found under a bridge
77 Abbreviations FUAR = found under a rock FUBAR = fu**ed up beyond all recognitionGOA = gone on arrivalGPH = God damns per hourHGD X 3 = he’s gonna die, he’s gonna’ die, he’s gonna’ dieHMO = heave mom outHVLT = high-velocity lead therapy
78 Abbreviations LMC = low marble count LOL = little old lady LOL-NAD = little old lady, no apparent distressOLFDGB = old lady fall down, go boomOTD = out the doorPBAB = pine box at bedsidePGS = positive grits signPID = pus in dere.
79 Abbreviations PID = pus** in distress PPP = piss poor protoplasm QID = queen in distressSAS = sick as sh**SSDD = same sh**, different daySWAG = scientific wild-assed guessSWI-GOK = something’s wrong inside, God only knowsSWW = sick, wet and whiney
80 Abbreviations TBC = total body crunch TDS = terminal deceleration syndromeTID = transient in distressTMB = too many birthdaysTOBASH = take out back and shoot in headTOBASH-GHF = take out back and shoot in head-give heparin first
81 Abbreviations TPW = therapeutic pistol whipping TRO = time ran out TSS = toxic socks syndromeWADAO = weak and dizzy all overWNL = we never lookedWWI = walking while intoxicatedYOYO = you’re on you’re own
83 Medical Specialties Surgeons (AKA “blades”) If a surgeon was asked to name the three greatest surgeons, he would be hard pressed to name the other two.“Knife rhymes with life.”“A chance to cut is a chance to cure.”“Nothing heals like stainless steel.”“A surgeon is an internist who can operate.”
84 Medical Specialties Surgeons (AKA “blades”) “Internists can only shake the Christmas present, surgeons get to open it.”“Cold steel is the best deal.”
85 Medical Specialties Emergency Physicians “Are you an intern or a real doctor?”“Is you the doctor what’s waitin’ on me?”“We just lost the last patient. Who is next?”
86 Medical Specialties Internists (AKA “fleas”, “swamis”) “Herb doctors” “The primary function of the internist is to find cases for the surgeon.”“He may have died—but at least his electrolytes were in balance.”
87 Medical Specialties Orthopedists (AKA “Orthopods”) Orthopedic surgeon: twice as strong as an ox, half as smart.Orthopedic surgeon: smarter than a rock, dumber than a plantDouble blind study = 2 orthopedists looking at an ECGOrthopedists point = area near the xiphoid where placing a stethoscope will allow you to hear breath, heart, and bowel sounds.
88 Medical Specialties Orthopedists (AKA “orthopods”) Orthopedic Law of the Heart = The purpose of the heart is to pump Ancef to the bones.BBMF = standard orthopedic consent form, “bone broke, me fix”Orthopedic ooze = when the blood pulsates through the plaster after the tourniquet is removed.
89 Medical Specialties Radiologists (AKA “electrons” or “rads”) “Shadow merchants”“Throckmorton’s Sign” = On x-rays, the penis points to the pathology.”Positive Radiology Sign” = arrows and circles drawn on x-rays
90 Medical Specialties Obstetrician/Gynecologists Vaginicologists Spreader of old wives talesTuna boat captainsRule of the OB Clinic = love is blind; and it has no sense of smell2nd Rule of the OB Clinic = everybody loves somebody
91 Medical Specialties Pediatricians (AKA “pediapods”) Midget medicine “Give me a pediatrician with testicles, and I’ll kiss his feet.”
92 Medical Specialists Dermatologists “The monkeys that pick things off of the other monkeys.”“A doctor who tells you in Latin what you told him in English.”Axiom of Dermatology in the ED = if it is dry, wet it; if it is wet, dry it; if you don’t know, use steroids.
93 Medical Specialists Urologists (AKA “plumbers” or “prostatologists”) The worst shriek you have ever heard = there is a urologist in the ED“Priapism is better than no ‘ism’ at all”
94 Medical Specialists Proctologists (AKA Rear Admirals) Super duper pooper snoopers“Ride the silver rocket” = proctoscope exam.“Dance with the black stallion” = colonoscope examSnake pit = endoscopy suite
95 Medical Specialists Neurosurgeons (AKA brain bone cutters) “There are only two types of neurosurgical patients—those that live and those that die.The Dressing = the only difference between the preop and postop neurosurgical patient.Neuro ICU = vegetable garden