PushMe ………………………........PullYou We will ask you to...But also to... Let us do our workPartner with us Let students grow upStay involved with them Let us hold students accountable for their choices Trust that we’ll share with you appropriately, as we’re able to
At the end of the day …. We all want the same thing for your student: They consistently find themselves in environments where they can be successful They learn as much outside the classroom as they’re learning inside the classroom They learn to see “bumps in the road” as opportunities to learn and grow
This Morning... 1.“Car Talk” 2.The First-Year “W” 3.Helpful vs. Hovering 4.Parent Quiz 5.Sharing Our Stories
The Hope & Scope of the First Year Summer Orientation May 2015
Hope & Scope: The “W” Late August May 2015 Mid- March Early February Mid- October
“Helicopter,” Explained Told to Be Involved for 12+ Years Connected 24/7/365 Economic Investment How will SNC treat my child? Intervening Has Worked “My parents are my best friends” Boomers, Gen X, & Millenials Ozzy Says …
But Wait, There’s More … Lawnmower Bulldozer Blackhawk Blue Angel Stealth Stroller In-Denial Lion Over-Involved Wolf Mosquito “The Happiest Kid on Campus,” Cohen, 2010
Hovering? Helping? HOVERING? Minute-by-Minute Texts Decorating Every Inch of Residence Hall Room Angry Calls to Administrators Making Decisions for Them HELPFUL? Occasional Contact Conversation About Living in the Room Dialogue about Past Success; Coaching Making Decisions with Them
Are YOU a Helicopter Parent?* Answer: “I’M not... But I know someone ELSE who is... & it’s the ROOMMATE’S PARENTS!” * Adapted from “The Fine Art of Letting Go,” Newsweek, May 22, 2006
The Helicopter Quiz Will You Be a Helicopter Parent?
1. How often will you communicate with your student? A.Weekly, at a Designated Time B.Two or Three Times a Week C.At Least Daily D.Do Facebook Status Updates Every 90 Seconds Count?
2. How Many Professors Do You Plan to Contact on Your Student’s Behalf? A.None B.One or Two C.Three D.How Many Are There?
3. My Student Athlete Isn’t Getting Enough Playing Time. I Will... A.Pat my student on the back for hanging in there B.Tell my student to talk to the coach C.Notify ESPN D.Smear the coach on Twitter (#coachclueless!)
4. Your Student is Having Trouble Writing a Paper, so... A.You listen and sympathize B.You suggest a visit with the professor and/or Writing Center C.You read what’s been written so far and give constructive suggestions D.You download a copy of a similar paper for them to submit as their own
5. When Visiting, How Much Do You Plan to Help? A.“Meet me on the sidewalk!” Say “Yes” to the Mess! B.You take out the trash & fumigate with Febreeze C.Vacuum, laundry, windows, light painting D.Full maid services, mints on the pillow, turn-down service, a soft lullaby, and a good-night kiss
6. Your student hates their roommate. What do you do? A.Remind them of all the other times they’ve successfully solved problems before B.Encourage her/him talk to the RA or Hall Director for coaching C.Storm the Housing Office to find out what the Senior Director is going to do about this D.Call the roommate’s parents – those HELICOPTER PARENTS! – and tell them what’s what!
7. Your student violates a minor conduct policy. You... A.Discuss the notion of “choices and consequences” again B.Show up at your student’s room unannounced C.“Dear Editor, St. Norbert Times …” D.Call Anderson Cooper asap!
8. On move-in day, I will leave … A. One hour before the first scheduled student activity B. Right after I make sure my student gets a healthy dinner in Michels Commons C. October-ish? D. There’s a really cute little house for sale right next to the Library!
How’d You Do? All A’s: Parents’ Hall of Fame! Mostly A’s:Honor Roll Mostly B’s:You’re Doing Well Mostly C’s:May be time to re-think your college habits Mostly D’s:Helicopter Parents are People, Too! or Call Corday or Chris or re-read “the list:”
Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make Using the cell phone to provide wake up calls Asking for copies of syllabi to provide reminders about due dates. Expecting to hear from their child every day (and calling the college in a panic if they don’t.) The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow UpThe iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore
Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make Responding to a child’s complaint about a professor … by contacting the professor. Using their child’s e-mail to register their child for classes & other college business. Editing college papers and assignments by email. The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow UpThe iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore
Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make Becoming overly involved in the ups and downs of a child’s social/romantic life. Reading a child’s Facebook site constantly and asking personal questions. Getting involved in ordinary roommate conflicts by contacting the roommate, the roommate’s parents, resident adviser, etc. The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up
Part 2: Sharing Our Stories Chris Betcher Assistant Director for Regional Communities Alumni & Parent Relations
Part 3: Making Connections 1.What questions do you have? 2.What do you need from us?