“Your Child Has Gifts” Play to your child’s strengths; don’t focus on the weakness.
* Important Foundations “Putting an End to Arguing, Back Talk, and Begging”Putting an End to Arguing, Back Talk, and Begging What’s your One-Liner? I love you too much to argue. I know… What did I say? Thanks for sharing. I’ll love you wherever you live. I argue at 6am on Saturdays.
Go Brain Dead: The less words we say, the more effective we are. Calmly Deliver Your One-Liner: By remaining calm and repeating the same thing again and again, we starve them of argument fuel. When we are getting frustrated, or start to give lectures, we send a sad lesson to our children: arguing with parents is a good way to get their attention.
Professional Wanted: Candidates must possess these skills and excel at the following responsibilities:
“I’m not saying I’m good at everything I do… Why on Earth do we expect our children to be good at everything? I just don’t do the stuff I’m not good at.”
Now list your child’s gifts. Be careful to include things that are not traditionally viewed as academically relevant. “Hanging-out” with healthy peers, woodworking, fishing, art, sports, taking care of pets are all examples. Would your child agree? List your child’s challenges. Which list receives more attention from you?
* Don’t fall into the trap of using strengths as carrots. * Parents frequently attempt to use strengths as rewards for achievement in weakness areas. * When we fall into this trap, we take away what our children need the very most, and we up the odds of high risk behaviors. * If you’ve already made the mistake of taking something your child really needs to succeed, there is nothing wrong with admitting it.
Love and Logic Experiment: If your child has become resistant to homework and refuses to talk with you about school, experiment with changing course: This charges their batteries so that they have the energy to work on the things they don’t find so easy. “Sweetie, I forbid you from doing homework each afternoon…until you’ve charged yourself up by first doing something you’re really good at.”
Not the incorrect ones. With academically challenged, resistant or apathetic kids, it’s wise to spend nearly no time identifying and correcting what the child is doing wrong. Homework time should be spent celebrating what was done correctly…and encouraging kids to identify why they were successful.
* Learning at Affordable Prices The price a child pays today to learn about friendships, school, learning, commitment, decision making and responsibility is the cheapest it will ever be. Tomorrow’s is always higher. The challenge of parenting is to love kids enough to allow them to fail – to stand back, however painful it may be, and let learning opportunities build our children. * To Protect Them Is Not to Love Them
* I Am What I Think You Think I Am Many parents don’t give their children a chance to build a positive self-concept; instead they concentrate on their children’s weaknesses. The focus centers on what the child is doing poorly, or what he can’t do. The result is a constant eroding of their child’s self-concept. * The Three-Legged Table of Self-Concept Leg One: I Am Loved by the “Magical People” in my Life Leg Two: I Have the Skills I Need to Make It Leg Three: I Am Capable of Taking Control of My Life
If you are sitting with your spouse, please join separate tables. Each parent is responsible for their own experiment. Plan the strategy for your experiment. Is there a certain time or activity? Is there a specific gift you wish to acknowledge? Share with your table mates and swap strategies and ideas! Exchange contact information with your accountability partner. – No spouses, please!
Review Session 1 and 2 in your workbook. Check in with your accountability partner. Now Go Experiment!