2The Handshake Exercise The Win/Win ApproachThe Handshake ExerciseEach student will choose a partner roughly the same size as themselves.Both partners will lock hands in the form of a handshake.You score a point every time you get the other persons hand to your hip.The aim of this exercise is to win as many points as you can.You have 1 minute for this exercise.
3The Handshake Exercise The Win/Win ApproachThe Handshake ExerciseWho scored more than 30?Who scored less than 20?Who scored less than 10?How did you interpret “you” in the instructions? As an individual, a pair or a group?
4The Handshake Exercise The Win/Win ApproachThe Handshake ExerciseDid the idea of “winning” imply “losing” as well?Who discussed it with their partner? If you discussed it, what was discussed? Did anybody change strategy during the exercise and if so, why?
5The Handshake Exercise The Win/Win ApproachThe Handshake ExerciseWhen we are in conflict with someone else, do we frequently approach it thinking that one person will win and one will lose?Examples of this might be…”I told him”; “I put her in her place”; “I showed him who was boss”; “I didn’t let her get the better of me”; “I got my way”; “I always lose out in these sorts of problems”.A Win/Win approach is a co-operative effort thatl will maximize the benefits for everyone.A Win/Lose approach is based on competition and is far more likely to result in major differences in benefit to all involved.
6The Handshake Exercise The Win/Win ApproachThe Handshake ExerciseIn an exercise such as this, it is possible to interpret “win” in a variety of ways and behave accordingly.Problems arise when we transfer a concept of “wining over” to situations where “winning with” would be more beneficial.“Winning over” is about one person winning while the other loses.“Winning with” is about cooperating so that both people obtain what they want or need.
7The Handshake Exercise The Win/Win ApproachThe Handshake ExerciseA Win/Win approach is a co-operative effort that will maximize the benefits for everyone.A Win/Lose approach is based on competition and is far more likely to result in major differences in benefit to all involved.A Win/Win approach is a co-operative effort thatl will maximize the benefits for everyone.A Win/Lose approach is based on competition and is far more likely to result in major differences in benefit to all involved.
8The Win/Win ApproachNow we will discuss the concept of Fight and Flight Behaviors when dealing with conflict.
9The Win/Win Approach Some examples of Fight behaviors include: ScreamingPhysical ViolenceRefusing to listenManipulation
10The Win/Win ApproachSome of the main messages and intentions behind Fight behaviors are:I’m right / you’re wrongTo blame or punishTo threatenI’m OK / you’re not
11This is considered an Aggressive Behavior The Win/Win ApproachFight = I Win / You LoseThis is considered an Aggressive Behavior
12The Win/Win Approach Some examples of Flight behaviors include: SulkingCryingAvoidingPretending it hasn’t happenedGiving in
13The Win/Win ApproachSome of the main messages and intentions behind Flight behaviors are:I’m right / you’re wrongTo avoid conflictTo let the other person winI’m not OK / you are
14This is considered a Passive behavior. The Win/Win ApproachFlight = I lose / you winThis is considered a Passive behavior.
15The Win/Win ApproachIt is obvious that neither Fight or Flight are optimum tools for handling conflict as someone always loses.
16The Win/Win ApproachNow we introduce a slightly different set of behaviors that fall in between Fight and Flight. Lets call them Flow behaviors.
17The Win/Win Approach Some examples of Flow behaviors can include: Discussing the issueListening to othersTaking time outExplaining one’s own perspective and needs.Compromising
18The Win/Win ApproachSome of the main messages and intentions behind Flow behaviors are:There must be a way to solve this.To sort out the problem.To respect others.To make sure everyone is satisfied with the solutionI’m OK / you’re OK
19This is considered an Assertive behavior The Win/Win ApproachFlow = I Win / You WinThis is considered an Assertive behavior
20The Win/Win ApproachDuring Fight behavior, the intention, which may be unconscious, is to come down hard on the issue, with little concern for the person.
21The Win/Win ApproachDuring Flight behavior the intention, which may be unconscious, is to protect ourselves rather than deal with the problem. By not confronting, the immediate result is relatively soft on the person.
22The Win/Win ApproachDuring Flow behavior, the intention is to solve the problem while at the same time respecting everyone in the conflict.
23The Win/Win ApproachAlthough flow behaviors seem to have the best outcomes, we often resort to Fight or Flight behaviors. It is important to realize and remember what these behaviors are, so that we can use them to our advantage in dealing with conflict.
24The Win/Win Approach Here is a little story: There are two probationary mechanics in a break room and only one orange. Both of them want the orange. What could they do?
25The Win/Win ApproachThey decided to compromise, and cut the orange in half.One mechanic went to the juicer and started to squeeze himself a drink, which turned out too small to satisfy.The other mechanic, with some difficulty. Began to grate the rind on his half of the orange to flavor a cake for the upcoming proby dinner. He then threw out the pulp.
26The Win/Win ApproachBoth mechanics had only half of the orange, in effect, they could have had the whole orange.Had they talked out the problem, listened to each other and found out what each one wanted and/or needed, the solution would have been more practical for each.
27The Win/Win ApproachThe key to the Win / Win approach is to explore all of the needs before settling on a solution.
28The Win/Win Approach Compromise Compromise is sometimes considered the same as a Win/Win approach. Some of the reasons that we so often use it are:
29The Win/Win Approach Compromise It may seem to be the simplest, easiest and fairest thing to do.It means that when we can’t make a bigger pie, at least everyone is sharing what is available.It results in both parties having Some of their needs met.
30The Win/Win Approach Compromise It does have some disadvantages, such as:It often requires one party to give more, and than they will be less committed to the solution.It may mean that the potential of all options hasn’t been explored.It has been described as an acceptable form of Lose/Lose.
31The Win/Win Approach Compromise Although compromise has disadvantages, it is sometimes a valuable approach. However, if we settle to quickly for compromise, we can sell ourselves short.It may even be that we decide on a poorer quality solution than we would have if we had adopted a Win/Win approach.
32The Win/Win Approach In conclusion Different types of behavior are appropriate in different situations. Mostly we will be very practiced in using two or three behaviors and may feel less comfortable with the others.
33The Win/Win ApproachThe more flexible we can become, the more choices we have about how we relate to others and the more opportunities we have to resolve conflict.
34The Win/Win ApproachFor the Win/Win approach to become our first choice, we need to develop new skills. We need to learn to step back from solutions, to consider the need or concern driving each person to particular outcomes.
35The Win/Win ApproachA Win/Win approach is not the same as a Win/Win outcome. It is the approach that is the key. Ask yourself the following:
36The Win/Win Approach How has the solution been generated? Have all the needs been considered, all options explored and the solution been chosen that meets more major needs than any other?Have the relevant parties participated in the process?
37The Win/Win ApproachIf you have made the effort to explore all possible options and have secured an outcome that meets the majority of needs for all of the parties involved, you have successfully implemented the Win/Win approach.
38CreditWe wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of materials used in the creation of this presentation.Conflict Resolution Network PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057 Phone: +61 (0) Fax: +61 (0) Website:
39CreditThis course was created by AMFA Local 11 to assist in the education of its Professional Standards Committee members.Permission to use this material is granted to any AMFA Local.This course was created using materials provided by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission has been extended to use this material providing credit remains intact on all modules.