1. Habit 5 Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Standard: Learn and apply effective communication skills to improve relationships at home, school, and in the workplace.

2. I need a volunteer to tell us a story about their weekend.
I need 8 additional volunteers to listen to the story.

3. Interrupt
Blank Stare
Texting
Distracted
Respond with something that is all about YOU
Active listening, eye contact, positive/ appropriate responses
Bored
NO eye contact

4. Active/ Genuine Listening
How do you know when someone is actively and genuinely listening? How do you know when they aren’t listening? Fill out the T chart.
Active/ Genuine Listening
Poor listening

5. Partner A: “seashells”
“She Sells Sea Shells”
You must recite the poem to your partner…
However, each of you must alternate each word
Example:
Partner A: “She”
Partner B: “sells”
Partner A: “seashells”
Partner B: “by”
Partner A: “the”
Partner B: “seashore”

6. “She Sells Sea Shells”
She sells seashells by the seashore. The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure. For if she sells seashells by the seashore Then I’m sure she sells seashore shells.

7. “She Sells Sea Shells” activity
• Did you find this activity difficult? Why?
• What skill was needed to successfully complete the poem with your partner?

8. Habit 5
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood is about listening first and talking second.
It’s about seeing things from another person’s point of view.
Habit 5 is the key to communication and having power and influence with people.

9. How We Communicate
See why it’s important to listen to words, feelings and body language!?

10. Five Poor Listening Styles
#1 Spacing Out
Someone is talking to you, but you ignore him or her because your mind is elsewhere.
Ex: In your head, you’re thinking about what to wear on your upcoming date while you’re friend is telling you about her weekend .

11. Five Poor Listening Styles
#2 Pretend Listening
You’re not paying attention to the person talking, but you pretend you are.
Ex: When you think the person wants a response, you say, “Uh-huh, cool, yeah, hmmmm.”

12. Five Poor Listening Styles
#3 Selective Listening
You pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests you or relates to you. You key in on specific words and then go off on your own conversation rather than listening to what the other person is trying to tell you.
Ex: Your friend tells you about his brother in the army and you hear the word “army” and say, “Oh yeah, the army! I’ve been thinking about it lately.”

13. Five Poor Listening Styles
#4 Word Listening
You pay attention to the words, but you miss the point because you’re ignoring the tone, feelings and body language. When you focus on words only, you miss the true meaning behind the words.
Example: Friend: “What do you think of Dave?”
You: “Dave is cool.”
But you’re friend really meant was “Do you think Dave likes me?”

14. Five Poor Listening Styles
#5 Self-Centered Listening
You apply everything you hear to your own point of view. You haven’t listened long enough to show you care.
Ex: “If you think you had a bad day, wait until I tell you about mine!”

15. Listening Activity
Stand back to back with your partner. You have 30 seconds to tell your partner as many things about your favorite movie as you can.
You both will talk at the same time without looking at each other.
Discussion Question
• Was it easy to understand what your partner was saying? Why or why not?

16. Steps to Genuine Listening
First, Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears.
. To hear what people are really saying, you need to hear what they aren’t saying as well.
I need a volunteer to read the poem,
“Please…Hear What I’m Not Saying” pg

17. Steps to Genuine Listening
Second, Stand in their shoes
See it from their perspective or point of view
What do you think this quote means?
“Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins
you can’t imagine the smell.”

18. Steps to Genuine Listening
Third, Practice mirroring
Repeat back in your own words what the other person is saying and feeling.
*No judging or giving advice
Mirroring is:
Repeating the meaning
Using your own words
Be Warm & caring
It is NOT Mimicking
Repeating words
Using the same words
Cold & indifferent

19. Video Clip #2: From the movie "Dumb & Dumber"
Video clip #3: Family Guy
Video clip #4: How to mirror from the tv show "Modern Family“
Video Clip #5: Mirroring

20. “I don’t like our new school at all“
Mirroring
“I don’t like our new school at all“
Possible mirroring responses:
“You feel that school’s kind of tough right now.”
“You feel confused.”
“I can see you’re frustrated.”

21. Mirroring
With your partner, practice mirroring with the following phrases:
1. “This is the worst paper I’ve ever written!”
2. “You absolutely cannot stay out past midnight.”
3. “I don’t know the new girl very well.”
4. “My parents are really driving me crazy lately.”
5. “I don’t feel like going to practice.”
“You’re feeling…”
“What I’m hearing is …”
“You seem…”
“You must have felt…”
“You sound…”
“So what you’re saying is…”

22. Mirroring Phrases
“You’re feeling…” “What I’m hearing is …” “You seem…” “You must have felt…” “You sound…” “So what you’re saying is…”

23. “This is the worst paper I’ve ever written!”
You’re having a hard time with your paper.
2. “You absolutely cannot stay out past midnight.”
So what you’re saying Dad is that you’re upset.
3. “I don’t know what I should do about my new boss.”
It sounds like you are confused.
4. “My parents are really driving me crazy lately.”
You must feel pretty frustrated with them.
5. “I don’t feel like going to practice.”
You sound tired and stressed out.

24. Identify Genuine or Poor Listening
Read the four scenarios and answer this question for each. Was this an example of genuine listening or poor listening? Why? If poor listening was demonstrated, how could the scenario be changed to show genuine listening?

25. Communicating With Parents
Take a minute and think about some of the things you do well in this area, then write those ideas on your worksheet.
When you finish that, take a minute to list some of your challenges as well.
Up Next…Parent/teen role-play

26. THEN SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD
“I’m not going to tell my Mom how I feel. She won’t listen and she’d never understand.”
Falling into this lose-win trap is easy, especially with your parents.
You have to have the courage to tell people how you feel.
Your Task:
Look back at your journal response. What are two or three things you wished your parents understood about you?
Come up with three possible ways to give them feedback so it isn’t frightening for you and isn’t threatening to your parents.

27. EXIT TICKET Clip #6 Inception-Active Listening
How does this saying connect to Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood?
“You have two ears and one mouth
-use them accordingly.”