1. Centre for Professional Development
Assertiveness
Kathryn McFarlane

2. Objectives
You will:
Identify different types of behaviour (assertive, aggressive and passive).
Identify your current predominant behaviour
Explore strategies to develop a more assertive approach

3. Activity Watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaVdyOX3isY
What may have led to this situation?
How may it have been handled differently?
How could it be prevented?
First one – for a laugh
Last one – from 3.02

4. What is Assertiveness? What it is not…..
Getting your own way at the expense of others
Manipulating
Interrupting
Putting others down
Intimidating
All examples of???
Indecisive, rambling
Irrational
Apologetic
Always accommodating
All examples of???

5. What is Assertiveness? Based on rights……. YOUR rights
To consider your own needs
To ask (not demand)
To refuse
To not understand
To make a mistake
To change your mind
To choose not to assert yourself
To be your own self

6. Assertiveness is.....
… balancing personal responsibility and self-respect for others, and giving consideration to their rights and needs. It requires good communication, professionalism, confidence, self-awareness and self-management.

7. Passive – benefits and pitfalls
Rewards/Benefits
Short-term
Feel kind & helpful
Escaped guilt
Reduced anxiety
Avoided conflict
Losses/Pitfalls
Following initial relief
Feel sorry
Needs have not been met
Regret not standing up
Angry, frustrated
Loss of confidence
Stress, unhappiness

8. Aggressive – benefits and pitfalls
Rewards/Benefits
Short-term
Results from others’ avoidance of conflict
Power makes you feel good
Losses/Pitfalls
Long-term
Generate conflict
Break down good will
Damage relationships
People may stay away from you
Feel isolated, ashamed, guilty
Damage prospects

9. Assertive – rewards Feel good about yourself and raise confidence
Others will know how they can treat you
No more ‘I wish I’d said…’
Convey clear messages
Reach compromise
More chance of your needs being met
Lessen aggressive behaviour (prevents build up of bad feeling)
Assertion breeds assertion

10. Assertiveness and.... Employability? Making the most of student life?
Impact on your studies?

11. Personal Awareness
Write down which type of behaviour you think you display most often.
Complete the Assertiveness Survey
Reflect on the type of behaviour the questions indicate that you display most often.
Does the behaviour match your initial idea of the behaviour you demonstrate most often?
Why are there discrepancies?
Is your predominant behaviour most desirable for you?
I would imagine that there are some aspects that you may be unhappy with either the overall style or the point score in one or more areas. We will look at how to deal with this.

12. Assertive strategies Broken record Saying “No” Empathy
Workable compromise
Active listening
Fogging
Negative assertion
Negative enquiry

13. Assertive statements Respect for self and other person / people
Simple statement
Not blaming – not “you made me feel…” but “I feel XXX when…”
Invites the person to connect with you to resolve the issue
Fact–based – not absolutes (“you always….”)
1. The statement should convey respect for yourself as well as respect for the person to whom you are speaking.
2.The statement should be simple: Example: "I want this to happen...." or "I don't want to do " If you add too many details, you lose impact.
3. The statement should not be blaming. Example: "You made me feel XXX," is not an effective assertive statement because it blames the other person. "When XXXX behavior happened, I felt upset," is effectively assertive because it describes problematic behavior paired with your own personal feelings and therefore does not point fingers.
4. An effective assertive statement invites the other person to connect with you to work on the issue. An assertive statement is not designed to push the other person away.
5. An effective assertive statement is fact-based. This by definition usually precludes the use of absolutes in an assertive statement such as "You always...." or "You never....“ Example: "You always leave your coffee cup on the desk for me to pick up," is both blaming and absolute. A fact-based statement is: "When you leave your coffee cup on the desk, I feel angry.“

14. Action Note one action point (or more) and make it happen!
Friends, manager, subordinates, colleagues
Most / least difficult
Discuss outcomes of flip charts