1. Skills for Civil Discourse An FYE Conversation Facilitated by Pat Ashton Department of Sociology Peace and Conflict Studies September 18, 2006

2. The Problem: Absence of Tolerance

5. The Solution: Civil Discourse Skills for Civil Discourse  Critical thinking  Communication/Dialogue  Active listening skills Attending Responding  Centered communication “I” messages

6. What does it mean to listen?

7. The art of active listening: Paraphrasing How to paraphrase: 1. Focus on the speaker. (“You….”) 2. Restate and reflect. (facts and emotions) 3. Be brief (3 – 12 words)

8. Listening exercise Identify a partner. Decide who goes first. Talk about something you enjoy doing. Partner uses active listening and paraphrasing. Switch roles.

9. Centered communication “I messages” are used to provide important information to another person about: my emotions. my needs. the impact of their actions on me. my views and preferences. my intentions/purposes/goals.

10. Centered communication Centered speaking is most effective when it: is rooted in the here-and-now avoids blaming or accusing the other. talks about specific events and behaviors. is honest. commands, not demands, respect for my feelings. takes responsibility for my own feelings. recognizes that I can only change me, not you.

11. Centered communication Techniques of centered communication: Preference stating “I would prefer….” “I’d rather….” Purpose stating “My purpose is to….” “What I’m trying to do is….” Posture of puzzlement “I’m puzzled by what you mean.” “I’m confused about why you would say that.”

12. MirfZug A dialogue exercise: a love story Nix Ruz

13. MirfZug Beliefs and norms: a love story Nix Ruz Who is the most despicable – i.e., the most morally reprehensible, and why?

14. The dialogue 1. Find someone who disagrees with you. 2. Discuss your disagreement using Paraphrasing “I” messages

15. Wrapup How did it feel to do this? Can you use these skills in other discussions and debates?