1. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESSES FOR AN ENDURING, HEALTHY MARRIAGE

2. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS #1: PERSONAL COMMITMENT TO THE MARRIAGE COVENANT “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” declares that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God” and that “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other”. Marriage is a purposeful, not merely a social custom. Successful covenant marriages are founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ and tied to our discipleship.

3. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS #1: SOME IDEAS TO NURTURE COVENANT COMITTMENT IN MARRIAGE Intentional personal dedication. Couples must intentionally dedicated to nuture their relationship. Exclusive cleaving and unity. President Kimball explains: “The words none eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thin shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.” (Kimball, 1998, p. 66). Practice spiritual patterns. Prayer and active religious involvement bring significant benefits into the marriages.

4. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS #2: LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP The proclamation mentions the responsibility to love and care before any other marital obligation or virtue. (Duncan& McCarthy, 2012). C.S. Lewis (1952) taught on love: “Love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately stregthened by habit... They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other... It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosión that started it”.

5. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS #2: SOME IDEAS TO NURTURE LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP Get in sync with your partner’s love preferences. Find out how your partner likes to receive love and then do those things often. Talk as friends. Talking about many things is important, but talking as friends brings the couple closer. Respond to bids for connection. A bid can be a question, a gesture, a touch, any expression which says, “I want to feel connected to you”. (Gottman & DeClaire, 2001). Set goals for couple interaction. The following are some suggestions:

6. SOME IDEAS TO NURTURE LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP (CONT.) Set goals for couple interaction. 1. Respond to bids for attention, affection, humor, or support. 2. Make an effort to do everyday activities together. 3. Have a stress-reducing conversation at the end of the day to see how things went. 4. Do something special everyday to communicate affection and appreciation. 5. Keep track of how well yu are connecting emotionally with each other, and make enhancements wen neessary.

7. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS #3: POSITIVE INTERACTION To enhance positive interaction in marriage, focus on your spouse’s positive qualities. Couples can focus on positive qualities by making lists of the things they admire and appreciate about each other. These things can be traits, talents, or something you especially like about him or her. (Gottman and Silver,1999).

8. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS #4: ACCEPTING INFLUENCE FROM ONE’S SPOUSE In marriage, the process of sharing the decision-making power with one’s spouse is referred to in some literature as accepting influence. Accepting influence means to counsel and listen respectfully considering his or her opinions as valid. Understanding, compromising, and unity are goals happily married couples constantly work toward. Share influence in all family affairs.

9. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS # 5: RESPECTFULLY HANDLE DIFFERENCES AND SOLVE PROBLEMS Disagreements are part of all types of marriages, including the best. It is how they are handled that leads to marital success or failure. Money and children are issues most couples have disagreements on.

10. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS # 5: CONT. Prevention. Eliminate destructive interation patterns. Calm yourself first. Bring up the concern softly, gently, and privately. Learn to make and receive repair attempts. Soothe yourself and each other. Reach a consensus about a solution.

11. FOUNDATIONAL PROCESS #6: CONTINUING COURTHIP THROUGH THE YEARS President Kimball (2002) taught: “Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gray”. Continued courthip is the key to keep a marriage alive.

12. CONTINUED COURTSHIP Attend to the little things. Constant appreciation for each other and a thoghtful demonstration of gratitude. (Faust, 2007). Be intentional about doing things everyday to enrich the marriage. Spend at least five hours a week stregthening your relationship.

13. CONCLUSION Putting in practice the various foundational processes we talked about, make it possible to reach the kind of marriage President Kimball (2002) described as “more an exultant ecstacy than the human mind can conceive”.

14. If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don´t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way. Elder F. Burton Howard

15. REFERENCES Duncan, S.F. & McCarthy, S.S. (2012). Foundational processes for an enduring, healthy marriage. Successful marriages and families. Brigham Young University. Faust, J.E. (2007, April). Enriching your marriage,. Ensign, 37, 4-8. Gottman, J.M. & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship care: A five-step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. New York: Three Rivers Press. Gottman, J.M. & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers. Howard, F.B. (2003, May). Eternal marriage. Ensign, 33, 92-94. Kimball, S.W., (1972). Faith precedes the miracle. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book. Lewis, C.S. (1952) Mere Christianity. New York: Macmillan