1. Gr 12 Health Relationships

2. Note: Sexual Intimacy
A state of closeness and familiarity between two people characterized by the desire and ability to share one’s feelings with each other either verbally or non-verbally.

3. Note: Sexuality
Human sexuality is the total expression of an individual’s femaleness or maleness through that person’s feelings, beliefs, attitudes, values and behaviours. It is a complex expression of the whole person. Sexuality reinforces and affirms the individual as a human being and allows the role of female and male to develop. One’s sexuality is the integration of a multitude of personal characteristics and factors.

4. Relationships
You are at the point right now in your lives where for the first time you may be entering into very intimate relationships with other people. The experiences you may be going through are quite different from the ones you had when you were younger. These relationships can be very exciting and exhilarating and at the same time can be stressful, emotionally trying and confusing.

5. For the first time you are less concerned about yourself and your needs and now are having to think about the needs and concerns of another person

6. Having relationships is an important part of the growth process
Having relationships is an important part of the growth process. It develops us from an emotional and psychological point of view and contributes to our maturing as a person. The interaction and give and take that occurs in a relationship as a young person will have a great impact on how you relate to other people when you are older. The successes and failures you have now in relationships will to a large extent prepare you for other relationships in the future.

7. One early lesson commonly learned in first relationships is what the difference is between love and infatuation. As young people with raging hormones we can sometimes get these terms confused.

8. Note: Relationships Friendship
Is a significant relationship between two people based on caring, consideration and trust.

9. Note: Levels of Friendship
Casual Friends
Are peers with whom you feel socially connected. You may talk with these people at school but their friendship doesn’t fill some of the deeper needs humans have.

10. 2. Close Friends
Are people you are more likely to share your inner feelings and thoughts with, You may trust these people with your secrets and will seek their advice and help when you are hurting, troubled or confused. Because you are dealing with such difficult issues and because close friends tend to be more honest with you it takes work and understanding for these friendships to stay healthy and grow.

11. 3. Platonic Friendships
Is a relationship with a member of the opposite gender in which there is affection, but no sexual activity. These types of relationships can be very useful in helping us understand people of the opposite sex as we can get advice from them from their perspective.

12. 4. Going steady Is a decision on the part of two people to take a close friendship to the next level. Going steady implies a greater amount of commitment by the partners and can also entail more involved sexual activity. Doing this at too early an age can impair the social development that comes with dating.

13. Relationship Assignment
See handout

14. Brainstorm with a partner what you think the top 10 characteristics of a good relationship and a bad relationship should be.

15. The 10 Characteristics of Good Relationship
Trust – partners are able to confide in each other openly, knowing their confidences will be respected.
Togetherness – in a healthy relationship, two people create a sense of both intimacy and autonomy. They each enjoy each other’s company but also pursue solitary interests.
Expressiveness –partners in healthy relationships say what they feel, need and desire

16. Staying Power – couples in committed relationships keep their bond strong through tough times by proving that they will be there for each other.
Security – Because a good relationship is strong enough to absorb conflict and anger, partners know that can express their feelings honestly.
Laughter- humour keeps things in perspective.

17. Support – partners in good relationships continually offer each other encouragement, comfort and acceptance
Physical Affection – sexual desire may fluctuate or diminish over the years, but partners in loving, long term relationships usually retain some physical connection.
Personal Growth – in the best relationships, partners are committed to bringing out the best in each other and have the other’s best interest at heart.

18. Respect – caring partners are aware of each others boundaries, need for personal space and vulnerabilities. They do not take each other for their relationship for granted.

19. Eight Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship
Extreme jealousy or insecurity
Constant put-downs
Possessiveness or acting like they own you
Telling you what to do
Explosive anger
Making false accusations
Isolating you from your friends and family
Preventing you from doing the things you want to do.

20. Types of Abuse
Domestic abuse is a pattern of abusive behaviour in a dating or domestic relationship. This abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal/emotional or a combination of these.
Physical Abuse
Is the intentional unwanted contact with the victim’s body by either the abuser or an object within the abuser’s control.
Eg) scratching, punching, kicking, burning,etc.

21. Sexual Abuse
Is any sexual behaviour which is unwanted and which interferes with the victims right to say “no” to sexual advances. Examples) date rape, unwanted touching, forcing person to do things they are not comfortable doing, etc.

22. Verbal/Emotional Abuse
Is anything that the abuser says or does to the victim that causes the victim to be afraid, negatively affects the victim’s self esteem ,or manipulates or controls the victim’s emotions or behavior. Examples) name calling, putdowns, yelling, threats, isolating the person, telling them what to do, stalking, etc.

23. How to Avoid Abuse
Recognize – Learn to recognize abusive behaviour in its many forms
Resist – Should someone use or try to use offensive touching, suggestive talk , or other inappropriate behaviour, resist in any way your can. Be assertive.
Report – Get away and tell someone about the incident as soon as you can.

24. Relationships Issues Case Study
What types of abuse occur in the story? Give an example of each from the story.
Were there any warning signs Becky should have paid attention to?
Why might Becky have stayed with Tom after she was slapped?
What would you have done in Becky’s situation?
What are some of the different options that could have been taken to handle a situation such as this?

25. Riddle
A father and his son are involved in a horrific traffic accident. The father is killed but the boy survives. In the operating room the surgeon about to work on the boy exclaims. “I can’t operate on this patient he’s my son!” What is the situation?

26. Answer –The surgeon is the boy’s mother!

27. Note: Gender Role Stereotypes
Generalizations about how males and females should express themselves and the characteristics each possess. Men are thought to be independent, aggressive, better in math and science, logical and always in control of their emotions. Women on the other hand are traditionally expected to be passive, nurturing, intuitive, sensitive and emotional

28. Male/Female Differences
Traditionally in our society we have tended to force or impose our expectations on males and females in terms of their behaviour and actions.
BOYS
GIRLS
EG) blue
pink

29. Sexual Stereotyping
Narrowly defines roles for males and females in our society. Assigns particular traits or characteristics to a person based solely on their sex.
There are many real and apparent differences between males and females (physical, psychological). The problem exists when we take these differences and use them to control or demean one group.
Right to vote
Hiring equity
Pay equity
Because we live in a male dominated society women have had to work hard to overcome obstacles to achieve their goals.

31. Who we are as men and women
Physical Differences
Hormonal
Females – estrogen
- emotional fluctuations, PMS
Males – testosterone
- larger muscle mass, sex drive, aggressiveness

32. 2. Psychological There is a theory that there may be differences based on different parts of the brain. Females – left side –logic and language - express feelings better, argue more expressively Males – right side – shapes and spaces - building projects, spatial concepts in athletics, math related areas

33. 3. Cultural Expectations and acceptable behaviour taught to us.
Parents – boys play with trucks, wrestle, no crying, learn to supress emotions.
- girls play with dolls, taught nourishment roles, non aggressive play.
Teachers – unconscious bias
Friends – encourage our differences

34. Factors that influence gender roles and sexuality
Gender Roles & Sexuality
Religion
Society
Education
Media
Family
Peers
Culture

35. Sexuality and Gender Role Personal Analysis
Use this worksheet to reflect on how your sexuality has been affected by various factors.

36. Sexuality. can be utilized to exert. dominance or power
Sexuality can be utilized to exert dominance or power over another individual

37. When sexuality is used in advertising, certain values and attitudes towards sex are being 'sold' to consumers along with the products. The overriding question that must be asked when deconstructing any advertisement, is "what underlying message is being sold by this ad?"

38. Sex in Advertising: Comparison Ads
Compare how males and females are depicted in advertising campaigns which use separate ads focusing on men and women. For example, both the Vuitton and Milk campaigns use a man and a woman to sell the same product, but note how the images of women are more sexualized than those of the men!

40. Deconstruct four advertisements from ads you have found:
You are to analyze the ads you have chosen
The written responses to the questions on the Task Sheet will also be submitted with your ads.

41. Note: Communication Skills
Speaking Skills
When speaking, it is important to make statements that are clear and precise. One should also recognize that inflections or changes in pitch or loudness of your voice can also play a large role in how you communicate.

42. Note: cont’d Listening Skills
Listening is an important skill as it allows the partner to understand what is being communicated.
Body Language Skills
It is important for non-verbal communicating to be consistent with what one is saying to ensure the message intended is communicated to the partner.
Refusal Skills
When one wants to say no, refusal skills provide an effective and direct way for the message to be communicated.

43. Communication Dos Listen Look the person in the eyes Ask questions
Hear a person out
Resist distractions
Be open minded
Assume responsibility for a two-way dialogue

44. Communication Don’ts Interrupt Raise your voice or yell
Call names or label
Blame
Force or threaten
Laugh at people
Assume you understand
Make snap judgements
Say “always” or “never”
Offer advice when it’s not asked for

45. Comparison of assertive, aggressive and non-aggressive communication
NON-ASSERTIVE
Strong & steady voice
Loud & explosive voice
Soft, uncertain voice
Good eye contact
Intimidating looks
Downcast eyes
Strong body language
Intimidating body language
Shifting weight back & forth
Aware of other feelings
Insensitive
Doesn’t feel comfortable talking about how he/she feels
Confident
Demanding
Nervous
In control
Cannot control temper
Uncertain
This is what I think
This is what I want
My thoughts aren’t impt
“I” statements
“You’d better” If you don’t then look out
“ I guess, maybe”

46. Effective Communication
“I” messages can be an effective way if communicating. They allow you to express your feelings without provoking resistance or retaliation. You allow the other person the freedom to respond.
When you use an effective “I” statement, you are describing the EFFECT of a situation or behaviour on you. You are not making a verbal attack on the other person.

47. 2. An effective “I” statement tells the other person that you trust him/her to handle the situation constructively. By allowing the other person to assume responsibility for his/her own behaviour you enable him/her to change. 3. An honest expression of your own feelings will tend to open up communication. Interpersonal relationships and even intimacy can improve.

48. How to compose an effective “I” statement
Describe the behaviour or situation that is disturbing you. (non judgementally) eg. “When you….(don’t call to say you will be late)”
State your feelings about the effect the behaviour produces for you. Eg) “I feel….(worried, angry, ignored)
State the consequences . Eg) “because…(the dinner is ruined)”

49. Aspects of sending effective “I” statements
Ensure that you are not giving a disguised “you” statement. Eg) “I feel that YOU are inconsiderate”
Do not be afraid to send a strong “I” statement. Use strong words to convey strong emotions…eg. “ I was petrified when you drove through the red light because I felt we would hit someone” rater that “I don’t like it when…”

50. “I” Statements
Create an effective I statement that will communicate hoe you feel and open up communication to solve the following conflicts:
Your boyfriend wants to go to the movies but you want to stay home.
Your parent’s don’t want you going out during the week.
You have a friend that always has to have their way.
You have a boyfriend that want to spend too much/too little time with you.
You have a friend that always gets drunk and acts like an idiot but doesn’t remember the next day. You keep having to help them out of nasty situations .
You have a teacher that you think is treating you unfairly.

51. What is conflict?
A struggle or disagreement about ideas, values, facts , opinions, etc. Conflict occurs when individuals or groups are unable to resolve a disagreement or internal struggle. Conflict is expressed through behaviours ranging from mental anguish to physical violence. OR
Conflict is an emotional state that arises when the behaviour of one person interferes with the behvaiour of another.

52. Positive aspects of conflict
No violence
Communication improves
People listen and respect each other
Better ideas are produced to solve the problem
Co-operation exits
Fairness is achieved

53. Negative aspects of conflict
Threats and blame continues
Feelings are hurt
Relationships are damaged
Tempers get out of control
People take sides
Violence may result
Health problems arise

54. Remember the four communication styles?
Aggressive
Assertive
Passive (non-aggressive)
Manipulative
These styles also relate to the four styles of conflict resolution.

55. Conflict Resolution Approaches
Confrontation
Eg) I win – You lose
2. Compromise
Eg) I win and lose a bit – you win and lose a bit
3. Avoidance
Eg) I lose- you win
4) Manipulation
Eg) I might win – you lose
Complete bottom of handout

56. Compromise Style = Assertive
Feelings? Frustrated because you don’t get everything you want, satisfied about what you did get, happy for and still get along with other party
Advantages?
Get almost everything, problem is solved, good feelings, no grudge
Disadvantage?
Takes a lot of time and effort

57. Confrontation Style = Aggressive Feelings?
Insensitive to other party, hurt feelings, power
Advantages?
Quick to resolve, you are happy
Disadvantage?
Violence possible, 2 parties not on good terms

58. Avoidance Style = Non assertive/passive Feelings?
Your thoughts aren’t impt, other party feels power,
Advantages?
Quick to resolve, no violence
Disadvantage?
Possibly not best outcome, you get nothing

59. Manipulative Style = Manipulation Feelings?
Hurt feelings if other party finds out
Advantages? 1 party gets what they want, feel more intelligent for outwitting
Disadvantage?
Can take longer to resolve, outcome not universal, possible violence