1. Managing Children’s Anxieties: A New Opportunity for Parents as Coaches
The F.O.R.C.E.
Society for Kids Mental Health Care

2. Think of what you’ve felt like when you’ve had a positive experience …
STOP
Think of what you’ve felt like when you’ve had a positive experience …

3. What kind of experience do you want your child to have?ll

4. Truth versus Belief
Approx. 9,000 children and youth in BC have an anxiety disorder. Truth
Poor parenting is the cause of the disorders. Belief
Parents of children ill with a mental disorder are treated with less respect. Truth
Parents can help prevent kid’s worries from developing into anxiety disorders. Truth
Almost 1 in 10 babies in a hospital nursery will exhibit signs of stress or anxiety. Truth

5. The F.O.R.C.E. History
Who We Are… We are parents whose children’s lives are touched by mental disorders When We Learned We Weren’t Alone… January 2000…and every day since   Why We Formed a Society… To ensure mental health care and services are provided to children and youth and to assist their families in finding information and support

6. Anxiety is Normal….Everyone has it
Approach & avoidance behaviours
Safety signals
Normal emotional response essential for survival
Threat cues
Individual differences in the experience of anxiety

7. What is your secret /not so secret fear?
Group Exercise
What is your secret /not so secret fear?
Rate it on a fear thermometer of 1-5
What are your body clues when you are feeling anxious?
Form circle and exchange papers

8. Now, imagine…
You had learned skills to cope with your fears or worries at age 9!!!
Your children can have that chance
You can learn how to coach your kids in these skills

9. F eelings
R emember to Relax
I can do it! I can try my best!
E xplore Solutions and Coping Step Plans
N ow reward yourself! You’ve done your best!
D on’t forget to practice!
S mile! Stay calm for life!

10. Why “FRIENDS”……
FRIENDS is an acronym for the skills and strategies taught in the program
Our body is our friend
Be a good friend to ourselves
Make new friends
Talk to our friends

11. Program Approach All feelings are normal
What we DO with our feelings is what counts the most

12. FRIENDS in the classroom
Offered to all school districts in BC
Based on prescribed learning outcomes for grades 4 & 5 in personal planning
First time ever offered in the classroom, versus individual or groups outside of class setting
Parent component being offered for first time this year

13. I = I can do it! I can try my best!
Thoughts - feelings - behaviours
Self talk
Helpful, powerful, positive, optimistic green thoughts
Unhelpful, negative, pessimistic
red thoughts
Attention training exercises
think like a winner !!

14. I’ll give it my best shot! Second place is a great effort!
I = I can do it! I can try my best!
I’ll give it my best shot!
I can do it!
Second place is a great effort!
I will get better!
The link between thoughts and feelings
Unhelpful Red Thoughts =
Sad, worried, angry feelings
Helpful Green Thoughts
Happy, confident feelings

15. FLEXIBILITY in THINKING
Feelings
Difficult
Situation
Unhelpful
thoughts
Reactive
Behaviours
Problem Solving
Generate many solutions as a family/school group
Helpful
thoughts
Feelings
Proactive
Behaviours

16. Changing Unhelpful Red Thoughts page 30
Feelings:
fear
sadness
Helplessness
lonely
Behaviours
crying
seeking reassurance
withdrawing
annoying others
giving up
Thoughts:
no-one likes me
I’m going to be alone
Everyone thinks I am a geek
I’ll have no fun
Difficult
Situation:
Finding
someone
to play with
find someone before play time begins
Older buddy / mentor
bring toy / game to share
teacher intervene
find ways to initiate play with others
Keep chart monitor success
Problem Solving
Generate many solutions as a family/school group
Behaviours
smiling
approaching others
courage
assertive
taking risks
having fun
relief
increased confidence
empowerment
happy
Feeling OK
I can be a good friend
Teacher cares and knows
I played the other day
I can be happy doing something I enjoy

17. Thought Exercise Provide group with scenario
List ‘red’ thoughts that may occur
List ‘green’ thoughts that can replace ‘red thoughts’

18. Ways Others Can Help Encouragers Just try your best!
You can do it!
You did that really well!
I’m proud of you for trying hard!
You’re doing great, keep practicing!
Encourage children to pay attention to positives
To focus on the positive aspects of every situation.
Positive things from within, from others, or from the situation itself.
To expect good things to happen

19. Why Is It Important to Involve Parents? (leader manual p. 107)
Encourage more time with their children:
Listening to their children’s solutions
Discussion of positive consequences
Reinforcement of proactive plans
Model approach and assertive plans
Establish routines, quiet time, adequate sleep time and appropriate diet
Monitoring and mentoring supportive friendships

20. Knowing what to do… helping families help their kids

21. Benefits of Parent Training
Become aware of their coping style & cognitive style
Development of stress management strategies
Practice modelling positive brave behaviours
Development of realistic expectations
Enhancement of family teamwork
Learn to help their children think in helpful ways
Awareness of child’s difficulties / fears; “at risk” times
Catch their child being brave, and reinforce them
Help their children/youth form support networks

22. Parent Training in BC
Led by The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Kids Mental Health (with funding from MCFD)
Offered to 15 school districts across BC – new component for 2005
2 sessions for 2 hours
Ideally facilitated by school counselor
Collaboration with PAC and Mental Health Team
Contact : Donna
Keli Anderson:

23. PAC Role
To advocate for The FRIENDS program in your school/school district
To talk about and ask for presentations on The FRIENDS program at your PAC meeting
To co-facilitate the parents’ training with your school counselor and MCFD therapist

24. What makes a difference
Talking to other parents
Making connections and building relationships in the school and community
Having some easy, practical tools to apply
Learning to react differently
Finding one person in the school who can act as a ‘safe’ person for the child

25. Continuum of Care
The skills learned in grades 4 or 5 with the FRIENDS become life skills to be used forever.
Parents can also use the skill when they hit a rough patch or situation
Just because your child is doing well today, doesn’t mean they don’t need skills for managing stress and anxiety tomorrow.

26. Our Kids, they’re counting on us
To act as a community to support and help them
To see them through a different “lense”, and think of them beyond their behaviour
To help their parents get through the really tough times

27. We need to be WITH and FOR children, not AT them.

28. Resources & Contact Info
Some helpful websites:

29. Resources & Contact Info
“Taming the Worry Dragon” Series
Includes books, manuals and videotapes
“Anxiety Disorders in Children and Youth”
Special issue of VISIONS (BC’s mental health journal)
Self-test for Teens experiencing anxiety problems
Self-test for parents of a child experiencing anxiety problems