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2. Week8! One seminar left!  How is everyone this week?  Let’s get started. I do hope that you were able to complete the readings for this seminar and able to revise your essay drafts this week.

3. Today’s agenda:  How do I write effective introductions and conclusions?  How can I use the post-draft outline to revise my draft?  How can I provide helpful feedback to classmates in the Invention Lab?

4. Assignments for unit 8  Readings: Introduction to unit, The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing ch. 13 (outlining) and ch. 14 (pp. 181- 194)  Invention Lab:  Post your revised introduction and conclusion paragraphs AND explain why you made the changes you did.  Create a post-draft outline and discuss your planned revisions for the final.  Attach your draft so classmates can make comparisons.  Respond to 2 classmates.

5. Part I Introductions and conclusions

6. What Should Your Introduction Reveal? 6

7. Introductions should...  Set the stage  Engage attention  Set the appropriate tone  Provide background and definition of topic, and  State thesis (usually in a single sentence at the very end of the paragraph)

8. What to avoid in introductions What to avoidExample Truisms, platitudes, and obvious statements. “Truisms” are claims that are so commonplace and obvious that they are not worth mentioning. “A little knowledge can go a long way” “Children are the hope of the future” “Go with the flow.” Complaining and personal apologies to instructor “I had a really hard time deciding what to write about” Dictionary definitionsAccording to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, alternative medicine is “any various system of healing or treating disease that is not included in traditional medical curricula.”

9. What to avoid in introductions What to avoidExamples Widely known factsNo Child Left Behind became a law in 2001. “I believe” and “I think” statements as well as other uses of first person “I think No Child Left Behind has failed to achieve its goals.” “We need to improve our country’s educational system.” Second person (you)You should recognize the signs of bullying so that your child will not be a victim or a perpetrator. AnnouncingThis paper will be about... Overly outrageous statements“Children should never be allowed to use the internet because this will protect them from predators.”

10. Establish the issue In the last decade or so, American culture has become increasingly tolerant of teenage sexuality. Many parents, too busy in their lives, are not proactive in educating their teens on issues related to sexuality. Educators are often left with the role of providing basic information about the subject even as more and more sexual education classes are cut from the curriculum. Where does this leave curious teens? Statistics show that 75 percent of teens have had sex by the time they are nineteen years old. The teenage birth rate continues to climb as do reported cases of sexually transmitted diseases (Healy, 2008). Cleary, it is imperative to develop intervention programs that teach adolescents the effective skills in delaying early sexual behaviors. Early education on delaying sexual activity for teens can drastically decrease teenage pregnancies, prevent the spread of STDs, and help teens to make the right choices that can impact the rest of their lives.

11. Pose questions/use example Can a person’s life change dramatically in a matter of twenty-four hours? One day a person has a certain kind of life – a home, nearby schools for your kids, a wonderful neighborhood, good job, friends – and the next day it may all be gone, irreversibly changed. As a resident of New Orleans, Louisiana, Jean had always known that a major hurricane could strike, but even knowing this fact could not prepare her for what happened in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Hurricane Katrina demonstrated the need for residents to evacuate when mandated, for local and state authorities to work more efficiently together, and for the federal government to respond in a timely and responsible manner.

12. Use an attention-grabbing statement Some children cannot sit still. They fidget and do not listen. They appear distracted by every little thing and do not seem to learn from their mistakes. These children disregard rules, even when they are punished repeatedly. Many people see such kids and conclude that their parents must not know how to control them. However, the truth is that attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is misunderstood. In fact, ADHD is a growing problem that requires more research to understand, better intervention programs to help afflicted children, and improved training and support programs to help parents and educators.

13. Use a shocking statement or statistic, use a quote McDonald’s has sold over 100 billion burgers. One hundred billion burgers with bun, stacked on top of one another would extend over 2.9 million miles into space--twelve times as far as the moon (Grimes, 2007). What is the secret of McDonald’s incredible success? To use the words of Ray Kroc, McDonald’s founder, the secret to McDonald’s success is that the fast-food giant produces “consistently mediocre food” (Thomas, 2001). The McDonald’s corporation has become a model of success due to its understanding of its market niche, its ability to redefine its image over time, and its ability to remain stable and produce a profit even in difficult economic times.

14. Other approaches  Use extended example or series of examples  Define an essential term (one the reader may not be familiar with or that you need to reframe for the reader)  Dramatize a scene

15. How Important are Conclusions? 15

16. Ever sat through a movie or read a book and the ending…….. 16

17. Conclusions: What should they do?  Bring the essay to a logical close  Reinforce the main idea in an engaging manner (without just repeating the thesis and introduction)  Leave readers with something to think about

18. Strategies StrategyHow it works The echoRepeat key concepts or words to reiterate a point Audience appealPoints out to audience how things will turn out if the situation doesn’t change State the “so what”What is the deeper meaning to the argument? Back to the beginningA “mirror image” or completing a narrative begun in the introduction Where do we go from here?Suggest directions for further research, note problems that still need to be addressed

19. Example (audience appeal) The current political culture allows for staggering sums of money to be spent on campaigns. The basic idea is not so much about content as it is about getting the word out and creating a buzz. The more one hears about a candidate, the greater the buzz. And, of course, creating a buzz costs money, but, as advertisers have known for a long time, it is money well spent. Getting elected is a lot like selling laundry detergent, and until If American citizens do not let their government know that they’ve had enough, that spending millions of dollars – even if it’s a candidate’s own money – to hold an office is ludicrous, then they have no one but themselves to blame.

20. Part II Post-draft outlining

21. Revising your writing to make it stronger What is revision and how does it differ from editing? 21

22. Why create a post-draft outline?  Allows writer to “see” whether the draft works  Pinpoints areas of weakness  Builds writer’s ability to evaluate work objectively 22

23. The post-draft outline  Re-read your draft.  Number each paragraph in your draft.  On a separate sheet of paper, write a corresponding number (1, 2, 3, 4…).  Read the first paragraph again and next to the corresponding number, summarize that entire paragraph in one sentence.  Continue to do this for each paragraph in your draft.  Use your outline to help you objectively analyze your draft and locate areas that need revision. 23

24. Next, ask yourself:  Can you follow the logic of your paper from beginning to end?  Do you see places where the connection between paragraphs seems hard to follow or hard to state?  Might you need to move a paragraph elsewhere in the paper?  Can you find places where you need to create a bridge between paragraphs or major ideas in your paper?  Are there places where you feel more needs to be said?  Are there paragraphs or passages that seem to repeat what has already been established earlier in the paper?  Was there a paragraph that was particularly difficult to summarize and might need to be divided in two? 24

25. Workshop: Creating a post-draft outline  Read an essay entitled “Curbing Parental Sports Rage” (in Doc Sharing and on the following slides)  Create one sentence summarizing each of the 8 paragraphs.  Offer recommendations to the writer for revising the draft and making it more effective. 25

26. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶1 A child’s world is full of violence. It appears in video games, films, and TV programs, and many parents in the hope of removing their children from some of this violence are encouraging and sometimes pushing their children into participating in organized sports. Unfortunately, this same violence is creeping into Little League, Pee Wee football, soccer, basketball, and hockey, in the form of the parents’ and coaches’ poor conduct and rage. This violent behavior on the part of parents and coaches must be curbed and we must bring back into the game the learning of the rules and skills of the sport and a sense of good sportsmanship and values. 26

27. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶2 Some parents are losing sight of why these children are playing--and that to the children is what they are doing: “playing.” Many parents come to their child’s practice or game with their own agenda of win, win, win at all costs. The team winning, the points scored, who is the big scorer: these are the issues that have replaced fun and sportsmanship in the eyes of these parents. These unreasonable expectations of winning, not messing up, being the star player, and making mom and/or dad proud are everything. “These parents expect perfection from their children, the coaches and the referees” (Sachs, 2000, p.62). It no longer is for the kids. Maybe Mom or Dad were promising athletes in their youth and for one reason or another were robbed of their hopes and are pinning all of their own wants, needs, wishes, and “what ifs” on their child or children (Kehe, 2000). The major problem seems to be that these parents are not considering what the children want. According to a “Kidthink” survey conducted by Jerry Kirshenbaum (1993) for Sports Illustrated, the kids want things like “unlimited free throws until they miss in basketball, everyone having a turn to play, less violence in hockey, using their hands in soccer, and to have fun” (p.12). Perhaps the parents should listen to the children on this issue. 27

28. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶3 Originally, the purpose of organized sports for young children was to teach them the basics of the game and skills needed to play, to practice good sportsmanship, and to have fun. If we look back to the beginnings of organized sports over 100 years ago, the purpose then was to get the growing numbers of rowdy children off the streets and to teach them values (Nack & Munson, 2000). Joe Fish, director of the Center for Sports Psychology in Philadelphia adds to this stating, “The main purpose of youth sports is to emphasize effort, participation and skill development” (as cited in Nack & Munson, 2000, p. 6). According to Fish, parents and coaches are too worried about the outcome of the game and are getting away from the initial purpose. In addition, Thomas Tutko, Professor Emeritus of sports psychology at San Jose State University and a member of the National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS) board says, “Kids rank winning about seventh or eighth down on the list. […] Children’s sports are supposed to teach skills and values – such as fair play, working with others and dealing well with adversity- that kids can draw upon throughout their lives” (as cited in Nack & Munson, 2000, p. 6). What has gone wrong with that purpose? Where has this sense of sportsmanship, learning, and fun gone? 28

29. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶4 The incidence of violent behavior (sports rage) among sports parents is increasing throughout the United States and Canada and it needs to be curtailed. The epidemic of verbal harassment and physical violence by parents at youth sports events is increasing PAGE 4 begins: far too rapidly. These incidents range from a heated and profane 15-minute argument, to brawls involving two, ten, even fifty or a hundred parents, to striking and beating up coaches and referees, and even to murder (Nack & Munson, 2000). The age range of the children observing these incidents is 6 to 12 year olds, and some as young as 4 and 5 see these outbursts. Where is the role modeling and focus of assisting children to develop: […] an enjoyment of sports and fitness that will last a lifetime; physical fitness, basic motor skills, a positive self-image, a balanced perspective on sports in relation to the child’s school and community life, and a commitment to the values of teamwork, fair play, and sportsmanship. (Organized Athletics for Preadolescent Children, 2001, p. 583) 29

30. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶5 Athletic associations and organizers of youth sports, Fred Engh, President of NAYS, and the organization’s 2,200 chapters in the United States are attempting to educate parents and coaches on the needs of young athletes, but this effort needs to be expanded to all organized youth sports (Nack & Muson, 2000; Gardner, 1999; Axtman, 2000; Reilly, 2000). Engh and his cohorts Jim Thompson, director of Positive Coaching Alliance at Stanford, The Cedar Rapids Recreation Department, Jupiter Florida Athletic Association, Port St Lucie Youth Soccer Association, and many other organized athletic associations are now requiring parents to attend sportsmanship classes, adhere to parental conduct handbooks, sign codes of conduct, and observe Silent Saturdays. Parents who refuse to attend class, adhere to the handbook, or do not comply with the code of conduct are ejected from the sporting event and their child is removed from the team. In order to reduce this parental “sports rage,” all organized youth sports associations across the United States need to adopt these stricter policies and return youth sports to the original focus and goal - youth having fun while learning all aspects of a sport. 30

31. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶6 Many groups are working to return youth sports to a time of teaching fundamental skills, developing fitness and promoting the development of positive attitudes, values, and self-esteem. The American Academy of Pediatrics, Committee on Sports Medicine and Committee on School Health (2001) are concerned for the preadolescent children who participate in sports and have outlined “[…] important objectives for parents, coaches and officials” (p. 583). They are “[...] to enhance the child’s self-image, mastery of the sport with emphasis on performance, setting realistic goals, effort should be met with praise and mistakes met with encouragement and corrective instruction” (p. 583). In addition, they recommend that parents show that the child’s worth is unrelated to the outcome of the game and give unconditional approval for participating and having fun. 31

32. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶7 Even Peggy Post (2004) of Modern Manners in Good Housekeeping had a “Good Sport Guide for Parents.” Post had five simple rules for parents: 1. Leave refereeing to the referee. No yelling, rehashing, or insulting when you don’t agree with the call. 2. Be considerate of parents and players, even those affiliated with the other team. 3. Show your kid how to be respectful: Winners don’t gloat; losers don’t sulk. 4. Value integrity above victory and teach your child to do the same. That means expecting him or her to follow the rules and not to cheat. 5. Take a pledge. Many teams have children and parents sign a code of conduct that applies on and off the field. (Post, 2004, p. 32). 32

33. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, ¶8 Parents across the United States and into Canada need to let go of their own agendas, and athletic associations need to enforce parental and coaching codes of conduct through classes and training. As a result, the world of youth sports can be returned to the children where they can all learn to enjoy a sport, learn the skills of a sport, play, and most of all have fun. 33

34. Part III Peer reviewing

35. Guidelines for responses this week  Make sure your first response is to a classmate who has not yet gotten one  Review ch. 16 of The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing and the tips we covered in unit 7  Do not focus on grammar, punctuation, spelling, or formatting concerns

36. What to address  Review Invention Lab instructions for ideas about what to address in the responses  Offer concrete suggestions for revising and improving the draft  Review the attached draft so you can make judgments about the post-draft outline and the revised introduction and conclusion. 36

37. Helpful feedback  Your thesis statement clearly describes your position, but you have main points that are not clearly connected to the thesis statement. How about revising the thesis so that it lets the reader know what to expect?  You might include a statistic in the introduction to let the reader know how big of a problem this is. I read this great article in the Washington Post this week that would give you some good numbers; here is the link...  I have had a really hard time revising my introduction to give it a good “hook,” too. I found this helpful website at the University of North Carolina’s writing center that you might review: http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductions.html. A couple of suggestions they had were opening with a thought-provoking question or a surprising anecdote related to your topic. http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductions.html

38. Week 9 Preview  Your final project is a portfolio consisting of revisions of the blueprint for progress that you submitted in Unit 6, the letter to the editor that you wrote in Unit 5, and the presentation that you created in Unit 7. The presentation can take the form of a blog, podcast, brochure, slide show, or one of the other multi-media forms covered in the tech labs or approved by your instructor. You will also write a reflection piece that answers the following questions in paragraph form:  What did you learn about yourself as a writer? As a thinker?  What did you learn about the process of writing?  What skills did you develop that might help you in the future?  What did you take from the larger conversation with others?  How did your feedback from peers and your instructor affect the revision of your blueprint, letter to the editor, and presentation? 38

39. Remember  You are writing a paper that makes an argument. Its goal is to persuade others of the value of your Big Idea.  You are using outside research to support this argument, but your paper and presentation should focus on your own ideas and use your own analysis of this outside research to make the argument.  The length requirement of 5-7 pages is just for the essay component of the assignment. That length does not include the title and references page. 39

40. Sources  Sources: Your research paper must directly refer to at least five sources (in the paper's text, not just on the references page). At least two should be scholarly books or articles, and at least one of those should come from the Kaplan library. One great way to find academic sources is to look for articles in refereed or peer-reviewed journals, and "Academic Search Premier" allows you to limit your search to scholarly (peer-reviewed) journals. 40

41. 5-7 Page Minimum  Your final project research paper must include a references page containing all sources referenced in your paper and presentation. The references page is in addition to, not included in, the 5-7 page minimum required for the paper. It also must include a title page. You can view models of these in the Writing Center's reading, APA Manuscript Style and Sample APA Research Paper 41

42.  A final important note: your final paper must be original work written for this class. This means that you must be the author (turning in a paper written by someone else is plagiarism and will not be tolerated) and you must not have turned your final project (or another version of it) in for a grade in another class. If you wish to further develop a paper or idea you had for a prior class, you must first get your instructor's permission to do so, and you must send your instructor that paper along with the instructor's name, course number, and quarter it was submitted. With rare exception, this is discouraged. The goal of this course is to improve your writing, and that only happens through practice. If you do not write, you cannot improve your writing.  Further, you turned in a draft version (the Unit 6 Project) before your final version (the Unit 9 Project). 42

43.  You will not receive credit for turning in the same version more than once (for example, turning the same paper in as both your draft and final project).  Your final project must show significant and substantial revision from the draft, meaning multiple paragraphs must be significantly revised, other paragraphs must have been added or deleted, etc. If you are unclear about what constitutes "significant revision" talk to your instructor prior to turning in your final project.  Consult your course Syllabus for grading rubrics for this and other course projects. These rubrics will guide you in how these projects are assessed and graded.  The Final Project will be due at the end of Unit 9 43

44. References  Top ten things not to do in your introduction (Power Point presentation created by Kaplan faculty member)  Clements, K. (2010). Essay development. In Martinez, D., Carlson, S., & VanDam, K. (Eds), The Kaplan guide to successful writing (pp. 159-204). New York: Kaplan Publishing.

45. Week 8 Seminar is Over  Good Luck on your Final Projects!  Have a Great Rest of the Week 45