1. Men’s Retreat 2015 Lamb of God Auckland Branch
Talk 2: A Man’s Family Life Under God

2. Introduction
Introduction: In this time and age, these are some of the challenges we face as a family:
Moral Decay – the Christian culture is gone
Breakdown of the family as a basic unit of the society – divorce, civil union, etc.
Technology/Gadgets
Isolation/Loneliness/Depression
There are many others

3. Other Thoughts:
There is a spiritual war going on between good and evil, God and Satan.
We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one. [1 John 5:19]
God created us men in this challenging time and age: he has called us to be fathers and husbands.

4. Some of the Challenges We Face
Some of us do not have strong models of husbands and fathers who are strong, mature and responsible in their families.
Many husbands and fathers nowadays enjoy the benefits of being husbands and fathers but not taking their responsibilities seriously.
We most probably do not have the training and exposure to become strong, loving and mature husbands and fathers.
If we do not step up, we will pass on what we have to our daughters and to our sons [who will probably replicate what we did].

5. Factors that Affect Our Roles as Husbands and Fathers
Work
Entertainment
Not getting along well with our wives. This brings disunity in the family and affects everyone.
We do not know how to become a great husband and father.

6. The Importance of Our Roles
How important are our roles as husbands and fathers? Let us look at the current trends and ‘norms’ we see at home.
Men nowadays: tends to be disengaged and drifting; passive; we tend to act immature, irresponsible and negligent as leaders in our families: to our wives and children.
The need of the hour: strong, mature, and responsible men of God who can take their place in our families.

7. Some Questions We Can Ask:
Is your wife worn out, carrying too much on her shoulders?
Does your marriage lack direction, romance and intimacy?
Are your children, whether young or old, emotionally distant from you and spiritually apathetic to God?
Is your faith and spiritual condition weak or mediocre at its best?

8. The Power of A Good Husband
Most marriages break apart because men do not take seriously their roles as husbands.
The key to a good family life is your own relationship with your wife! [There is no other option: our children are happy and confident when they see their parents are loving and caring for each other.]
We usually stop being nice and loving to our wives once we get married to them. We forget the times when we were courting her, wooing her and pleasing her.

9. The Power of A Good Husband
We as husbands need to take the role of leadership in our marriages: if things are not working well, it is our responsibility to make them work!
Do we love our wives deeply, as Christ loves His church? Are we ready to die for our wives? Every day?
Do we care for our wives spiritually? Are we aware of their current struggles and needs?

10. The Power of A Good Husband
How often do we give our wives our prime time and attention?
When was the last time we dated our wives?
When did we give them unexpected gifts?
When did we serve them without being asked?
How often do we express our love and affection to our spouses?

11. The Power of A Good Husband
When was the last time we encouraged her when she was feeling down?
How often do we hug our wives, just to show her we love her?
Are we emotionally connected with our wives?
The KEY to a happy wife [and a successful marriage, and a good sex life!] is a loving and a caring husband!

12. The Power of A Good Husband
The KEY to a happy wife is a loving and a caring husband!

13. The Power of A Godly Father
Look at your own father. In what way did he influence your life?
Deep down inside, children yearn for their father’s approval. It is in-born, as God designed it.
Our roles as fathers are very powerful – in fact, life-changing to our children!
When children do not get their dad’s approval, they seek that approval from someone else.
A lot of modern men do know what it means to be a real Godly father. Why? Because they probably never saw it from their own dads.

14. The Power of A Godly Father
Statistics [USA]:
Missing dads create a massive vacuum of unmet needs in the lives of their children, which only a dad can fill.
Survey: most prisoners, drug abusers, school dropouts, runaways, rapists - all share one common thing: they come from fatherless homes.
About half of youth suicides come from fatherless homes.

15. What is the Priceless Purpose of Fatherhood?
God created fatherhood for one eternal purpose: to reveal and represent Himself. Every human father is called to be a physical representation of God to His children, to reveal Himself to the next generation. When a child looks at his father, he or she should see these attributes of God in his/her dad: • A loving provider • A strong protector • A truthful leader • A respectable authority • An intimate friend

16. What is the Priceless Purpose of Fatherhood?
We cannot avoid it – but we represent God to our children no matter how good or bad we are as fathers.
If we are loving, caring and protecting our children, they will think God is the same.
But if we are distant, aloof, and uncaring to our children, how do you think they will see God?
Imperfect as we are, this is our role as fathers –and that is how important we are to our children.

17. The Power of A Godly Father
There is no other most influential person in a child’s life than his or her dad. Mums are very important and priceless in their roles, but hey were never created to be dads. Why? • Your children get their identity from you. • They get their values from you. • They learn their self-worth from you

18. What if Our Own Fathers and Ancestors Failed Us?
• YOU can choose to forgive you dad – he probably did not know any better. • YOU can break the chains of the past generations of anger, abuse, negligence and rejection. You do not have to follow the footsteps of your own father. Be a chain breaker! • YOU can stop the cycle of passing on passive fatherhood! Start a new generation of Godly fathers! • YOU need to resolve to CHANGE the pattern of fatherhood in your lineage. Be the father that God wants you to be!

19. Our Homes:
• Are they havens of love and enjoyment, peace and purpose, discipline and training, nurturing and encouragement? • Are your children able to share their joys and sorrows in their everyday lives? • Are your children confidently and freely able to share their spiritual lives? • Is it a place where our wives are valued and appreciated, where she is joyful and at peace?

20. What is the Need of the Hour?
The times need courageous men who will take their roles as husbands and fathers seriously. Our wives and children desperately need men, husbands and fathers who will step up, come against the tide of our present day culture and of our own imperfect models of fatherhood.
God is not after just good fathers, but the best fathers that we can be! We need to lift the standard! We need to lift the bar! We need courage to do this!
Rise up, O men of God!

21. Be the best husband and father you can be!
Our Challenge:
Be the best husband and father you can be!

22. What Do We Need to Do?
1. Decide to be the Man who God wants you to be –not just be good or average husbands or fathers, but the best that we can be. 2. This is not easy – it takes courage to change ourselves: the change comes from within! 3. We need to make important decisions regarding our relationship with our wives and children; how we spend our time; our priorities; how we spend money; etc. 4. We need to make ourselves accountable to those decisions: the best place to make those decisions and be accountable for them is in Christian community!

23. What Do We Need to Do?
We may need to forgive our dads in the way they were not as good examples as they are to us; or we need to be thankful to God for our dads who were good models and examples to us. We need to start with a new slate – no blaming.
We need to repent of our sins and DECIDE to change.
If you have sons, decide to spend more time being with them and training them on how to be men of God and how to be future husbands and fathers.

24. What Do We Need to Do?
If you have daughters, decide to give them time to share their thoughts and emotions too. Attention, affirmation, affection – these should be valued in your homes.
We need to decide to be chain breakers.
Decide to be faithful, to be responsible, to be mature.
Decide to love and affirm your children: when was the last you told your children or your wife that you love them?

25. What Do We Need to Do?
The standard is very high. But God is there with us [the source of all love and the example of faithful and undying love] and the Holy Spirit is there to help us to change.
Look at the legacy you will leave your children and your children’s children behind. [The 4th Talk]

26. Conclusion
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them." [Deuteronomy 30:19-20]

27. Time for Meditation
In what ways have I patterned myself as a father and a husband with the examples of my own father? Which are good and which ones are not so good?
What have I learned, as a husband and a father, during the talk?
What do I need to do about them?