1. 1 Presenting The Holly-Dazed Singers We have prepared some special PlantAmnesty holiday songs for you. You will likely recognize the tunes, but the lyrics may be new. We will project the words. For songs with choruses, please join in if you like.

2. 2 Gol Durn You Pesky Fireweed (God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen) Gol durn you pesky Fireweed Of you I do despair. No matter what I do to you You’re always in my hair. I pull you out from over here And next you’re over there! O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom Mis’ry and gloom O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom

3. Oh God our Heavenly Father Please listen to my plea. Eradicate all horse tail Of it please set me free. It leads all weeds upon this earth In sheer tenacity! O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom Mis’ry and gloom O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom. 3

4. Fear knotweed putting down its roots In gardens o’er the land. Against it we as gardeners United take a stand. But holy cow it’s hard to dig Each nasty root by hand! O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom Mis’ry and gloom O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom. 4

5. I gave up using chemicals When Ciscoe told me so. I bought a hori-hori knife To go with my new hoe. But weeds they seem to laugh at me As merrily they grow! O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom Mis’ry and gloom O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom. 5

6. 6 We Three Cuts (We Three Kings) We three cuts all gard’ners should know When it is a-pruning we go Learn them well so plants can tell If we are friend or foe. Chorus O-oh removal cuts, the choice of three. Reduction cuts: use sparingly. Then there’s heading, causing dreading— Must be used quite carefully.

7. If you want to take off a limb From the place from where it begins The removal gets approval Making trees light and thing. If you think a tree is too tall, There’s not much you can do at all. A reduction may be an option Under strict protocol. 7

8. Chorus O-oh removal cuts, the choice of three. Reduction cuts: use sparingly. Then there’s heading, causing dreading— Must be used quite carefully. 8

9. Heading cuts: for judicious use. To cause sprouting or shape a moose. Fruit trees, hedges and some sedges, Use but avoid abuse. Chorus O-oh removal cuts, the choice of three. Reduction cuts: use sparingly. Then there’s heading, causing dreading— Must be used quite carefully. 9

10. 10 When Rain Falls (Deck the Halls) Dark, wet clouds are moving inland Pull the covers up and stay in bed. I’d much rather stay at home than Prune my client’s trees as I had said. Don we now our rain apparel, Heading out for a day in the rain. Hypothermia is a peril. Wet Seattle winters are a pain!

11. Fast away the sun is sinking, Steady wind and rain are pelting me. What in God’s name was I thinking When I left my house to climb this tree? It’s too late to change careers now, And besides I look good in climbing gear! Still today I make this new vow: I’ll be on a beach this time next year! A warm and sunny beach this time next year! 11

12. 12 The Holly and the Ivy (The Holly and the Ivy) Oh the holly and the ivy When they are both full grown, Of all the plants that are in the wood These invasives bring a frown. Chorus With their rising from the ground, And emergence of their shoots, You should run and grab your hori-hori knife And make war upon their roots.

13. Oh the holly bears white blossoms. It’s fruit is very red. To the other plants that are in the yard The holly just spells DREAD. Chorus With their rising from the ground And emergence of their shoots, You should run and grab your hori-hori knife And make war upon their roots. 13

14. Oh the holly and the ivy ‘Tho the bard has sung their praise, We see them in a very different light For the havoc that they raise. Oh the holly and the ivy Plant them only if you must. But be sure to keep a watchful eye on them They’re invasives you can’t trust! 14

15. 15 Members of Plant Amnesty (Jolly Old Saint Nicholas) Members of PlantAmnesty Know our mission well. We save trees and shrubbery From mal-pruning hell. Garden tours and bingo games MOLMs to learn a lot, Classes, workshops, Arbor Days— All these things we’ve got!

16. If you call Plant Amnesty When your trees need help, We’ll send you names of arborists— Trust us more than Yelp. Gardeners are on our list, We refer them too. Adopt-a-Plant’s another thing That we do for you. 16

17. Our goal at PlantAmnesty Is to teach respect, And promote awareness of The plants that we protect. These are things we do for love, But you need to know That we cannot do these things If you don’t give us dough. 17

18. When the call goes out from us Hope you’re on our side. Open up your pocket books, Open deep and wide. Pull out bills and credit cards, We like check books too. If you were to give to us We’d say “ THANKS ” to you! 18

19. That’s it for now! Stay tuned for more later. 19

21. 21 Cotinus the Purple Smoke Bush (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer) Cotinus the Purple Smoke Bush Didn’t like the way he looked. He thought his darkened foliage Seemed as if it had been cooked. His puffs of lacy flowers Were to him a source of shame. Next to a bold hydrangea, He considered his blooms lame.

22. Then one day a Golden Form Appeared on the neighbor’s berm. When she told him he looked nice, His self-image took a turn. Slowly he grew to love her, And her feelings grew as well. Now they’re a happy couple, And together they look swell! Bringing color to the dell. It’s a story sweet to tell. 22

23. 23 Rhodie, Rhodie, Rhodie (Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel) I had a little rhodie I bought it in a pot. When it got to three feet, Stop growing it did not! Planted by the window, And now I’ve lost my view. I’ll thin out all the deadwood And crossing branches too.

24. Chorus Rhodie, rhodie, rhodie You started as a sprig. But now my little rhodie Has gotten way too big! 24

25. I’m starting to get worried It’s almost ten feet tall! I’ll prune the lower branches And arborize it all. And now it’s two years later I might just lose my mind. It’s over in the neighbor’s yard And in the power lines! 25

26. Chorus Rhodie, rhodie, rhodie You started as a sprig. But now my little rhodie Has gotten way too big! 26

27. Things are getting desperate, My husband’s getting raw. He says it’s him or rhodie, And starts up the chainsaw! I close my eyes and listen As branches fall and crack. Radical renovation Has kept our marriage intact. 27

28. Chorus Rhodie, rhodie, rhodie You started as a sprig. But now my little rhodie Has gotten way too big! 28

29. 29 Oh Holey Tarp (Oh Holy Night) Oh holey tarp, We’ve worked so long together We’ve been a team that is always on its game. Come rain or shine, no matter what the weather We’ve done good work and our clients spread our fame.

30. But over time you’ve grown so torn and tattered Your rips and tears are clearly signs of age. Oh, can’t you see, Your working days are numbered? Oh holey tarp! You can’t go on; Your time is up; The end is near. Oh tarp, oh holey tarp. 30

31. Oh holey tarp, I don’t know why I keep you. You can’t contain half the stuff I put inside. Picking you up, cold dirty water seeps through, Drips down my back ‘til my patience is fried! 31

32. Every day I vow that I’ll replace you, But still my heart can’t bear to let you go. Fall on my knees, Duct tape to try to patch you, Oh holey tarp! It’s just no use, you’re too far gone-- More holes than tarp. Oh tarp, oh tarp goodbye! 32

33. 33 Don’t Shear Your Shrubbery (Frosty the Snowman) Don’t shear your shrubbery It’s an awful thing to do. It’s not good for any plant, Except for just a few. It makes them ugly, And it leaves a twiggy mess. Shearing is a naughty thing, A sin you should confess!

34. Plant Amnesty would love it if You’d be a Shearing Cop. If you hear the power shears, Stand up and holler “STOP!” 34

35. Your plants will love you If you treat them with some care. If you’d like to spruce them up, Just clip them here and there. Thin from the middle, To let in air and light. Skirt them up just a little bit Until they look just right. 35

36. If you think you want to prune Another branch or two, Stop and think and ask yourself, “What would Cass Turnbull do?” Don’t shear your shrubbery, Selective pruning is The Way. Your plants will look their very best, And will thank you every day! 36

37. 37 Dashing to the Aid (Jingle Bells)) Learning the Chorus Dead, diseased, dangling-down Damaged and deranged

38. 38 Dashing to the Aid (Jingle Bells)) Dashing to the aid Of a great big bush or tree, There are simple rules To store in memory. Keep them in your mind To help you do things right. To put them in your memory bank Repeat this every night:

39. Chorus Oh dead, diseased, dangling-down, Damaged and deranged— When it’s time to prune a tree, Such branches are fair game. Dead, diseased, dangling-down, Damaged and deranged— With your sharpened secateurs On these limbs take first aim. 39

40. Your weeping maple tree With branches hanging down Is so thick and dense Your can’t see through its crown. You lie flat on your back As pruners often do, And as you wonder where to start This song comes back to you. 40

41. Chorus Oh dead, diseased, dangling-down, Damaged and deranged— When it’s time to prune a tree, Such branches are fair game. Dead, diseased, dangling-down, Damaged and deranged— With your sharpened secateurs On these limbs take first aim. 41

42. Your Pieris is too big It’s way too wide and tall. You decide it’s best To arborize it all. You review your notes So you don’t do things wrong. Then all at once the words come back To this instructive song. 42

43. Chorus Oh dead, diseased, dangling-down, Damaged and deranged— When it’s time to prune a tree, Such branches are fair game. Dead, diseased, dangling-down, Damaged and deranged— With your sharpened secateurs On these limbs take first aim. 43

44. 44 Acknowledging Muse: Cass Turnbull Director: Adam Burdick Lyricists: Jack Bautsch, Keith Dekker, Annette Freeman, Kristin Schultz Guitarists: Bill McMeekin, Saul Candib T-shirts: Kate Allen, Rich Ellison Elf hats: Emily Allsop, Susie Cook Technical Assistant: Kristin Schultz

45. 45 The Holly-Dazed Singers Adam Burdick, Director Jack BautschSaul CandibJuliet Cole Keith DekkerLiz DunlapJudy Griesel Andree HurleyJohn HushagenMary Machala Bill McMeekinGena MulliganPenelope Nichols Michelle ScannellMike SharpeDiana Shirley Gaylloyd SissonIngela Wanerstrand

46. Thank you for coming Happy Holidays from PlantAmnesty and The Holly-Dazed Singers 46