1. GOOD AFTERNOON If you have not SCORED the Questionnaire. Please do so now. Thanks. If you don’t have one, please let me know.

2. NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S CONFLICT RESOLUTION PACADA FALL RETREAT - SEPTEMBER 22, 2015 ALVIN LEE – HUMAN RESOURCES 494-7418 ALEEJR@PURDUE.EDU

3. OBJECTIVES Provide a framework to separate the conflict conversation – from problem solving. Discuss issues – conversations that may be uncomfortable and challenging. Review researched guidelines and reminders to help Staff have productive conversations. Discuss some conversations that may require/need other Purdue help – Human Resources – Office of Institutional Equity – Purdue Hotline.

4. AUDIENCE – WHO IS HERE? How long at Purdue? Less than 5 years? More than 10+? 20+?

5. GUIDELINES FOR THE AFTERNOON Safe zone to ask questions – here to help your success. Please share details as appropriate – respect confidentiality. Not here to embarrass anyone. Serious learning and sharing – can be fun!

6. NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S CONFLICT “A disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests, or concerns”

7. COMMUNICATION BARRIER http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZpDnXYIFjo

8. GUIDING PRINCIPLES – CONFLICT In General: Expect some conflict as a part of your every day work life. Address negative conflicts early – Co/Workers, Supervisor. Listening is KEY to understanding. Know the behavior – values of your department culture. Learn to move on – “stuff happens”.

9. ANSWER SHEET: Record your responses Across the page and ADD EACH COLUMN! 1.2.3.4.5. 6.7.8.9.10. 11.12.13.14.15. 16.17.18.19.20. 21.22.23.24.25. 26.27.28.29.30. 31.32.33.34.35. Turtle Withdrawing You bend, I bend Avoidance Shark Aggressive I win, you lose Competition Teddy Bear Accommodating I lose, you win Smoothing Fox Compromising You bend, I bend Deal maker Owl Collaborating I win, you win Problem solving

10. OPENING THE CONVERSATION "I’d like to talk about ____________ with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view.“ "I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?” "I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively. "I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)?" If they say, "Sure, let me get back to you," follow up with them. "I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I’d like to hear your feelings or thoughts on this.” "I’d like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas on how to _____________________.” "I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your thoughts or feelings about this and share my perspective as well."

11. DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS - SUPERVISOR How does an employee have a conversation with his/her supervisor when he/she feels unfairly treated by that supervisor?  Does the employee provide the agenda and guide the conversation?  Does the employee ask for a third-party moderator?  Does the employee document the conversation for future reference?

12. DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS - COWORKERS A few of my coworkers make things in our office tense and sometimes not enjoyable. They seem unhappy with everyone and everything. They have taken their issues out on unnecessary people and seem to enjoy conflict. How do I deal with this? I am cordial and businesslike to these coworkers but don’t tell them about my personal life due to their drama.

13. FACULTY - STUDENTS How to deal with issues with faculty members in general. When supporting them, they don’t always have a realistic set of expectations of how the University works and why advising policies may be in place. It would be nice to not always have to pull a supervisor into the loop to deal with issues. Most of my students are great. But I have a few who tend to be somewhat harsh in their interactions with me. The always miss deadlines or are late for appoeitnments with me. What advice do you have?

14. OBJECTIVE – SUBJECTIVE LANGUAGE Subjective: You are irritating to other employees and difficult to work with when others want to get their work done. Objective: Are you aware you interrupt people by dropping by their work space to chat or voice an opinion unannounced. Subjective: You’re really annoying at our team meetings. Objective: You have some good ideas at our meetings; my wish is for you to let others share their ideas as well. Subjective: You don’t respect other people. Objective: You may not realize you sometimes or routinely call other people by derogatory names.

16. NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S COMMUNICATION BARRIERS Language Misread body language Culture Power struggles Assumptions EMAIL/Facebook

17. RESOLUTION – ROBERT VALETT Respect the right to disagree. Express your real concerns. Share common goals and interests. Open yourself to different points of view. Listen carefully to all proposals. Understand the major issues. Think about probable consequences. Imagine several possible alternative solutions. Offer some reasonable alternatives. Negotiate mutually fair and collaborative agreements. YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S RESOLUTION YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S RESOLUTION Robert Valett

18. LAST THOUGHTS - SUGGESTIONS A successful outcome depends on how we communicate. Envision the outcome you are planning for. Acknowledge your emotions. Stay focused - return to your purpose at difficult moments. Don’t take comments/emotions personally. Don’t assume they see/agree with your point of view. Keep your sense of humor.

19. HUMAN RESOURCES IS A RESOURCE FOR YOU Employee Relations 494-1679 Center for Healthy Living494-0111 Academic Units and Communication494-1185 Physical Facilities / Housing & Food Services HR494-9418 OVPIT / Development 494-4380 Athletics HR494-5223 Vice President for Ethics and Compliance 494-5830 Purdue Hotline 866-818-2620

20. QUESTIONS – RESOURCES Perfect Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People, Susan F. Benjamin Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them, Holly Weeks How Impact Leaders Communicate, Powerful Conversations, Phil Harkins Getting to Yes, Harvard Negation Project, William Ury, Roger Fisher http://www.purdue.edu/hr/Employee_Relations/employrelations_team.html http://www.hodu.com/checklist.shtml http://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-Matters/dp/014028852X http://www.google.com/url?q=http://vineyardusa.org/site/files/cutting-edge/09-Winter-Difficult- Conversations.pdf&sa=U&ei=HgWXToyzNK3H0AGX9pS6BA&ved=0CCAQFjAG&sig2=2kEF4Mq- NRF19CSpD8tc8w&usg=AFQjCNH0UbI_shJMubev9FovJR58yPIX1w http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201104/10-ways-make-difficult-conversations-easier

21. Alvin Lee, Human Resources