1. TUDOR PERSUAUSIVE WRITING Henry is advertising (again!) for a new wife

2. Are you bored Are you bored and lonely? Do you want a husband? Are you just making dresses and bread? Well Henry is single again. But he’s looking for a beautiful wife so don’t look like a pig. If you don’t know about him, he’s a superb athlete and a brilliant musician. He’s a bit chubby so he’s good for hugs. He’s also handsome and the most rich and powerful person in England! So ladies, you can stop making bread and dresses, the servants will make them for you. You get wonderful jewellery and he’s strong and greedy so there’s no wasted food. So ladies, what do you think?? He’s got his own royal bottom wiper so he’s got sparkly clean hands and dazzling finger and toenails. His palace has a beautiful view and plenty of tidy rooms so your family could stay for a few days. Ladies you can’t resist, so love or die! CALL HIM NOW! 01321 055501555 By Sebastian

3. Listen all beautiful ladies. Are you single? Do you hate to do the washing-up? Are you suffering from boringness? The why not marry King Henry? He is SINGLE again. Henry is heartbroken about the death of Jane Seymour so apply now! King Henry is paranoid about not getting a new wife, so sign up today. If you marry him you will get millions of servants, jewels and money. He is jam packed with jousting, terrific with tennis and is super sporty. Henry even has his own church, and his own warship, The Mary Rose. Go on your honeymoon on the Mary Rose sailing across the dark blue ocean. Hurry and call today! By Talis

4. Are you single and have been looking for a man for decades? Do you live on your own? Are you worried that you will never find a man? Well fear no more because an incredibly handsome fella is looking for a super amazingly beautiful wife. Yes that’s right, if you are single and beautiful then this is your chance to marry the one and only Henry VIII! Sign up now! Be his wife! Henry is awesomely athletic, epically amazing and he is also a super composer (he will definitely write you a song). When you go out on a date, don’t worry about wearing an old rag, Henry has it all covered. He will get the most professional person in the whole country to make you the finest clothes. When you go out in town people will say, “Oh look! There’s the most famous woman in the country!” “She’s the wife of the BOSS!” “There’s the lady who’s married to the man with his own church!” SIGN UP, LINE UP! TODAY By Hattie

5. Are you stuck in a country where husbands are scarce (and if you do find a husband, they always seem to look like a horse?) Well you are not alone and luck has come your way. Henry VIII is looking for a new wife (who must on no account look like a horse!) His fine belly promises money beyond your wildest dreams and feasts whenever you want. And for another thousand jewels you only have to snap your fingers. Henry is not only definitely the most handsome man in England, but he is also SO talented he hardly needs to be king. Even if he was a simple man (which he is not) he would be just as wealthy as a king. Imagine it, being Queen of England! Not only is he the most attractive man on this planet, but you have only to take one step outside and people will be cheering and shouting as soon as you open your mouth. And this can only mean one thing: POWER, endless power, how could you resist? APPLY TODAY! By Hazel