1. Listening Skills 1 Mentoring and Listening Those who know do not talk Those who talk do not know. –Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching

2. Listening Skills 2 Learning Objectives By the end of this presentation, you will be able to apply the basics of active listening skills.

3. Listening Skills 3Introduction  Masonic mentoring is about making a difference.  Sadly, recent years have seen a steady decline in numbers, but even more worrying is the number of our newer brethren who leave within the first 3 to 5 years of their Masonic life.  Being understood is important to relationships.

4. Listening Skills 4 Being Understood Use common phrases, everyday language. Check to see if they understood you. Explain yourself to your listener. Ask for feedback on how you are communicating.

5. Listening Skills 5 School teaches us to read, write, and speak, but rarely focuses on the skill of listening This omission is unfortunate as listening skills are the most important foundation for any relationship, including working on a team Listening often misunderstood as a passive activity Better to view listening an active experience that requires attentive engagement with the speaker

6. Listening Skills 6 Active Listening Four key components to active listening  Attending responses  Open-ended responses  Tracking responses  Summarizing responses

7. Listening Skills 7 1: Attending Responses Verbal indicators “Uh-huh,” “I see,” “Yes,” “Interesting,” Hmm,” etc. Friendly, informal, tentative tone of voice Short statements and questions Simple language (“talk” rather than “communicate,” “write” rather than “correspond”) Speaking less than 50% of the time

8. Listening Skills 8 1: Attending Responses Non-verbal indicators Head nods & tilted head Suitable facial expressions & natural smile Open posture (rather than crossed arms) Open palms (rather than clenched fists or fidgeting) Regular eye contact (but don’t stare) Gestures that suit the context Appropriate distance (usually arm’s length)

9. Listening Skills 9 2: Open-Ended Responses Open-ended questions are ones that require more than a “Yes” or “No” answer Usually start with or imply “What” or “How” How do you see things changing? What do you think is the problem? What do you see as the most important issue? What have you thought of? I’m wondering... ? What would you like to do about... ? Could you tell me what that means?

10. Listening Skills 10 2: Open-Ended Responses Be cautious with questions Avoid leading questions that suggest you know the answer to the question (e.g., You don’t really want to do that do you?) Avoid why questions that imply judgments about the speaker’s actions or motives (e.g., Why didn’t you try to solve the problem that way?) Avoid too many questions as that may suggest to the speaker that they are being interrogated

11. Listening Skills 11 3: Tracking Responses Reflecting checks your understanding of the content, words, or feelings expressed by the speaker: Content: “You mean you have been able to learn the ritual?” Words: “You say you have not had time to start learning the ritual?” Feelings: “have you any doubts or nervousness about delivering your part of the ritual?”

12. Listening Skills 12 3: Tracking Responses Clarifying gathers further information: Do you mean you would like to take up an office ? Correct me if I’m wrong, but... ? Silence (a brief pause) encourages people to talk. Increase the length of your pauses to encourage the other person to talk more Avoid excessively long periods of silence as that may be interpreted as a lack of interest or attention

13. Listening Skills 13 4: Summarizing Responses Summarize the conversation and then ask a question such as “Is that accurate?” Wait 5-10 seconds for an answer

14. Listening Skills 14 Active Listening 1: Attending Responses 2: Open-Ended Responses 3: Tracking Responses 4: Summarizing Responses ACTIVE SUCCESS

15. Listening Skills 15 Verbal Communication: “ SIER” Hierarchy Active Listening Sensing Interpreting Evaluating Responding An alternative representation is :

16. Listening Skills 16 Other Features of Effective Listening Minimize distractions Listen with respect Avoid assumptions Avoid superficial reactions Situate facts in context Remain focused

17. Listening Skills 17 When Not to Listen Speaker is verbally abusive Speaker monopolizes conversation Speaker is out of touch with reality In these sorts of circumstances Be assertive Point out that the person is behaving inappropriately State that you will not continue conversation unless you are treated with respect In extreme circumstances, end the conversation until the person has calmed down

18. Listening Skills 18 Being Understood Be natural, be yourself, be prepared. Be assertive if you need to be Be positive. Practice your communication skills every day to get comfortable and to communicate well!

19. Listening Skills 19 Natural Break

20. Listening Skills 20 3 Possible Types of Listening 3 Possible Types of Listening PASSIVE – not good (porridge too cold) AGGRESSIVE – not good (porridge too hot) ASSERTIVE – PORRIDGE JUST RIGHT! SEE FOLLOWING EXAMPLES

21. Listening Skills 21 Be assertive: Passive Phrases X I don’t know/care (when I do) X It doesn’t matter (when it does) X Either one is fine with me (when I have a preference) X I’m sorry (when I don’t mean it) X It’s just my opinion... X I don’t want to bother you, but... X It’s not really important, but... Porridge too cold !!!

22. Listening Skills 22 Be assertive :Aggressive Phrases X I don’t need/want... X Your opinion is wrong. X You don’t know what you’re talking about. X You’re doing it wrong. X That won’t work. X You have to... X You need to know... Porridge too hot !!!

23. Listening Skills 23 Be assertive: Assertive Phrases  I don’t understand...  I need/want/prefer...  I would like to...  No, I won’t be able to...  I’d prefer that you don’t tell me those jokes anymore.  My opinion is...  I need some of your time to... Porridge just right!!!

24. Listening Skills 24 Natural Break

25. Listening Skills 25 Active Listening 1 Active Listening 1 Listen with a purpose Listen to understand. Ask open-ended questions. Show interest in other people and what they say. Hear the person out and stay focused on what they are saying.

26. Listening Skills 26 Active Listening 2 Put yourself in the other person’s place. Use eye contact and body language to indicate interest in what they are saying. Give feedback. Ask focused questions. Restate what they said.

27. Listening Skills 27 Body Talk (if Face to Face) Try not to use nervous movements. Use good eye contact. Be aware of your own facial expressions. Pay attention to personal space.

28. Listening Skills 28 Nonverbal Communication Facial Expressions Eye Movements Placement and Movements of Hands, Arms, Head, and Legs Body Posture and Orientation Variation in Voice Characteristics Speaking Rate and Pause Duration Pitch or Frequency Intensity and Loudness Reflecting your brother’s posture with your own to show empathy, encourage him to relax, don’t stand when he is sitting Think about the signals you may be inadvertently sending out:

29. Listening Skills 29 Common Nonverbal Clusters Poor eye contact Glancing at watch Blank stare Drumming fingers Swinging a foot Brushing & picking at items Tapping feet Head in palm of hands Slouching Lack of interest and impatience Boredom Increased eye contact Hands on hips Legs uncrossed Feet flat on floor Sitting forwardDedication or commitment Readiness Increased eye movement Frequent gazes elsewhere. Forced smile Fidgeting with objects Increased leg movement Patterns of rockingDishonesty and secretiveness Deception Dropping glasses to lower nose Hand on cheek Stroking chin Chin in palm of hand Leaning forward Evaluation and consideration of message Evaluation Minimal eye contact Glancing sideways Pursed lips Tilted head Crossed arms & legs Rigid bodyDefensiveness, skepticism, and apprehension Defensivene ss Slight smile Good eye contact Open hands Removing coat Unbutton collar Uncrossed arms & legs Moving closer Leaning forward Openness, flexibility and sincerity Openness Eyes & Facial Expression Movement of Hands, Arms, & Legs Body Posture & Orientation Cluster MeaningCluster Name

30. Listening Skills 30 Enhancing Listening Skills Comprehension is improved by repeating material by both listener and speaker Skillful listeners continue to monitor and modify their concept of what is being said Context clues improve understanding

31. Listening Skills 31 Communication No-no’s X Avoid busy places and times for important communication. X Don’t interrupt. X Don’t focus on being right. X Avoid being a smarty pants and sarcasm. X Avoid generalizations.

32. Listening Skills 32 Verbal Communication: Listening - Recap Effective Active Listening Pay Attention Monitor Non-Verbals Paraphrase and Repeat Make No Assumptions Encourage person to Talk Confirm

33. Listening Skills 33SUMMARY Insert your own summary here if you wish. But remember – we are a voluntary organisation, doing this for fun! So don’t be too hard on yourself or your newer members! By offering a supporting hand of friendship, we too may make a daily advancement in Masonic knowledge.

34. Listening Skills 34CONTACT Masonic Mentoring in The Province of *********** For further advice, please contact the Provincial Mentor For further advice, please contact the Provincial Mentor W Bro *** ******* Tel: **** ******* E-mail: ****@****