1. Attending Skills What does it mean to “attend” to someone?

2. Ivey and Hinkle (1970) Psychology class targeted professor Switched from non-attentive postures and listening, to attentive and back again Professor went from monotone to engaged and lively, then back to monotone (after several attempts to change the class demeanor) Attending Skills: posture, eye contact, comfort level, and listening behaviors

3. Posture Orientation Facing towards client without being aggressive Personal space amounts Message path Open vs. Closed Barriers: physical, non-verbal Sitting style What does our posture communicate? Can posture make a conversation more or less uncomfortable?

4. Eye Contact Engagement, involvement in what’s being said No staring, bug eyes, glazed over, dozing, distraction, etc. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUQAeGkhsoY (Friends: Joey tries to get Monica & Chandler to forgive them so they can have Thanksgiving together) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUQAeGkhsoY What can we communicate with our eyes?

5. Comfort Level Harder to define Is person comfortable with his/herself without being acutely aware of self? Engaged but relaxed Present in the moment http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJPlGgg6wCI (Talking to that “special someone”) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJPlGgg6wCI When are you at your most “uncomfortable” with others? Why is this?

6. Listening Skills Nodding Smiling Repeating but not answering http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP55nA8fQ9I&feature=rel ated (Ray shows us just what he doesn’t know about listening) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP55nA8fQ9I&feature=rel ated Encouraging someone to express him/herself verbally without influencing them with your own preconceived notions or biases Giving times of silence or thinking about what the client has said Able to paraphrase what they said

7. Please Hear What I’m Not Saying Don’t be fooled by me Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks. Masks that I’m afraid to take off, but none of them are me. Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me, but don’t be fooled. I give the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without. That confidence is my name and coolness my game, and that I need no one. Don’t believe me. Please. My surface may be smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever- concealing mask. Beneath dwells the real me, in confusion and fear, in loneliness. I idly talk in the smooth tones of surface chatter. I tell you everything that’s nothing of what’s crying within me. So when I’m going through my routine, please don’t be fooled. Please listen carefully, and try to hear what I’m not saying, but would like to say. Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging, my heart begins to grow wings, very small, feeble wings, but wings. -Author unknown How can we really hear what someone is NOT saying?