1. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four © 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved.

2. 2 Developing Intimate Relationships Willingness to give of oneself –Share ideas, feelings, time, and needs Self-concept and self-esteem –Feeling good about oneself –Roots of identity and self Developed during childhood Relationships with parents and other family members Gender Roles Attachment 2

3. 3© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Friendship Characteristics –Companionship –Respect –Acceptance –Help –Trust –Loyalty –Mutuality –Reciprocity 3

4. 4© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Love, Sex, and Intimacy Love is one of the most basic and profound human emotions Love encompasses opposites: affection and anger, excitement and boredom, stability and change, bonds and freedom Love does not give us perfect happiness, but it does give our lives meaning Men and women tend to have different views of the relationship between love (or intimacy) and sex (or passion) 4

5. 5© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. The Pleasure and Pain of Love Intense love has confused and tormented lovers throughout history Passionate love –Recognize the human emotions have two components: 1.Physiological arousal 2.Emotional explanation for the arousal 5

6. 6© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. The Transformation of Love All relationships change over time At first, there are high levels of passion and increased intimacy Reduction of romance and/or passion can lead to discovery of more enduring love 6

7. 7© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Challenges in Relationships Honesty and Openness Unequal or Premature Commitment Unrealistic Expectations –Expecting your partner to change –Making assumptions –Unsupported beliefs Competitiveness –Focus on fun Balancing Time Spent Together and Apart Jealousy –Is not an element of love Supportiveness 7

8. 8© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Unhealthy Relationships Recognizing unhealthy relationships Ending a relationship –Guidelines of a breakup Give the relationship a fair chance Be fair and honest Be tactful and compassionate If you are the rejected person, give yourself time to resolve your anger and pain Recognize the value of the experience 8

9. 9© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Communication Nonverbal –Ability to interpret nonverbal messages Communication skills –Self-disclosure –Listening –Feedback Gender and communication –Men Competitive tendency Men talk more/listen less –Women Affiliative tendency Seek to give and receive support Obtain cues from listening and eye contact 9

10. 10© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Conflict and Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution skills are vital for maintaining intimate relationships 1.Clarify the issue 2.Find out what each person wants 3.Determine how both people can get what they want 4.Decide how to negotiate 5.Solidify the agreements 6.Review and renegotiate 10

11. 11© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Pairing and Singlehood Choosing a Partner –First attraction – observable characteristics –Similarities (to your own) Geographic proximity, ethnic and socioeconomic background, educational level, lifestyle, physical attractiveness, and other traits –Most important question: How much do we have in common? –Communication –Acceptance 11

12. 12© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Dating American culture –Focuses on getting to know each other –Personal choice –Online dating –Casual dating –Sexual involvement 12

13. 13© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Living Together Cohabitation By the age of 30, half of all men and women will have cohabited Advantages Drawbacks 13

14. 14© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Same-Sex Partnerships Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual –Sexual orientation –Homosexual relationships have many similarities to heterosexual relationships –More egalitarian relationships –Societal issues Same-sex marriage Civil rights “Homophobia” 14

15. 15© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Singlehood A growing and diverse group Nearly 115 million single individuals Average age of marriage is 27.7 years for men and 26.1 for women Many factors contribute to growing number of singles Advantages and disadvantages Enjoyment depends upon many issues 15

16. 16© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Marriage Benefits of marriage Issues of marriage –Realistic expectations –Feels good about the personality of their mate –Communication –Conflict resolution –Religious and ethical values –Egalitarian role –Good balance of individual and joint interests Role of commitment 16

17. 17© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Separation and Divorce High rates…Why? –50-55% chance of divorcing –Process of divorce Emotional separation Physical separation –Greatest stress producing event next to the death of a spouse or family member –Recovery from divorce takes 1-3 years –Effect on children 17

18. 18© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Family Life Becoming a parent Preparation for parenthood Women usually make greater changes in their life after the birth of a baby 18

19. 19© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Parenting Parenting styles –Demandingness –Responsiveness Identified styles –Authoritarian –Authoritative –Permissive –Uninvolved 19

20. 20© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Parenting and the Family Life Cycle Provide a balance of firm limits and clear structure As a child grows… –Needs –Challenges –Marital satisfaction 20

21. 21© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Single Parents U.S. Census Bureau –26% of all children under 18 live with only one parent Differences from traditional family life cycle Single mothers Single fathers Children from single-parent families 21

22. 22© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Stepfamilies 3 out of 4 women and 4 out of 5 men will remarry Should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of a primary family Healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy primary families, and they allow for more individual differences Gain more of a sense of family with shared history 22

23. 23© 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Successful Families Commitment Appreciation Communication Time together Spiritual wellness Coping with stress and crisis 23

24. © 2012 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four