1. The Costly Pursuit of Self-Esteem Amy Canevello Institute for Social Research University of Michigan

2. What Does it Mean to Pursue Self-Esteem? What people do to achieve boosts to self-esteem and avoid drops in self-esteem in their daily lives Actions guided by beliefs about what makes us worthy or valuable – “I succeeded”  “I succeeded and therefore I feel worthy” – “I failed”  “I am a failure and therefore I feel worthless” Playing an active role v. being a passive victim

3. A Paradox Self-image goals, aimed at increasing others’ regard for the self, actually undermine others’ regard for the self and self-esteem Compassionate goals, reflecting genuine concern for the well-being of others, increase others’ regard for the self and self-esteem Does “getting” or “giving” lead to self-esteem?

4. Distinguishing Self-Image and Compassionate Goals Self-Image Goals Manipulate how others’ view the self – Grandma wants to prove that she is a loving grandparent Compassionate Goals Respond to others’ needs – Grandma is responding to my needs KEY: Intentions Both goals can result in identical behaviors E.g., Grandma bakes me cookies… Intentions  Responsiveness to Others

5. Consequences of Goals Self-Image Goals We feel: – Disconnected – Bad about ourselves – Anxious and depressed Others feel: – Disconnected – Less esteem for us – Anxious and depressed Compassionate Goals We feel: – Connected to others – Good about ourselves – Less anxious and depressed Others feel: – Connected to us – More esteem for us – Less anxious and depressed

6. Research Predictions I’m less responsive to others Others perceive me as less responsive Others are less responsive to me Both people’s relationship quality decreases I’m less responsive to others Others perceive me as less responsive Others are less responsive to me Both people’s relationship quality decreases I’m more responsive to others Others perceive me as more responsive Others are more responsive to me Both people’s relationship quality increases I’m more responsive to others Others perceive me as more responsive Others are more responsive to me Both people’s relationship quality increases My self-esteem decreases Other’s regard for me decreases My self-esteem decreases Other’s regard for me decreases My self-esteem increases Other’s regard for me increases My self-esteem increases Other’s regard for me increases I’m more anxious and depressed Others are more anxious and depressed I’m more anxious and depressed Others are more anxious and depressed I’m less anxious and depressed Others are less anxious and depressed I’m less anxious and depressed Others are less anxious and depressed Relationships Self-Esteem Distress Self-Image Goals Compassionate Goals

7. Study 1: The Roommate Goals Study 65 first-semester roommate pairs Daily on-line surveys for 21 consecutive days – From both roommates Focused on relationship processes – Goals for roommate relationships – Responsiveness to and from roommates – Relationship quality (satisfaction, commitment, closeness)

8. Measures: Interpersonal Goals

9. Get my roommate to recognize or acknowledge my positive qualities Avoid appearing ignorant, incompetent, or unintelligent Self-Image Goals “Today in my relationship with my roommate, I wanted/tried to:” (6 items) Be supportive of my roommate Avoid doing anything harmful to my roommate Compassionate Goals “Today in my relationship with my roommate, I wanted/tried to:” (8 items)

10. Measures: Responsiveness

11. Did you behave warmly toward your roommate Did you really listen to your roommate when he/she spoke Responsiveness to Roommates “Today, to what extent:” (8 items) Did your roommate behave warmly toward you Did your roommate really listen to you when you spoke Perceptions of Roommates’ Responsiveness “Today, to what extent:” (8 items)

12. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Relationship Outcomes? A’s Self-Image Goals Day 1 A’s Compassionate Goals Day 1 + Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) - Δ A’s Relationship Quality (Days 1-3) Canevello & Crocker, in press

13. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Relationship Outcomes? A’s Self-Image Goals Day 1 A’s Compassionate Goals Day 1.35***.94*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) -.21*.21*** Δ A’s Relationship Quality (Days 1-3) Canevello & Crocker, in press

14. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Partners’ Relationship Outcomes? A’s Self-Image Goals Day 1 A’s Compassionate Goals Day 1.35***.83*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) Δ P’s Perceptions of A’s Responsiveness (Days 1-2) -.21* Δ P’s Relationship Quality (Days 1-3) Δ P’s Responsiveness (Days 1-3) Δ P’s Responsiveness (Days 1-3).42*** Canevello & Crocker, in press.44***

15. Study 2: The Roommate & Mental Health Study 115 first-semester roommate pairs Pretest, posttest, and 10 weekly on-line reports – From both roommates Focused on relationships and mental health – Self-image and compassionate goals for roommate relationships (chronic weekly) – Responsiveness to and from roommates (pre & post) – Self-esteem & esteem for roommates (pre & post) – Anxiety & depression (pre & post)

16. Measures: Self- and Roommate-Esteem

17. I take a positive attitude with myself On the whole, I am satisfied with myself At times I think I am no good at all (reverse) Self-Esteem (10 items) I take a positive attitude with my roommate On the whole, I am satisfied with my roommate At times I think my roommate is no good at all (reverse) Esteem for Roommates (10 items)

18. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16* Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

19. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.67*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16* Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

20. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.67*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16* -.03 Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

21. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.67*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16* -.03 Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post).19** (.24**) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

22. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Partners’ Esteem for Actors’ A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.48*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ P’s Perceptions of A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16*.55** Δ P’s Esteem for A (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

23. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Distress? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.67*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16* Δ A’s Distress (Pre to Post)

24. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Distress? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.67*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16* -.01 Δ A’s Distress (Pre to Post)

25. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Distress? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.67*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16* -.01 Δ A’s Distress (Pre to Post) -.12+ (-.18**)

26. How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Partners’ Distress? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals.65***.48*** Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ P’s Perceptions of A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -.16*.73*** Δ P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation -.18* Δ P’s Distress (Pre to Post)

27. Study 2 Summary Self-Image goals backfire Create what they don’t want for themselves and others: – Decreased relationship quality – Decreased self-esteem, others’ esteem for self – Increased distress Unsustainable strategy to attain goals Compassionate goals benefit the self and others Create what they do want for themselves and others: – Increased relationship quality – Increased self-esteem, others’ esteem for self – Decreased distress Sustainable strategy to attain goals

28. Implications for the Pursuit of Self-Esteem Underscore how relationships contribute to self-esteem – Processes occur quickly and have lasting effects Pursuing self-esteem is costly for self and others – Strategies that emphasize promoting self-esteem? Supporting others has benefits for self and others – Strategies for transcending the self?

29. Acknowledgments Jennifer Crocker, Ph.D. Self and Social Motivation Lab, University of Michigan National Institutes of Mental Health

30. Thank You!