1. iContact vs. Eye Contact
How Social Media is Changing a Generation and How We Relate
Open with story of Canadian wedding…Obamacare and how infringed on me…
How is your family’s relationship with technology doing? How is yours?
Has it become “the other parent?” 8 hours on average on screens and 2 ¼ hours a day with parents.
Pros: Amazon changed our lives 

2. Proverbs 3:3
Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.

3. Proverbs 7:2-3
keep my commandments and live;     keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers;     write them on the tablet of your heart.

4. Millennials Connected
92% on a social networking site
94% have cell phone
31 % of 8-10 year olds
Millennials spend nearly 2 hours a day texting alone (avg teen over texts/mo)
83% sleep with their phones next to them and turned on

5. iContact vs. Eye Contact
iContact, when respected, can be used to build new and stronger connections with others
When not respected, iContact is equally as destructive and disconnecting
There is no substitution for face-to-face eye contact on brain and relationship development

6. iContact vs. Eye Contact
iContact is for broadening connections; Eye contact is for deepening connections
Empathy, or ability to feel connected to another’s pain, is developed through eye contact
Self-centeredness, on the other hand, is more easily developed through iContact

7. Online Relationships Access to Wealth of Information
Pro: More information; up to the minute
Con: Information Overload
Reasoned learning decreases
Shallow thinking…leads to shallow living
Dr. Nicholas Carr
Con: Rote learning has taken over reasoned learning. Forget about reasoning things out, it’s about telling them where to find the information.
All leads to shallow thinking…and Carr believes shallow thinking leads to shallow living…
Chief Technology Officer of eBay sends his kids to a nine-classroom school where technology is totally omitted. So do employees like Google, Apple, Yahoo, and HP. Waldorf Schools…

8. Online Relationships
“We’ve always had external sources of information that supplemented our memory, but it seems to me that the danger here is that if we, in effect, train our brains to forget rather than to remember you may still be able to find the individual bits of information when you need them, but what you lose is the personal associations that happen when you actually go through the process of remembering something.”
Dr. Nicholas Carr, Pulitzer Prize finalist; Dr. Gary Small, UCLA says parts of our brain really can stop functioning.
Con: Rote learning has taken over reasoned learning. Forget about reasoning things out, it’s about telling them where to find the information.
All leads to shallow thinking…and Carr believes shallow thinking leads to shallow living…
Chief Technology Officer of eBay sends his kids to a nine-classroom school where technology is totally omitted. So do employees like Google, Apple, Yahoo, and HP. Waldorf Schools…

9. Online Relationships “Skimmers” Multitasking- “dumbing down” effect
Studies at Stanford & Harvard
Research shows websites turn readers into skimmers…creating a “dumbing down” effect
Studies at Harvard and Stanford Universities, using brightest students found that ALL students’ performance were reduced about one-third when multitasking…but ALL reported at the end they thought they were actually doing better when multitasking versus sequential tasking.

10. New Trends Attention span and recent social media shifts
Waldorf Schooling
Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, Whatsapp, WeChat…all threat to Facebook

11. Online Relationships Allows you to connect with more people
Pro: More people build social capital
Con: Less quality of relationships; more social isolation; increase in loneliness
Intimacy—digital vs. true
Pro: Maintain relationships from afar / old friends
Con: Expecting more from online relationships than they can give; can’t substitute electronic for physical

12. Online Relationships What is intimacy?
Physiological benefits of laughing
LOL vs. hearing people laugh (mirror neurons)
___________ builds intimacy.
Confrontation online or text
Blocks negative emotional responses which creates illusion we’re doing no harm.
Decrease in empathy

13. Online Relationships Social Media Contagion Effect
John Cacippo, U of Chicago
Con: loneliness transmitted via social networks
Taken to online world, common courtesy and politeness is often missing; increase in social isolation
Pro: As we become increasingly networked, it becomes more vital we monitor how we behave
offline relationships if a direct connection is lonely, you’re 52% more likely to be lonely; friend of a friend, 25% more; 3 degrees out,15% more
2 in 5 users have ended a relationship due to a virtual altercation. We emulate the ways others treat us. One in five people have ended a real face to face relationship after an online run in. VitalSmarts survey, 2013, Joseph Grenny
Researchers have conducted tests that show that people who spend a lot of time scrolling on Facebook are more socially isolated and more frequently depressed than those who do not.
The question, of course, poses itself: are lonely people more drawn to social networks – or does constant surfing result in loneliness over time?
While it wasn’t able to answer the question conclusively, a joint research study conducted by Berlin’s Humboldt University and the Darmstadt’s Technical University did however reveal that spending time on social networks could lead to negative feelings.
The never-ending “envy spiral”
"Envy" was the answer in nearly 30% of cases, followed by 20% of those who deplored “lack of feedback” to their posts by other users. In 36% of cases, subjects said they “sometimes to very often” felt frustrated by Facebook.
Most envied were the vacations or leisure activities of others, followed by social interactions such as, for example, seeing that a friend got more virtual happy birthday wishes than one had received for one’s own birthday. This is different than face-to-face relations, where envy is fueled by the success, talent and possessions of others.

14. Online Relationships
50% of y.o. first thing they do as soon as they wake is check Facebook
Comparing with Others
Narcissism
Voyeurism > Self-Pity
American Freshman Survey, which has accumulated data for the past 47 years from 9 million young adults, reveals that college students are more likely than ever to call themselves gifted and driven to succeed, even though their test scores and time spent studying are decreasing.
Psychologist Jean Twenge, the lead author of the analysis, is also the author of a study showing that the tendency toward narcissism in students is up 30 percent in the last thirty-odd years.
On Facebook, young people can fool themselves into thinking they have hundreds or thousands of “friends.” They can delete unflattering comments. They can block anyone who disagrees with them or pokes holes in their inflated self-esteem. They can choose to show the world only flattering, sexy or funny photographs of themselves (dozens of albums full, by the way), “speak” in pithy short posts and publicly connect to movie stars and professional athletes and musicians they “like.”
We must beware of the toxic psychological impact of media and technology on children, adolescents and young adults, particularly as it regards turning them into faux celebrities—the equivalent of lead actors in their own fictionalized life stories.
Using Twitter, young people can pretend they are worth “following,” as though they have real-life fans, when all that is really happening is the mutual fanning of false love and false fame.
Using computer games, our sons and daughters can pretend they are Olympians, Formula 1 drivers, rock stars or sharpshooters.  And while they can turn off their Wii and Xbox machines and remember they are really in dens and playrooms on side streets and in triple deckers around America, that is after their hearts have raced and heads have swelled with false pride for “being” something they are not.
On MTV and other networks, young people can see lives just like theirs portrayed on reality TV shows fueled by such incredible self-involvement and self-love that any of the “real-life” characters should really be in psychotherapy to have any chance at anything like a normal life.
These are the psychological drugs of the 21st Century and they are getting our sons and daughters very sick, indeed.

15. Gaming
“…the strength of the evidence linking media violence to youth aggression is stronger than the evidence linking lead poisoning with mental retardation and more definitive than the case linking secondhand smoke with cancer.”
– Hunter & Blair (2013)
Have you ever noticed how you have trouble going to sleep after a violent movie? Same with our kids. The Academy says the media violence-aggression link actually trumps the relationship between calcium consumption and bone mass. Everybody knows calcium depletion is hard on your bones. Violent media games, it seems, are even harder on our son’s minds and spirits.
Research across cultures and countries consistently shows that about 10 percent of tweens and teens have a pathological addiction to video gaming. One study in Singapore, a longitudinal two year study found that kids who spent more time playing video games were more likely to become addicts, spending a whopping 31 hours a week on video games. These kids were allowed to play more than 4 hours a day before they spiraled into addiction.
The risk factors for juvenile gaming addicts include greater implusivity, less empathy, social competence, and ability to regulate emotions.
Those addicted tend to be unhappy, more depressed, anxious and socially phobic and poorer in school than non-addicted peers.
All addictions serve the same purpose, to give short-term comfort, satisfaction, relief and excitement—short term gain—and the only reason we call them addictions is because long term pain comes later. The long term pain depends on the addiction: alcohol—cirrhosis of live; gambling—poverty; gaming—social isolation, changes in propensity to violence, truncated social development, academic problems;

16. Gaming
“Research has associated exposure to media violence with a variety of physical and mental health problems for children and adolescents, including aggressive and violent behavior, bullying, desensitization to violence, fear, depression, nightmares and sleep disturbances.”
-The American Academy of Pediatrics

17.    Purposeless Generation Education System Fatherlessness & Divorce
Joshua Straub, PhD ©2013
Education System
Fatherlessness & Divorce
Psychotropic Meds   
(Taming)
(Wandering)
(Numbing)
Technology
Gaming
Social Media
Multitasking
Adrenaline
Narcissism
Loneliness
Dumbing Down
Reasoning
Empathy
The relationship between boys and their fathers is deteriorating. According to the Center for Media and the Family in Minneapolis, boys now relate directly to their fathers, on average, one-half hour per week, but spend over forty hours a week in front of screens. Role modeling, development of conversations and social skills are profoundly affected.
Schoolboys, mismatched in school systems not set up for male energy, are being medicated for behavioral issues at alarming rates. 85% of the world’s Ritalin is used on boys in the United States. The use of antipsychotic drugs on children in general and boys in particular has gone up 500 percent since 1993.
A century ago, the schooling of boys would have involved more debates, more competition, more outdoor learning, more hands-on apprenticeship, more coaching in purpose and meaning. Now, many boys cannot find relevance or the male learning style in schools.
Gurian, M. (2009). The purpose of boys: Helping our sons find meaning, significance, and direction in their lives. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Purposeless Generation

18. R.E.L.A.T.E
Respect
Emotional Control
Limits
Assertiveness
Train the Brain
Empathy

19. Respect How is technology taking over your life?
Know your cell phone and what it can do (GPS locaters)
Become digitally savvy and know what Millennials are doing online
Keep abreast to new technologies (Verizon “family locater” builds a geo-fence)
Relationally…don’t judge your teen or Millennials…respect means… seek the underlying motivation behind their behavior. Golden Rule…

20. H. L. Mencken
"Morality is doing what's right no matter what you're told. Obedience is doing what you're told no matter what's right."

21. Emotional Control Model. Model. Model.
Don't say anything on you'd feel uncomfortable saying to someone in person
Don’t delay responses to messages you want to avoid
Be careful what you say (non-verbal communication is 93% / actual words 7%)
Be mindful of emotions and reactions
Do not compare to others

22. Limits Model. Model. Model. Set texting hours on teens’ cellphone
Put computer in family room
Set boundaries on time spent on social networks and in front of screens
-No phones or screens after 8pm
-Sunday fast day
-No phones at meals or when with others
-No phone until after morning devotions
-Only check at certain times and for certain periods throughout day

23. Assertiveness
Based on Respect…speak your feelings without judging another.
Teach them the consequences of their actions (legally, occupationally, etc.)
Parents, be assertive in your homes. As long as teens live under your roof they play by your rules.
Assert yourself as a mentor and advocate!

24. Train the Brain
Play board games, motor-skill mentoring, teach them hands-on, fishing, hunting, hiking, outdoor leadership
Exercise together
Read books together (not e-books)
Pray and meditate
Relaxation techniques
Sequential tasking

25. Empathy Be safe Doing empathy; more than having it
Maintain healthy balance of online and offline relationships
Build real life network of contacts
Balance time with family and on internet and keep them separate

28. References
Carr, N. (2011). The shallows: What the internet is doing to our brains. New York, NY: W. W. Norton.
Gurian, M. (2009). The purpose of boys: Helping our sons find meaning, significance, and direction in their lives. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Hart, A. & Frejd Hart, S. (2013). The digital invasion: How technology is shaping you and your relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.
Small, G. & Vorgan, G. (2009). iBrain: Surviving the technological alteration of the modern mind. William Morrow.
Turkle, S. (2012). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. New York, NY: Basic Books.