1. PATHWAYS TO STRENGTHENING AND SUPPORTING FAMILIES IN ILLINOIS
Introduce the unit.
A facilitator of family meetings is only a good as his/her communication skills. A facilitator sets the stage for and helps make communication easier between all the individuals working with and supporting the family and their efforts to work together.
We all talk about the importance of good communication skills. Most of us probably think we're pretty good communicators. We may even in our own minds be "rolling our eyes" at the thought of a training session focused on communication skills. And yet, listening "ain't easy". For example, standardized tests have found that people only hear about 25% of the message that is being sent. Obviously, it's hard work to listen well and that's only one part of communicating.
Module 5C - Communication
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2. Job Competencies
Stimulate discussion through the use of active listening techniques, open ended questions, and nonverbal behaviors.
Employ techniques to include quieter members and balance participation as well as active listening techniques and open ended questions.
Elicit information, summarize, clarify, and reframe to facilitate a positive family team process.
Utilize "I"-messages to confront participants as appropriate when managing the family team meeting process.
Utilize basic principles of feedback and an eight step feedback process to give and receive feedback during family meetings.
Review the job competencies associated with this module.
So what can you expect to get out of this session on communication? Let's review the job competencies.
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3. Poem – Listen (Anonymous)
Read aloud the poem, "Listen" .
With these goals in mind let's begin by reading an excerpt of a poem entitled, "Listen", by an anonymous author. This poem captures the importance of listening well and some of the pitfalls we can encounter when we try to listen to clients, colleagues, friends or family.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving advice'
you have not done what I have asked.
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen,
Not talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 50 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself: I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering but not helpless
When you do something for me that I can and need to do
For myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince
You and can get about the business of understanding what's
Behind these irrational feelings.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
So, please listen and just hear me. And if you want to
Talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you.
Anonymous
Poem – Listen (Anonymous)
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4. Active Listening
The act of listening to another person with the intent to fully understand what he or she is saying.
Discuss Active Listening.
The context in which listening skills are applied makes a significant difference. Listening well when facilitating a family meeting contributes to a productive, effective process.
Listening to people increases their level of self-esteem and, therefore, they are more likely to offer suggestions, take risks, speak openly, get involved, bring problems to light, discuss their honest feelings, and be creative. Listening well and encouraging others to listen well can help minimize tension and conflict during a family meeting. In addition, one of the ways a facilitator establishes her/his credibility is by demonstrating good listening skills with all participants. Listening well is often referred to as "active listening".
Active listening is defined as the act of listening to another person with the intent to fully understand what he or she is saying. Active listening means putting someone else's needs before our own - focusing all our attention on the speaker and listening for the meaning behind the words. Our mind must be open, alert, and focused, without being sidetracked into deciding how to respond.
Meaningful communication is actually quite difficult and complex. Each human being has filters through which communication must go before it is received. These filters include our biases, judgments, values, beliefs, experiences, personality characteristics, expectations and rules. As a person sends a message to us, it will be distorted through our filters and vice versa. Only by listening intently and constantly clarifying the messages being sent can we communicate effectively.
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5. Active Listening (Cont’d)
Continue the previous discussion.
Active listening in family meetings presents unique challenges. Those of you here today who have had communication skills training will have an opportunity to think about and practice application of those skills in this very different context. The facilitator plays a key role in modeling good listening skills. She/he also encourages all members to participate and, at times, coaches them in the actual listening skills that will allow them to effectively participate.
Good listening skills are developed over a lifetime. Because facilitators use many skills at once while listening, it may help you, if you wish to improve your listening skills, to focus on practicing one or two specific listening skills at a time. If you are experienced you may want to focus on how to use you communication skills in this new context - the family meeting.
Facilitator models good listening skills at family meetings
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6. Active Listening Guidelines
Listen on Two Levels
Listen without Judging
Remain Fully Attentive
Focus on the Message
Focus on the Person Talking
Reference Handout: "Active Listening Guidelines“ and review it.
There are several broad, general guidelines that form a foundation for active listening.
1. Listen on Two Levels
Listen for the verbal and the nonverbal message when someone is speaking and try to understand both the content and the feelings, needs, point of view or attitude behind it.
By listening to the message, - the content - and the person - the feelings, the experience, the attitudes and motivation - you are listening on two levels and are receiving the whole message.
2. Listen without Judging
Listen to increase your understanding; do not judge the speaker to be right, wrong, on target, etc.
By not judging you are demonstrating to the group that everyone can expect to have their ideas given objective consideration.
3. Remain Fully Attentive
Engage your whole body in listening. Maintain good eye contact and look interested. Occasionally nod your head or offer encouragement to continue such as, "Go on.". Do not interrupt. Avoid distracting movements.
4. Focus on the Message
As listeners we think much faster than we talk. When listening we must slow our thinking and keep our attention from wandering during the time between the speaker's words. Later in this session we'll review some tips that will help you attend to and focus on the speaker's message.
5. Focus on the Person Talking
Try to understand and empathize with the person. Try to project yourself into the situation the other person is describing and to experience similar feelings or sensations.
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7. Active Listening Tools
Clarification
Paraphrasing
Reflection
Summarization
Bridge to a discussion of Active Listening Tools.
There are a number of tools that can help you, in combination with the above guidelines in becoming a better listener. Let's look at these tools, one at a time:
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8. Clarification
Clarification helps check the accuracy of messages as you receive and try to make sense of them.
Reference Handout: "Five Steps in Clarifying for Accuracy“ and discuss Clarification.
We'll begin with clarification. Because most messages are expressed from the speaker's internal frame of reference to which we as listeners are not privy, the messages may be vague or confusing.
Clarification helps check the accuracy of messages as you receive and try to make sense of/process them. You check for clarification usually by asking a question, which can begin with phrases such as, " Are you saying…" "Could you try to describe what you mean by…".
Clarification is an important tool in a family meeting. You can use it to make sure everyone has an accurate picture of the family's strengths and fully understands their needs. In a problem solving process you can use clarification to ensure that each individual's perspective on the problem is clear. In addition, managing conflict during a family meeting relies heavily on being able to clarify each person's position. You can only begin to look for commonalities on which to build a solution once each person's position is fully expressed and clear to all participants.
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9. Clarification Ask yourself what the person told you?
Ask yourself if there are any vague or missing parts to the message that you need to check out?
Select an appropriate beginning for your clarification?
Make a clarification response.
Ask yourself how will you know your clarification was useful?
Outline the Five Steps in Clarifying for Accuracy.
There are five steps in clarifying for accuracy. When you're actually in the middle of facilitating a family meeting you won't stop and think through each step. However, for the purpose of enhancing your skills, it is helpful to tease out the components of a clarification.
First, ask yourself what the person has told you.
Next, ask yourself if there any vague or missing parts to the message that you need to check out.
Select an appropriate beginning (sentence stem) for your clarification.
Make a clarification response.
Ask yourself how you will know if your clarification was useful.
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10. Applying the 5 Questions (Clarification Activity)
The mother states: I don't want Jelisa out running the streets all hours of the day and night.
Apply the questions from the five steps to the mother's statement by asking the question aloud and inviting participants to answer.
Ask: What has the mother told the team?
That she doesn't want her daughter "running the streets" all hours of the day and night.
Ask: Are there any vague parts or missing pictures in her message?
Yes - It's not clear what she means by "running the streets" and "all hours of the day and night".
Ask: How could the facilitator begin a clarification response - what would be the sentence stem?
Something like "Could you tell us what you mean by "running the streets" - do you not want Jelisa out in the neighborhood at all or are there times or situations when that would be OK?"
Ask: How will the facilitator know if the response was helpful?
She/he will have to see if she elaborates or not.
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11. Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing is restating, in your own words, what a person has told you verbally.
Reference Handout: "Five Steps in Paraphrasing Content" and bridge to a discussion of the second tool, Paraphrasing.
Now let's discuss the second active listening tool, paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is restating, in your own words, what a person has told you verbally. It is not simply a word-for-word repetition of what the other person says. Paraphrasing clarifies and validates what the person has said.
When paraphrasing, more attention is given to the cognitive aspects of the message (situations, ideas, objects, persons) rather than feelings although references may be made to obvious feelings. The most important words and ideas expressed by the person are stressed. Paraphrasing tells the person that you have understood his/her communication.
As facilitator you can use paraphrasing to encourage elaboration of a key idea or thought or to help an individual or the whole team focus on a particular situation, idea or behavior. The repetition of key ideas and phrases can sometimes clarify the essence of the problem. This can help when the child and family team is attempting solve a problem or make a decision.
There are five steps in paraphrasing content. The purpose of breaking down the formulation of a paraphrase into these five steps is to help us understand the process and the required content for an effective paraphrase. With practice and over time this process becomes automatic.
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12. 5 Steps of Paraphrasing
Recall the message by stating it silently to yourself.
Identify the content of the message.
Select an appropriate beginning for the paraphrase.
Translate the key content into your own words.
Assess the effectiveness of the paraphrase by listening and observing the person's response.
Outline the 5 Steps of Paraphrasing.
Recall the message by silently restating it to yourself.
Identify the content of the message.
Select an appropriate beginning or sentence stem for the paraphrase.
Translate the key content into your own words, verbalizing it as a statement rather than a question.
Assess the effectiveness of the paraphrase by listening to and observing the individual's response. (If the paraphrase is accurate the individual will in some way - verbally and/or nonverbally confirm its accuracy and usefulness.)
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13. Paraphrasing Activity
The 60-year-old grandmother: If I don't get more support I don't think I can keep this child in my home anymore.
Teacher: Jimmy is experiencing increasing difficulty managing his behavior in the classroom. I'm not sure our BD classroom has sufficient controls to allow him to be a successful learner.
Probation Officer: He's already been picked up by the police three times in the last month. He just doesn't seem to be able to use what we can offer to hold himself together and stay in one place.
Therapist: Jimmy just seems to be really struggling right now and I'm concerned that we don't seem able to keep him safe in the community.
Set up the Paraphrasing Activity.
Now let's apply these five steps to the following example from a family meeting. The team consists of his grandparent, the caseworker/facilitator, the probation officer, a teacher and the child's therapist. They are discussing the progressively difficult behavior of a twelve year old boy. Jimmy was just suspended from school for the third time and was picked up by the police for shoplifting. The team must make a decision about what living arrangement would best fit his needs.
Ask the following questions. Accept responses using following answers as a guide.
Ask: What is the team's message?
That they are not sure Jimmy can safely be maintained in the community.
Ask: What is the content of this message?
Jimmy's behavior in school, the community and the foster home is increasingly difficult to manage while keeping him safe.
Ask: What is an appropriate beginning for the paraphrase?
"It sounds like" , "You think" or "I hear you saying"
Ask: What would your paraphrase be?
"It sounds like the team is concerned that Jimmy cannot be safely maintained in the community.
Ask: How will you know if the paraphrase was accurate?
I'll have to see if the team confirms - verbally and/or nonverbally its accuracy and usefulness.
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14. Reflection
Reflection involves paraphrasing the content of what was said and reflecting back - like a mirror - the speaker's feelings and nonverbal communication.
have an opportunity to practice the skills. For now, let's move on to the third tool, reflection. Reflection is very similar to paraphrasing. However, reflection involves not only paraphrasing the content of what was said but also reflecting back - like a mirror - the other person's feelings and nonverbal communication. Reflection involves accurately identifying feelings and communicating this perception clearly to the person.
Bridge to a discussion of Reflection.
Reflection helps the person feel understood and encourages them to express more of their feelings, both positive and negative. This can be a good way to stimulate discussion during a family meeting. Using reflection when an individual is angry or upset with you can help an individual manage his/her feelings and can lessen the possibility of an emotional conflict. Reflection lets the person know that you understand his or her feelings in such a way that the intensity of the anger usually diminishes.
As a facilitator of a family meeting you can use reflection to mirror to the team their general tone or overall affect if the group appears stuck or concerned about a specific issue. You can also use reflection with individual team members as noted above when dealing with anger or when acknowledgment of difficult feelings may free a person to continue participation in the process.
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15. 6 Steps of Reflection
Listen for the presence of feeling words in the person's message.
Watch the nonverbal behavior while the verbal message is being delivered.
Reflect the feelings back to the person, using different words.
Start the reflection with an appropriate sentence stem.
Add the context or the situation around which the feelings occur.
Assess the effectiveness of the reflection.
Reference Handout: "Six Steps in Reflection“, and review it.
Reflecting feelings can be a difficult skill to learn because feelings are often ignored or misunderstood. There are six steps in reflection.
Listen for the presence of feeling words in the person's message. There are five major categories of feeling words: anger; fear; sadness; conflict; and happiness.
Watch the nonverbal behavior while the verbal message is being delivered.
Reflect the feelings you picked up on from the message content and the nonverbal behavior back to the person, using different words. The choice of words to reflect feelings is critical. It is important to select words that accurately match the type of feeling and the intensity expressed by the person.
Start the reflection with an appropriate sentence stem or beginning. If possible, use one that matches the person's choice of sensory words. This handout includes a number of examples of sentence stems. Reference Handout: "Sentence Stems for Beginning a Reflection“.
Add the context or the situation around which the feelings occur.
Assess the effectiveness of the reflection after delivering it. Usually if the reflection accurately identifies the person's feelings, the person will confirm your response by saying something like, "Yes, that's right."
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16. Reflection Activity Read Handout, “Scenario for Reflection Exercise”
Answer the questions, using the six-step model as a guide.
Reference Handout: "Scenario for Reflection Exercise"
To give you an opportunity to practice developing reflections, I'd like you to read this short scenario and jot down your answers to the questions. When you're finished we'll discuss your responses.
Allow ten minutes for participants to read the scenario and answer the questions. Remind participants to use the six-step model as a guide for developing their reflections.
After ten minutes reconvene the group and ask participants to share their responses.
Possible Responses:
To Harold: "You must be feeling miserable about your family living in this shelter."
To Harold: It really hurts to see your wife so sad.
To June: "It's a helpless feeling when you can't feed your daughter when she's hungry."
To June: I'm thinking that you might be feeling insecure and scared because you don't know what your future holds."
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17. Summarization
A summarization is a collection of two or more paraphrases or reflections that condenses a speaker's messages during a conversation.
Reference the Handout: "Five Steps in Summarizing“, and discuss summarization, the fourth listening tool. A summarization is a collection of two or more paraphrases or reflections that condenses a speaker's messages during a conversation. A good summary incorporates the content and the feelings.
Summarization is also used to pull together the major points addressed and actions taken during a meeting. From time to time during a meeting or in an interview, pulling together and highlighting what has been discussed within a meeting or session is useful for the following reasons:
A summary can demonstrate progress;
A summary pulls together the important points of a message, a problem or a proposed solution;
A summary offers the facilitator a chance to direct the problem-solving;
A summary gives people a chance to reflect on what was covered and think through the issues.
Hearing an accurate and perceptive summary validates the effort and work that was done.
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18. 5 Steps of Summarization
Recall the major issue or series of issues discussed.
Identify any patterns or themes.
Select an appropriate beginning or sentence stem.
Select words to describe the theme or tie together multiple elements and verbalize this as the summarization.
Assess the effectiveness of your summarization.
Outline the 5 Steps of Summarization.
Developing a summarization involves five steps Once again, the purpose of breaking down the formulation of a summarization into these five steps is to help us understand the process and the required content for an effective summary. With practice and over time this process becomes automatic:
Recall the major issue or series of issues discussed during the discussion or over a series of discussions.
Identify any apparent patterns or themes by asking yourself, "What has been repeated over and over?" and "What are the different parts of this puzzle / issue?
Select an appropriate beginning or sentence stem for the summarization.
Using the sentence stem, select words to describe the theme or tie together multiple elements and verbalize this as the summarization.
Assess the effectiveness of your summarization by listening for and observing whether the person or the group confirm or deny the theme or whether the summary adds to or detracts from the focus of the meeting or the interview.
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19. Facilitator: "I'm feeling really struck by all that you have told me about the losses you as a family have experienced in the past year. You've experienced the death of four close relatives; Mr. P lost his job and accepted a new position in Illinois; and you moved here to a strange place away from friends and family. It's no mystery to me why you, Mr. and Mrs. Peters, have been having difficulty managing Jimmy's behavior. Jimmy and each of you must be missing your relatives and your old home and grieving deeply."
Provide an example of Summarization.
Let me share with you an example of a summarization that pulls together the content of a meeting between the facilitator and the family in preparation for the first meeting of family team and validates the difficulty of the situation.
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20. Active Listening
Review Active Listening.
What is important to take away with you from this review of active listening tools is that active listening is much more than simply restating what the speaker has said. Active listening is a search for the listener's meaning and what is important to him or her
Active listening is a search for the listener's meaning and what is important to him or her.
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21. Verbal Communication Skills
Open-ended and Closed-ended Questions
Redirecting
Referencing Back
Giving Positive Reinforcement
Encouraging Different Points of View
Bridge to a discussion of Verbal Communication Skills.
In addition to the active listening tools we just reviewed and practiced there are other tools that can draw people out and increase your effectiveness as a facilitator. Let's review each of these beginning with the use of questions. Questions are an important way of obtaining information both in individual interviews and when facilitating a group meeting. Questions can be phrased basically in two ways: closed-ended and open- ended.
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22. Questions
Closed-ended questions define a topic and restrict the person's response to a few words or a simple yes or no answer.
Discuss Questions.
Closed-ended questions define a topic and restrict the person's response to a few words or a simple yes or no answer. They often begin with phrases such as "Do you", "Are you", "When did you", "Does that". Examples of closed-ended questions include: "Were you mad?"; "When did you obtain your divorce?"; "Do you have health insurance?".
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23. Questions (Cont’d)
Open-ended questions allow the person to answer in his or her own way and to expand on an answer, expressing what seems most relevant or important.
Discuss Open-ended Questions.
Open-ended inquiries allow the person to answer in his or her own way and to expand on an answer, expressing what seems most relevant and important. Such inquiries can be framed as questions or statements. A statement is often the most inviting form of inquiry. Examples include: "Tell me about your conversation with the teacher."; I'd like to hear more about your son's medical problems.". Open-ended questions usually begin with "What", "How", "Who", or "Why". Some examples include: "What is your reaction to that?"; "What, in your opinion, is the best way to…?"; "How would you go about …?".
Reference Handout: "Useful Open-ended Questions.“
While the difference between closed -ended and open-ended questions may seem obvious, social work literature indicates that many workers have difficulty during the actual interview in deciding which of the two types is appropriate at a given point and of knowing in the moment if their own response is open or closed-ended. Practice in using open-ended inquiries can help with this. We'll spend some time in a few minutes practicing open-ended inquiries.
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24. Guidelines for Use Of Questions
After asking a question, use a pause to give the person sufficient time to respond.
Ask only one question at a time.
Avoid accusatory or antagonistic questions.
Do not ask leading questions.
Don’t overuse questions.
Reference Handout: "Guidelines for Use of Questions,“ and review it.
Questions will be more effective if you remember some important guidelines for their use:
After asking a question, use a pause to give the person sufficient time to respond. The person may not have a ready response. If they feel they have to supply a quick answer, they might end up trying to say something that would please you rather than what is actually on their mind.
Ask only one question at a time. Asking multiple questions confuses the person, who may only respond to the least important of the questions, or the one that is easiest for them.
Avoid accusatory or antagonistic questions. Questions can reflect antagonism either because of your voice tone or because of the use of the word "Why". Why has become a word in our language that denotes disapproval or displeasure and can tend to put people on the defensive.
Do not ask leading questions. Leading questions imply what you think. For example, "You wouldn't really do that, would you?" or "Don't you think that…?".
Don’t overuse questions. Questions have a tendency to promote yourself as an expert and reduce the responsibility and involvement of the other individual. Never ask a question purely out of curiosity.
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25. Closed or Open Responses?
"Did your mother ask you to talk with me about the problem you had with the principal?"
"What ideas can you think of to meet this need?"
"What do others think about that?"
"When is your next court date"
"Does everyone agree that these are the top three priorities?"
Quiz the participants regarding Open or Closed Responses.
Let’s go through these statements and decide which are open and which are closed responses.
Closed
Open
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26. Redirecting
Redirecting invites group members to respond to questions or comments that were directed to the facilitator.
Examples:
"What do the rest of you think about that?"
"Someone else must have a response to that."
"That's a good question. Let's toss that out to the whole team. What do team members think?"
Discuss Redirecting.
Another important tool for drawing out participants and encouraging participation in a group is redirecting questions and comments. Redirecting invites group members to respond to questions or comments that were directed to the facilitator. It encourages dialogue among participants and draws attention away from the facilitator.
The purpose of redirecting is to encourage group members to come up with their own solutions and thoughts as much as possible. This honors the group's own abilities and opinions and creates more buy-in. Redirecting puts the responsibility for the discussion on the group's shoulders, not on the facilitator's and begins to knit the group together as a team. Redirecting maintains a balance of participation and helps group members respect and build on one another's ideas.
Here are some examples (see slide) of how a facilitator can redirect the group when she/he is asked a question.
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27. Referencing Back
Referencing back is referring back to something a person said earlier for the purposes of enhancing the discussion and tying participant's ideas to one another.
Examples:
"That may relate to what Jim said earlier, Jim what do you think about that?"
"That sounds like the idea suggested by Pat and Debbie earlier in the meeting. How do the two ideas tie together?"
Discuss Referencing Back
Referencing back is another form of redirection. It is the technique of referring back to something one of the group members said earlier for the purposes of enhancing the discussion and tying group members' ideas to one another.
Here are some examples (see slide) of how a facilitator can reference back when a participant says something similar to comments made earlier.
Referencing back demonstrates that you are listening to everyone and giving credit to people for their comments. It also encourages team members to listen carefully and relate their comments to what others have already said. This can help build consensus and encourages people to become stakeholders in the process. In addition, it keeps you from becoming the expert and taking on all the work.
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28. Giving Positive Reinforcement
Responding positively to efforts made by members of a group to speak out is one way to encourage people to take risks in the meeting
Balance your efforts and be genuine without being repetitious, distracting, or manipulative
Discuss the Verbal Skill: Giving Positive Reinforcement
Responding positively to efforts made by members of a group to speak out is one way to encourage people to take risks in the meeting. Positive comments can stimulate creativity, risk taking and mutual respect. However, a little positive reinforcement goes a long way. Don't overdo it. The trick is to balance your efforts and be genuine without being repetitious, distracting, or manipulative.
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29. Encouraging Different Points of View
Avoid “Climbing Aboard”
Does everyone seem to be agreeing early in the discussion?
Ask for different or opposing opinions.
Discuss the Verbal Skill: Encouraging Different Points of View.
Both groups and facilitators tend to prefer meetings to go smoothly. Families can be intimidated by the formal system in which they must participate and feel they must not voice different ideas if they want to get what they need. As a result of these factors groups may wait for the facilitator or an authority figure in the group to voice an opinion and then "climb on board" and different viewpoints may be suppressed.
Noticing when everyone seems to be agreeing early in the discussion and asking for different or opposing views can help surface other perspectives and help ensure a sufficient testing or development of ideas.
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30. Verbal Barriers to Effective Communication
Usually have an immediate negative effect upon communication
Usually prevent participants from sharing pertinent information and working on issues.
Reference Handout: "Verbal Barriers to Effective Communication“ and discuss it.
Many types of ineffective verbal responses prevent an individual or a group from identifying strengths and needs and sharing freely in the group. This list identifies barriers that usually have an immediate negative effect upon communication and prevent participants from sharing pertinent information and working on issues.
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31. Nonverbal Communication
Attentiveness - listening with all the senses
Eye contact
Voice, including tone, inflection and pace
Facial expressions and gestures
Silence
Distribute Handout: "Nonverbal Communication Behaviors,“ and discuss the Nonverbal Skill: Attentiveness.
As we noted earlier, nonverbal messages also are a powerful form of communication. In fact, if the nonverbal communication is at odds with a verbal message, listeners will respond to the nonverbal message.
Nonverbal communication is expressed through a number of behaviors that include:
Attentiveness
Eye contact
Voice, including tone, inflection and pace
Facial expressions and gestures
Silence
Let's look at each of these nonverbal means of communication.
An important rule of communication is to pay attention to the person who is talking. Listening actively, establishing good eye contact and turning toward the person speaking are good ways to foster attention. Attentiveness means listening with all of the senses - being aware of what a person is saying, the underlying mood of the message, what is not being said, the atmosphere in the room and the reaction of others in the room.
Distribute Handout: "Techniques to Help Stay Focused“ and review it.
Here are some useful techniques that will help you keep focused on the speaker's message:
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

32. Nonverbal Communication
Attentiveness
Eye contact - looking at the speaker's eyes and face in a relaxed manner
Voice, including tone, inflection and pace
Facial expressions and gestures
Silence
Bridge to a discussion of Eye Contact.
Eye contact
Eye contact is simply looking at a speaker's eyes and face in a relaxed manner. It is a way of communicating focus and attention to the speaker. Allow your eyes to blink occasionally and move to different areas on the person's face while keeping generally focused on the person's head. Your eyes should occasionally make "contact" with the other person's but do not stare fixedly. Eye contact is a powerful way to focus attention on a speaker.
In some cultures direct or intense eye contact is considered rude and you must be sensitive to how those from other cultures respond to eye contact. You can adapt your approach to demonstrate attentiveness - looking in the general direction of the person and standing still, for example - but not seek eye contact.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

33. Nonverbal Communication
Attentiveness
Eye contact - looking at the speaker's eyes and face in a relaxed manner
Voice
Tone – the pitch of the voice and the emotional overtones
Pitch - The way the tone of the voice varies when speaking
Pace - How fast or slow a person speaks
Facial expressions and gestures
Silence
Bridge to a discussion of Voice and Facial Expression.
Your voice and facial expressions when interviewing or facilitating a meeting affect those in proximity to you and can enhance or detract from your effectiveness.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

34. Nonverbal Communication
Attentiveness
Eye contact - looking at the speaker's eyes and face in a relaxed manner
Voice
Tone – the pitch of the voice and the emotional overtones
Pitch - The way the tone of the voice varies when speaking
Pace - How fast or slow a person speaks
Facial expressions and gestures
Silence
Bridge to a discussion of Silence.
Silence is a critical tool of a good communicator. Good listeners know when to pause, wait, and say nothing and they regularly put this knowledge to use. For example, after posing an open-ended question, be silent and give an individual or the group time to think through their response.
A pause conveys the message that you really are interested in the response. Jumping in too soon after asking a question confuses the person(s) to whom you are speaking, implying that you didn't really mean for them to respond now. A good rule of thumb is to wait about ten to twelve seconds after posing a question before saying anything. If nobody responds after ten to twelve seconds you can restate the question, explain what you meant by the question, rephrase it or move on.
Using silence wisely in a group using helps make the team responsible for its own progress. When a participant has finished a thought on a particular issue or topic, be silent to allow participants to respond to one another. Again, wait ten to twelve seconds. This encourages the group carry on by itself.
Many people in our culture feel uncomfortable with silence, feeling tension if words are not filling up what seems like empty space. Often people in the helping professions are afraid of silences in interviews or meetings and hurry to fill them. The prevailing perception is that talking is better than silence. Yet silence is actually an important component of communication and should be honored and utilized. It is important to learn to tolerate silence without experiencing extreme discomfort. Manage short periods of silence with calm and patience.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

35. Including Quieter Participants in a Meeting
What are the reasons someone might be hesitant to speak up?
Discuss Including Quieter Participants in a Meeting
During most discussions, there are those who are quieter than others and those who seldom contribute. People may be hesitant to speak up for a variety of reasons:
Possible Responses:
They may believe they have nothing to add to the discussion;
They may be shy about speaking in front of others;
They may feel it is impolite to jump in without being asked;
They may simply have nothing to say at that time;
They may resist being part of the group;
They may wait for an accepting atmosphere before they risk making comments because they may have been in groups in which people were put down or attacked.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

36. Techniques to Balance Participation
Use a direct, but gentle approach.
Ask everyone in the group to respond to the same question.
Refer back to comments made earlier by quieter participants.
If there are several quieter members, invite those people to participate,
Reference the Handout: "Techniques to Balance Participation" and review it.
The facilitator plays a key role in encouraging all members to participate and is responsible for creating opportunities for everyone to participate. It is important to get everyone's ideas and opinions out on the table so that as you move toward solution finding or implementing a decision there are no surprises (For example, you think everyone is in agreement with returning Jimmy home from the residential treatment center and are starting to set a discharge date only to find that the probation officer who remained quiet during all the discussions doesn't believe Jimmy is ready to function in the community.). The key is for the facilitator to be aware of who is participating and who is not. There are a few basic techniques that can then be used to manage and try to balance participation at all times.
Use a direct, but gentle approach. Call the person by name and ask for their input.
Ask everyone in the group to respond to the same question. Go around the group asking each person to respond.
Refer back to comments made earlier by quieter participants. This continues to draw them into the group.
If there are several quieter members, invite those people to participate, "What do the rest of you think?".
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

37. Active Listening Exercise
Divide into groups of three
Review the Nelson Family scenario
Pick a role
Facilitator,
Juanita
Observer
Role play an initial meeting (10 minutes)
Identify Juanita’s strengths
Break down the strengths into functional components
Observer provide feedback / Rotate roles
Set up the Active Listening Exercise
Have participants divide into groups of three. Ask each group to review the Nelson family scenario distributed during the Team Preparation module.
Instruct participants to decide who will play the facilitator, Juanita and an observer.
Participants will role play an initial meeting between the facilitator and Juanita. The purpose of the meeting is to begin to identify Juanita's strengths and break them down into functional components.
Instruct facilitator to use as many of the communication skills just reviewed as is appropriate to help in establishing a relationship with Juanita and gathering information.
Ask the observer to watch the facilitator to see how well she/he uses the communication to understand Juanita and obtain information from her. The observer will use the "Listening Skills Observation Form" to record his/her observations and feedback.
At the conclusion of the role play the observer will give feedback to the facilitator based on his/her observations.
If time allows, conduct three rounds, with roles rotating among the participants after each round. Allow ten minutes for each round.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

38. Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is the sharing of one's needs and concerns while respecting the needs of the other persons involved.
Bridge to a discussion of Assertive Communication.
Another important component of communication is sharing of one's needs and concerns while respecting the needs of the other persons involved. This is known as assertive communication.
In family team meetings this might entail confronting possible abuses of the team's ground rules, ensuring all participants have "equal air time" in the face of domination by a few, or checking the general undercurrent of the group that is impacting the group's process when others might be reluctant to do so. Addressing concerns as they come up allows the team to do its work.
The courage to confront others in a meeting requires ongoing reinforcement and empowerment from the facilitator and other group members. By modeling assertive communication in managing the process of the child and family team meeting, the facilitator helps build the risk-taking behavior of participants and helps increase the willingness of participants to apply assertive communication skills during meetings.
Distribute Handout: "Guidelines for Assertive Communication“ and review it.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

39. "I"-Messages
"I"-messages are a method of expressing one's feelings without evaluating or blaming.
Bridge to a discussion of “I” Messages.
The use of "I"-messages is an effective way to express your feelings without evaluating or blaming others. "I"-messages are an important tool in assertive communication. Rather than saying, "You are inconsiderate", or "You hurt me", the first part of the "I"-message would be, "I feel hurt." "I"-messages then connect the feeling statement with specific behaviors of the other person.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

40. "I"-Message Formula I feel ______________
When you ____________(specific behavior)
Because _____________(personal consequence)
Explain the “I-Message” formula.
This is a suggested "I"-message formula:
Expressing concern and a genuine desire for the situation to improve is a critical element of this process because it reduces the possibility that the other person will misread your motive in raising the issue.
Because people tend to attach more credence to nonverbal aspects of messages than verbal aspects, your nonverbal behavior (tone of voice, eye contact, body posture) must be congruent with your words and your intent.
The response to assertive communication may well be defensive, hostile or confused. It is important, therefore, to follow up by actively listening to the response.
Restate what you have heard, then follow it with an assertive statement. You may reasonably expect to go back and forth four times before the problem is clearly understood. Once the problem is identified, possible solutions can be generated. In a group context these discussions are more complex and time consuming.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

41. Assertive Communication Activity
Pick a partner and find a place where you all can sit comfortably
Read the “Assertive Communication Scenarios”
Select two scenarios to role play as facilitators (10 minutes each), using “I-Messages”:
Confront the negative behavior (facilitator)
Respond defensively (partner)
Use Active Listening to try to identify the problem and come up with possible solutions (facilitator)
Ask participants to pick a partner and find a place where they can sit comfortably.
Distribute handout: "Assertive Communication Scenarios" and ask participants to read the scenarios.
Each participant should select two scenarios to role-play in which they will be the facilitator.
Using "I"-messages they are to confront the negative behavior. Their partner is to respond defensively. The facilitator, using active listening, should try to identify the problem and work with their partner to come up with possible solutions.
Allow ten minutes for each scenario, switching facilitators after the first scenario.
Reconvene the large group. Process the exercise using the questions under Trainer's Notes.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

42. Feedback Principles Describe rather than evaluate
Be specific instead of general
Time it
Focus on what can be changed
Reference Handout: "Feedback Principles,“ and bridge to a discussion of Providing Effective Feedback.
Another important component of communication is giving and receiving feedback. When facilitating family meetings, feedback is always meant to be positive. Its goal is to improve the current situation or performance within the group. Feedback can be about how the meeting is going, whether or not the goal is being achieved, how members are conducting themselves, how decisions are being made or how the facilitator is doing. Its goal is never to criticize or offend. The structure of giving feedback is a reflection of this positive intent.
The following general principles always apply when providing feedback:
Describe rather than evaluate - tell the other person what you observe or what has happened. Avoid all comments about him or her as a person.
Be specific instead of general - describe exactly what happened so that facts, not impressions, form the basis of the feedback.
Time it- feedback should be given as soon as possible after the situation being described.
Focus on what can be changed - make suggestions for improvements that the person is capable of making.
Note: - discussion continues on the next slide.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

43. Feedback Principles (Cont’d)
Solicit feedback rather than impose it
Check the feedback
Demonstrate caring
Continue the discussion on the previous slide.
Solicit feedback rather than impose it - ask the other person if you can give him or her feedback. If the person says no, respect that this may not be a good time. Collaborate to determine a more convenient time.
Check the feedback - make sure your understanding is accurate and fair. Check with the person, or even with others, to avoid misjudging the situation.
Demonstrate caring - offer feedback with the positive intent of helping the other person.
It's never easy to give direct feedback. Some feedback may pertain to an individual's participation in the family meeting. Other feedback may relate to how the team is working together or tackling certain issues. You must decide whether it will be most effective to offer the specific feedback individually or in the group.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

44. Eight Step Feedback Process
Ask permission to offer feedback.
Describe specifically what you are observing.
Reference the Handout: "The Eight Step Feedback Process,“ and review it.
Whenever offering feedback, using the right language and following a structured process can help you handle the task effectively. Let's spend some time reviewing an eight-step feedback process.
Ask permission to offer feedback. - Asking permission lets people tell you if this is a bad time to hear feedback, and ensures that they're ready to pay careful attention. Example: "I'm going to stop the meeting now and give you some input that I think you need to hear. Is that OK?"
Describe specifically what you are observing. - Give a clear and specific description of what you observed. Avoid generalizing, exaggerating or offering emotional accounts. Example: "In my discussions with each of you prior to the first family meeting over half of you stated that Jimmy's behavior in school had resulted in a recent suspension. It's our third meeting and no one has identified this as a need for the family."
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

45. Eight Step Feedback Process (Cont’d)
Tell them about the direct impact of their actions.
Give the other person(s) an opportunity to explain.
Continue the previous discussion.
3. Tell them about the direct impact of their actions.
Describe the impact on individuals, the family or the child and family team.
Keep it very objective and don't get personal.
Avoid blaming.
Deal with the facts of the current situation.
Example: "If we don't identify all the family's needs we can't decide what is most critical and needs to be addressed immediately."
Give the other person(s) an opportunity to explain.
If participants offer input listen actively, using attentive body language and paraphrasing key points.
Example: "You're telling me that things have been pretty quiet at school for the last two weeks and you've been caught up in moving to the new apartment."
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

46. Eight Step Feedback Process
Draw out ideas from others.
Offer specific suggestions for improvement.
Summarize and express your support.
Follow up.
Continue the previous discussion.
Draw out ideas from others.
Frame the whole thing as a problem to be solved.
Get people to offer their ideas.
Remember that people are most likely to implement their own ideas. The more they self-prescribe, the better.
Support their efforts at self-correction.
Offer specific suggestions for improvement.
Make suggestions that will improve the situation.
Whenever possible build on suggestions from others.
Summarize and express your support.
Offer encouragement.
End on an optimistic note.
Follow up.
End the feedback discussion with clear action steps.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

47. Enhancing the Effectiveness of Your Feedback
Openers to feedback
“I’d like to give you input about…”
“I have a concern about…"
"I have information that I think you might be interested in."
"I'd like to make a suggestion, if you're interested.“
Examples of feedback statements
"Instead of _______, it would be better if you _____."
"When you __________, I sense that you are not ___________."
"I'd like to propose that we try ____________ rather than trying to ___________."
Provide examples of statements that enhance feedback.
Here are some examples of language you can use to enhance the effectiveness of your feedback.
Openers to feedback:
"I’d like to give you input about…"
"I have a concern about…"
"I have information that I think you might be interested in."
"I'd like to make a suggestion, if you're interested."
Examples of feedback statements
"Instead of _______, it would be better if you _____."
"When you __________, I sense that you are not ___________."
"I'd like to propose that we try ____________ rather than trying to ___________."
Avoid "usually" or "always" as these words may offer more emphasis than you intended or evoke a negative reaction. Never make assumptions and use labels that describe personal traits such as "lazy", "thoughtless" and "sloppy". Instead offer specific details about what the person did and when. Choose phrases like "how about" or "let's try" in place of "should" when offering suggestions.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development

48. Summary - Communication
Questions
Concerns
Summarize the Communication module. Elicit any questions or concerns and address them.
Communication - one of our seven "Cs" - is the key to productive family meetings. Listening well to what participants have to say allows us to identify both the family's strengths and their needs from their perspective. Viewing the situation from their perspective will allow us to develop a service plan that the family will see as more relevant and "doable".
Toward those ends we talked about the importance of active listening and identified four tools that strengthen our ability to listen: clarification; paraphrasing; reflection and summarization. We also reviewed skills that enable us to draw out participants. These skills included the use of questions, redirecting, referencing back, giving positive reinforcement, and encouraging divergent views. We stressed the importance of nonverbal communication and spent time discussing the impact of voice, eye contact, attentiveness, facial expressions, and silence on our ability to communicate the message we want to communicate.
We also reviewed techniques for including quieter participants during family meetings and how to use "I"-messages to assert your needs and concerns while respecting the needs of the other persons involved. Finally we discussed feedback - how to give it and receive it.
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development
April 18, 2010
Division of Service Support, Office of Training and Professional Development