1. Bergen Community College © 2005 1 VIII. Revising the Research Paper More than proofreading More than correcting grammar

2. Bergen Community College © 2005 2 Table of Contents Steps of Revision 33 Revision and Procrastination 4-64 Multi-Level Focus & 7-10 After-writing Outline7 Organization and Thesis 11-1311 Support Material 1414 Introduction, Conclusion and Title 15-1915 Language Usage 20-2120 Proofing, Spelling, Grammar, Mechanics 22-2322 MLA Review; Revision Overview 2424 Jamie’s Revised Paper and Grade 25-2625

3. Bergen Community College © 2005 3 Steps of the Revision Process 1. Look at the whole paper. 2. Revise in parts. 3. Consider structure, coherence, title, introduction, conclusion. 4. Go over the paper in detail. 5. Review current MLA format.

4. Bergen Community College © 2005 4 Click for short video on revision from English Composition. See Jamie’s first draft. The paper is done! But wait, didn’t the teacher talk about revision?

5. Bergen Community College © 2005 5 Put the paper away for a day. ZZZZ. ZZZZ.ZZZZ. I’m tired. I can’t look at this paper any more.

6. Bergen Community College © 2005 6 Jamie really liked putting the paper away— too much!! But He can’t procrastinate. Revision won’t happen without him. He has to be task oriented. Click for brief video on ideas for revision from English Composition.

7. Bergen Community College © 2005 7 Jamie comes back to the paper ready to actively revise. Does the paper make sense? How will another reader respond? What doesn’t sound “quite right” ?

8. Bergen Community College © 2005 8 Revision takes multi-level focus. Look at the whole paper. Look at language usage and style. Look at grammar, mechanics, and spelling. For information on how to prioritize revisionFor information on how to prioritize revision: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_hoclo c.html

9. Bergen Community College © 2005 9 An after-writing outline helps define goals for revision. Jamie writes the thesis at the top of the page. Then he writes down the sub-thesis of each major section of the paper. Under each sub-thesis, he jots down supporting details/ evidence. Click for brief video on the after-writing outline from English Composition.

10. Bergen Community College © 2005 10 The After-writing Outline The After-writing Outline checks to see if the paper’s organization is logical. It validates the thesis. It checks to determine sections of paper that need more support.

11. Bergen Community College © 2005 11 Reconsider the paper’s organization. Click here to see Jamie’s changes. The ideas don’t flow smoothly. I need to move this paragraph. This information is not relevant to my thesis. It should be deleted.

12. Bergen Community College © 2005 12 Reread the essay for coherence. There should be a logical flow of ideas within the paragraphs and from one paragraph to the next. There should be clear transitions between paragraphs. For more information on coherence, check this site: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/print/gen eral/gl_cohere.htmlcheck this site:

13. Bergen Community College © 2005 13 The thesis statement answers the research question. It is concise and It is specific. It CONTROLS the evidence/support used in the paper. It can change as the paper changes. Click for a brief video giving advice on the thesis statement from English Composition. Click here to see Jamie’s draft and revised thesis statements. Focus on the thesis statement.

14. Bergen Community College © 2005 14 Review support material. Click for video clip on reviewing source material from English Composition. Yes, my support is effective. I back up every point I make with relevant material.

15. Bergen Community College © 2005 15 Sharpen the introduction. Click for video clip from English Composition. My introduction is one very long paragraph. I have to change it.

16. Bergen Community College © 2005 16 Finally, I’m finished. But…

17. Bergen Community College © 2005 17 What About the Conclusion?  An effective conclusion gives the reader a sense of closure.  It leaves the reader feeling the paper has come to a logical end.  There are a number of methods for writing closing paragraphs. For more information, visit Writing Effective Conclusions: http://www.kcmetro.cc.mo.us/ maplewoods/ writeplace/ conclusions.htmlWriting Effective Conclusions

18. Bergen Community College © 2005 18 Oh no! I almost forgot to revise the title.

19. Bergen Community College © 2005 19 The title should be specific and accurate. It should capture the reader’s attention. Jamie changes the title from: Countering the Negative Influence of Violent Television to The Connection Between Violent Television and Violent Teens He feels this provides a more specific description of his paper and the repetition of “violent” attracts reader attention.

20. Bergen Community College © 2005 20 Edit for language. Look at word choice tone style vocabulary clarity conciseness

21. Bergen Community College © 2005 21 Revise to eliminate awkward phrasing. Draft Despite the fact effects of television violence cannot be absolutely established, most experts feel there is some connection between youth violence and viewing violence on television. Revision Although the effects of television violence cannot be absolutely established, most experts feel there is some connection between youth violence and viewing violence on television.

22. Bergen Community College © 2005 22 Finally, the revision process is almost complete. Proofread for the types of errors frequently made such as run-on sentences, fragments, and subject-verb agreement. Remember spell-check checks only the correct spelling. It does not check to see that the correct word is being used. Check for careless mistakes and typographical errors. Pay attention to MLA format and the Works Cited page.

23. Bergen Community College © 2005 23 Inspect the grammar, mechanics, and spelling. Draft Although an exact causal relationship between televison and real violence among teens has not been proven. Research show that repeated exposure to television violence can cause both an “emotional desensitization toward real- world violence and the victims of violence...” Revision Although the effects of television violence cannot be absolutely established, most experts feel there is some connection between youth violence and viewing violence on television. Research shows that repeated exposure to television violence can cause both an “emotional desensitization toward real- world violence and the victims of violence... “

24. Bergen Community College © 2005 24 Review the MLA format. Check the rules for documentation and for the Works Cited page. Here are some of the changes Jamie must make. For more information on MLA guidelines, visit this site : http://depts.gallaudet.edu/englishworks/this site : writing/mlaguide.html

25. Bergen Community College © 2005 25 Click to see Jamie's revised paper. Click for video to review ideas for revision from English Composition. I definitely gave this paper my best shot!

26. Bergen Community College © 2005 26 Jamie’s Grade In conclusion, the relationship between television violence and real- life adolescent violence is complex: “Research strongly suggests that violent behavior grows out of interactions among an individual’s psychosocial development, neurological and hormonal characteristics, and social influences such as media” (Stop 299). The normal adolescent, who grows up in a nurturing family and has healthy peer relationships, will be minimally impacted by violent television programs; however, the angry, depressed teen who grows up in an environment of neglect or trauma, who lacks positive adult models, fails to form friendship bonds and partake in meaningful activities is definitely more likely to find a “script” in violent television programming. While it seems unlikely that there will be less violence shown on television, limitation of viewing time and parental supervision of content, especially of children through middle school, as well as media education programs for all would play a significant role in helping to control teen violence. Well done, Jamie! A thoroughly researched, well organized and well- written paper! A