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Repeated feedback among essays - what not to do Lack of strong topic sentence that orients discussion around support for thesis, NOT plot Using exclusively.

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Presentation on theme: "Repeated feedback among essays - what not to do Lack of strong topic sentence that orients discussion around support for thesis, NOT plot Using exclusively."— Presentation transcript:

1 Repeated feedback among essays - what not to do Lack of strong topic sentence that orients discussion around support for thesis, NOT plot Using exclusively full sentence quotations, often with repetitive language announcing the use of a quote, and comma to introduce long quote: “By looking at this quote, one can see…” or “The following quote shows…” Including quote first and then explaining the context of the quote Incorrect use of parenthetical citation format Lack of mini-conclusion at end of paragraph that wraps up all the ideas discussed with an eye to significance

2 How is the narrator characterized in Bill Cappossere’s short story, “A Wind from the North”? The first-person narrator of Bill Capossere’s story “A Wind from the North” emphasizes the important distance between his own life and that of his unknowable uncle. Topic sentence establishes name of text and author, responds directly to the prompt and sets up a focus for the rest of the ideas. WHAT NOT TO DO Compare to: Bill Capossere’s story “A Wind from the North” is about the death of the narrator’s uncle during a snow storm.

3 How is the narrator characterized in Bill Cappossere’s short story, “A Wind from the North”? The first-person narrator of Bill Capossere’s story “A Wind from the North” emphasizes the important distance between his own life and that of his unknowable uncle. The narrative initially establishes separation between the cold linked to the unnamed uncle and the heat linked to the narrator in the first sentence: When three days had passed and the snow still lay in smooth unbrushed drifts across the cold glass and silvery metal of the car, the neighbors, curious or concerned, began a trail of telephone calls that led, eventually, to my own heated home” (Capossere 145, emphasis added). Set up the context of any quote before you give the quote so that you orient the reader to the events and prepare them for why this quote will be important. Long quotes (3-5 lines within the paragraph text) should be separated from the text with blank lines on top and bottom and five-space indents to left and right margins and single-spaced. Quotations are not needed unless you are quoting dialogue - the format indicates it is a quote on its own. Note the colon to introduce a quote in this form. Carefully use correct parenthetical citation format: end the quote, end quote mark, parenthetical citation, end parenthetical citation, period. WHAT NOT TO DO Compare to: When three days had passed and the snow still lay in smooth unbrushed drifts across the cold glass and silvery metal of the car, the neighbors, curious or concerned, began a trail of telephone calls that led, eventually, to my own heated home” (Capossere 145, emphasis added). The narrative initially establishes separation between the cold linked to the unnamed uncle and the heat linked to the narrator in the first sentence.

4 How is the narrator characterized in Bill Cappossere’s short story, “A Wind from the North”? The first-person narrator of Bill Capossere’s story “A Wind from the North” emphasizes the important distance between his own life and that of his unknowable uncle. The narrative initially establishes separation between the cold linked to the unnamed uncle and the heat linked to the narrator in the first sentence: When three days had passed and the snow still lay in smooth unbrushed drifts across the cold glass and silvery metal of the car, the neighbors, curious or concerned, began a trail of telephone calls that led, eventually, to my own heated home” (Capossere 145, emphasis added). The sterile imagery of “cold glass and silvery metal,” added with “stainless steel sink[s],” “bloodless” hands, and the “metalic taste of loneliness” (145-146) associated with his uncle haunts the narrator, who creates a hollow repeating chorus “five or six days” dead without notice to mark the uncle’s passing. The third paragraph creates a string of five seemingly rhetorical questions, starting with, “What sort of life creates this sort of death?” (145), providing shape to the narrator’s unease with the string of events. The rest of the essay answers this question while further distancing the narrator from sharing the uncle’s fate, that he “never rode” in one of the string of “sleek and sporty and untouchable” new cars that his uncle bought, and so therefore has not been contaminated by his uncle’s weak example (145). Note the lack of indent in the line that comes after, and the follow up on the significance of the quote at the end. Use only pieces of quotes incorporated into your own original sentences to make the ideas more intrinsically your own. Use brackets [] to indicate words you’ve added to quotes or ways you’ve had to shift the langauge of the quote to fit in your grammatical structure. If you continue to refer to only one source, once you’re cited the author in the first parenthetical citation, you can provide page citations alone for subsequent ones.

5 How is the narrator characterized in Bill Cappossere’s short story, “A Wind from the North”? The first-person narrator of Bill Capossere’s story “A Wind from the North” emphasizes the important distance between his own life and that of his unknowable uncle. The narrative initially establishes separation between the cold linked to the unnamed uncle and the heat linked to the narrator in the first sentence: When three days had passed and the snow still lay in smooth unbrushed drifts across the cold glass and silvery metal of the car, the neighbors, curious or concerned, began a trail of telephone calls that led, eventually, to my own heated home” (Capossere 145, emphasis added). The sterile imagery of “cold glass and silvery metal,” added with “stainless steel sink[s],” “bloodless” hands, and the “metalic taste of loneliness” (145-146) associated with his uncle haunts the narrator, who creates a hollow repeating chorus “five or six days” dead without notice to mark the uncle’s passing. The third paragraph creates a string of five seemingly rhetorical questions, starting with, “What sort of life creates this sort of death?” (145), providing shape to the narrator’s unease with the string of events. The rest of the essay answers this question while further distancing the narrator from sharing the uncle’s fate, that he “never rode” in one of the string of “sleek and sporty and untouchable” new cars that his uncle bought, and so therefore has not been contaminated by his uncle’s weak example. It is through thinking reflectively about a life hardly lived that the author asserts meaning in his own life, reassuring himself that his will not be ruined by the same empty drifting. Note the final sentence that ties together the points made in direct acknowledgment of the stated question and my focus for the paragraph as established in the topic sentence.

6 How is the narrator characterized in Bill Cappossere’s short story, “A Wind from the North”? The first-person narrator of Bill Capossere’s story “A Wind from the North” emphasizes the important distance between his own life and that of his unknowable uncle. The narrative initially establishes separation between the cold linked to the unnamed uncle and the heat linked to the narrator in the first sentence: When three days had passed and the snow still lay in smooth unbrushed drifts across the cold glass and silvery metal of the car, the neighbors, curious or concerned, began a trail of telephone calls that led, eventually, to my own heated home” (Capossere 145, emphasis added). The sterile imagery of “cold glass and silvery metal,” added with “stainless steel sink[s],” “bloodless” hands, and the “metalic taste of loneliness” (145-146) associated with his uncle haunts the narrator, who creates a hollow repeating chorus “five or six days” dead without notice to mark the uncle’s passing. The third paragraph creates a string of five seemingly rhetorical questions, starting with, “What sort of life creates this sort of death?” (145), providing shape to the narrator’s unease with the string of events. The rest of the essay answers this question while further distancing the narrator from sharing the uncle’s fate, that he “never rode” in one of the string of “sleek and sporty and untouchable” new cars that his uncle bought, and so therefore has not been contaminated by his uncle’s weak example. It is through thinking reflectively about a life hardly lived that the author asserts meaning in his own life, reassuring himself that his will not be ruined by the same empty drifting. Capossere, Bill. “A Wind from the North.” Imaginative Writing The Elements of Craft (Penguin Academics Series). Ed. Janet Burroway. New York: Longman, 2007. Print. Treat the title the same way here as in the essay. Make sure the way you reference the source in the parenthetical citation agrees with the first word(s) of the Works Cited format.

7 How is the narrator characterized in Bill Cappossere’s short story, “A Wind from the North”? The first-person narrator of Bill Capossere’s story “A Wind from the North” emphasizes the important distance between his own life and that of his unknowable uncle. The narrative initially establishes separation between the cold linked to the unnamed uncle and the heat linked to the narrator in the first sentence: When three days had passed and the snow still lay in smooth unbrushed drifts across the cold glass and silvery metal of the car, the neighbors, curious or concerned, began a trail of telephone calls that led, eventually, to my own heated home” (Capossere 145, emphasis added). The sterile imagery of “cold glass and silvery metal,” added with “stainless steel sink[s],” “bloodless” hands, and the “metalic taste of loneliness” (145-146) associated with his uncle haunts the narrator, who creates a hollow repeating chorus “five or six days” dead without notice to mark the uncle’s passing. The third paragraph creates a string of five seemingly rhetorical questions, starting with, “What sort of life creates this sort of death?” (145), providing shape to the narrator’s unease with the string of events. The rest of the essay answers this question while further distancing the narrator from sharing the uncle’s fate, that he “never rode” in one of the string of “sleek and sporty and untouchable” new cars that his uncle bought, and so therefore has not been contaminated by his uncle’s weak example. It is through thinking reflectively about a life hardly lived that the author asserts meaning in his own life, reassuring himself that his will not be ruined by the same empty drifting. Capossere, Bill. “A Wind from the North.” Imaginative Writing The Elements of Craft (Penguin Academics Series). Ed. Janet Burroway. New York: Longman, 2007. Print. How is the uncle characterized in Bill Cappossere’s short story, “A Wind from the North”?


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