2. “Sticks and Stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.”
<enter> “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” (unknown author). We all know that sticks and stones can hurt you physically but what about words? <enter>

3. “Sticks and stones can break my bones and words can really hurt me.”
-(Conoley, 2008, p. 217)
I think it should say, “Sticks and stones can break my bones and words can really hurt me” as Jane Conoley suggests. We have all felt badly when someone says something to us that is mean or a put-down. Most of the time, we can quickly get over it. <enter>

4. Words Can Hurt Us Over time, this can Emotionally Psychologically
Physically
Over time, this can
Affect Relationships
Lead to Verbal Abuse
However, if we hear these things a lot, it can hurt us emotionally, psychologically, and even physically. <enter> This can have an affect on relationships and lead to verbal abuse. Today I would like to talk about how the meaning of words can be different, how negative words can affect you, the affect of verbal abuse and bullying on children, and some things you can do to prevent the hurt. <enter>

5. Words have Meaning
The meaning can be different depending on who says it, how they say it, and where it is said.
“That was a stupid thing to do.”
“You’re a klutz!”
Words have meaning. <enter> The meaning can be different depending on who says it, how they say it and where. If you were at a party and someone you don’t know says, <enter> “That was a stupid thing to do” to you, you would probably shrug it off and ignore it. If you were with a close friend who said, <enter> “You’re a klutz!” with a smile and laughing, you would probably laugh too. But if that person said the same thing with a serious look and tone after you broke something of value, you would take it seriously. The closer a person is to you, the more the words affect you. Co-workers, close friends, family members, and spouses can have the most affect when they use negative words. <enter>

6. Negative Words from Close Relationships Can be Internalized
This can lead to:
Lower self-esteem
Anger
Unhappiness
Victims become:
Withdrawn
Lethargic
Depressed
(Olson, 2002, p. 17)
Secondly, hearing negative words from close relationships over a period of time can be internalized. Hinton says “The hurting words are no longer outside of you, but are inside your head taunting you, bullying you, criticizing you. You’ve become your own abuser”. <enter> This can lead to lower self-esteem, <enter> anger, <enter> and unhappiness. Constantly hearing negative words can make people feel powerless and not able to change their circumstances. <enter> They become withdrawn, <enter> lethargic, <enter> and depressed. They feel that they don’t have any value and begin to doubt themselves. <enter>

7. Causes Stress-related Symptoms (Olson,2002, p. 19)
Migraine headaches
Nervous twitches
Severe stomachaches
Exhaustion
TMJ Disorders
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Eventually, this can lead to stress-related symptoms such as <enter> migraine headaches, <enter> nervous twitches, <enter> or severe stomachaches. Victims also suffer from <enter> exhaustion, <enter> TMJ disorders, <enter> and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. You can see that overtime negative words can cause physical and emotional problems. <enter>

8. Effect of Negative Words on Children
Teicher Study looked at how mistreatment of children by adults was linked to psychological problems in young adults.
(Arehart-Treichel, 2006)
Children are much more affected by negative words because they haven’t learned how to deal with them. Children also believe what their parents and other adults tell them. Hearing negative words really impact self-esteem and development of elementary school kids. <enter> Arehart-Treichel summarized a study by Teicher et al that looked at how mistreatment of children by adults was linked to psychological problems in young adults. <enter>

9. Childhood Abuse Studied by Teicher
Verbal Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual abuse
Domestic Violence
Teicher looked at verbal abuse, <enter> physical abuse, <enter> sexual abuse, <enter> and domestic violence as a child. <enter>

10. Psychological Problems Studied by Teicher
Anxiety
Depression
Anger-hostility
Symptoms of dissociation
The psychological problems studied were anxiety, <enter> depression, <enter> anger-hostility, <enter> and symptoms of dissociation. <enter>

11. Results of Teicher’s Study
Verbal abuse linked to depression, anger-hostility, and dissociative symptoms in young adults.
Effect of verbal abuse about the same as sexual abuse by someone not part of the family or witnessing domestic violence.
They found that verbal abuse as a child was linked to depression, anger-hostility, and dissociative symptoms in the young adults. <enter> The effect of verbal abuse was about the same as the effect of sexual abuse by someone who was not part of the family or witnessing domestic violence. <enter>

12. Results of Teicher’s Study (Continued)
Verbal abuse caused more problems than physical abuse.
Only sexual abuse by a family member cause more problems than verbal abuse.
Verbal abuse caused more problems than physical abuse. She states that Teicher et al found that <enter> only sexual abuse by a family member had more of an affect and verbal abuse as a child. <enter>

13. Bullying in Schools (Conoley, 2008, Banks, 1997)
Can be physical but a lot of it is verbal.
Includes negative comments, gossiping, threats
Victims include those who:
Look, talk, or act differently
Bisexual, gay, or lesbian
Weak
Sometimes children with disabilities
Bullying is a common thing that happens during late elementary, junior high, and even in high school. <enter> Bullying can be physical but a lot of it is verbal. <enter> Verbal bullying includes negative comments, gossiping, and threats. <enter> Victims include those who look, talk, or act differently <enter> or are bisexual, gay, or lesbian, <enter> are weak, <enter> or sometimes those with disabilities. <enter>

14. Statistics on the affects of Bullying
“The National Threat Assessment Center of the U.S. Secret Service found 66 percent of 37 school shooting studied were led by individuals who felt they were bullied” (Banard, 2009, p. 33)
“Twenty percent of high school students say they considered committing suicide within the last twelve months…” (Banard, 2009, p. 34).
Barnard gives the following statistics that show the affects of bullying:<enter>
The National Threat Assessment Center of the U.S. Secret Service found 66 percent of 37 school shooting studied were led by individuals who felt they were bullied. <enter>
Twenty percent of high school students say they considered committing suicide within the last twelve months…..
Bullying also occurs online. <enter>

15. Cyber-Bullying Bullies feel: Safe Anonymous
Encourages them to do more bullying
Victims:
Can feel negative words 24/7
Don’t feel safe in their own home
Cyber-bullying will probably become an even larger problem because of so many new ways of communicating electronically. People are communicating almost 24 hours a day using text messages, s, instant messages, and things like Facebook and Myspace. <enter> People who are bullying others electronically feel <enter> safe because they don’t have to have face to face interaction. <enter> They feel anonymous. <enter> This could encourage them to bully more. <enter> Those who are being bullied can <enter> feel the negative words any time and anywhere. Therefore, <enter> they don’t feel safe even in their own home. <enter>

16. What to do? “Think before you speak!” Count to 10 Take a deep breath
Phone a friend
Imagine what the child will hear
Hug a pillow
(Donnelly, p. 3-4)
Finally, there are some things that we can do about hurtful words. We have all heard the saying, <enter> “Think before you speak.” Think about how what you are going to say might affect the person you’re saying it to. <enter> An article by Anne Donnelly gives suggestions on what to do before you say hurtful words to a child. Things like counting to 10, taking a deep breath, phoning a friend, imagining what the person will hear, and hugging a pillow will give you time to consider what you are about to say. <enter>

17. Help Children Deal with Negative Words and Bullying
Say what you want or don’t want
Disarm them with “Might” and “Maybe”
Shrug off the teasing
Poke fun at yourself
Say “I like it…”
(Sharma, 2000)
If your child is the target of negative words or bullying, there is an article by Sharma that gives some suggestions on how parents can role play and talk to their children about dealing with it. He gives five techniques to use with non-violent abusers. <enter> Assertively tell them “I want you to stop teasing me.” or “I want you to leave me alone.” <enter> Shrug off the teasing by shrugging your shoulders, looking away, and saying things like “so what” or “doesn’t matter.” <enter> Disarm them by saying things like “You might be right” <enter> Another way to disarm them is to poke fun at yourself by saying things like, “I’ve been called worse.” or “Thanks for noticing.” <enter> Finally, they can deflect the attack by saying “Because I want to be like this.” or “It works for me.” <enter>

18. Conclusion Negative words can hurt “Think before you speak”
Emotionally
Psychologically
Physically
“Think before you speak”
Talk to your children
In conclusion, words can hurt and cause a lot of pain. Over time, negative words can hurt you emotionally, psychologically, and even physically. If you realize this, there are things you can do to prevent or deal with the hurt. <enter> “Think before you speak” and <enter> help your children understand and deal with negative words and bullying. <enter> <enter>

19. Resources
Arehart-Treichel, J. (2006) Parents’ Verbal Abuse Leaves Long-Term Legacy. Psychiatric News, 41:13, 28. Retrieved January 30, 2010, from
13/28.full.
Banks, R. (1997). Bullying in Schools. Retrieved January 28, 2010, from
Barnard, M. (2009). Sticks, Stones, and Words Can Hurt You. Young Adult Library Services, 8:1, Retrieved January 25, 2010, from Academic Search Premier
Conoley, J. (2008) Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones and Words Can Really Hurt Me. School Psychology Review, 37:2, Retrieved January 24, 2010, from Academic Search Premier

20. Resources (Continued)
Donnelly, Anne. Words Can Hurt. Retrieved January 25, 2010, from
words_hurt.pdf.
Hinton, S. Words Do Hurt Me. Retrieved January 24, 2010, from
Olson, J. (2002). When Words Hurt, Verbal Abuse in Marriage. RBC Ministries. Retrieved January 26, 2010, from Discovery_Series /PDF/When_Words_Hurt.pdf.
Sharma, V. (2000). Words Can Hurt More Than Sticks and Stones. Retrieved January 24, 2010, from