1. Exploring Wisdom from King Solomon on sexual communication & intimacy
Jonathan Impellizzeri
PhD, LPC, NCC
Sexual Flourishing in Marriage:
Exploring Wisdom from King Solomon on sexual communication & intimacy

2. What is our culture’s script about sexuality
What is our culture’s script about sexuality? What does the Bible have to say about healthy sexuality & how does it connect to the larger drama of redemptive history?

3. The Song of Solomon Part of the OT Wisdom literature
Not intended as a sex manual per se but as love poetry
Some debate among OT Scholars over authorship and intended interpretive framework
The text encourages & validates their lovemaking: “Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.” (SOS 5:1).

4. The Song of Solomon: Chapter 7:1-6
7 How beautiful are your feet in sandals,     O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels,     the work of a master hand. 2 Your navel is a rounded bowl     that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat,     encircled with lilies. 3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,     twins of a gazelle. 4 Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,     by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,     which looks toward Damascus. 5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,     and your flowing locks are like purple;     a king is held captive in the tresses.
6 How beautiful and pleasant you are,     O loved one, with all your delights!

5. The Song of Solomon: Chapter 7:7-13
7  Your stature is like a palm tree,     and your breasts are like its clusters. 8 I say I will climb the palm tree     and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,     and the scent of your breath like apples, 9 and your mouth like the best wine.
She
It goes down smoothly for my beloved,     gliding over lips and teeth.
10 I am my beloved's,     and his desire is for me.
The Bride Gives Her Love
11 Come, my beloved,     let us go out into the fields     and lodge in the villages; 12 let us go out early to the vineyards     and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened     and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. 13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,     and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old,     which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.

6. Takeaways He notices her personhood
He TALKS!!! & Affirms her character
He talks to her about his longing for her
She is responsive & playful
She is assertive
She is creative
Great sex is far more about the character traits of each partner & the quality of the relationship rather than mastery of sexual techniques!

7. WHAT DOES THIS ALL HAVE TO DO WITH GOD’S STORY OF REDEMPTION?
It tells us something about:
Who God is as a Trinity
Who we are as image bearers
The nature of Christ’s relationship with His church

8. Sexual Communication “Research has consistently found that sexual
communication is important to sexual
satisfaction and sexual well being. That is,
individuals who self disclose more about their sexual likes and dislikes to their partner report having greater sexual wellbeing.”
Byers, E. S. (2011). Beyond the Birds and the Bees and Was It Good for You?:
Thirty Years of Research on Sexual Communication. Canadian Psychology,
52(1), doi: /a

9. Barriers to an Open Dialogue
Complexity of gender, bodies, & desire
Family/cultural confusion & myths
Unresolved sexual hurts & wounds
Inadequate language
(Rosenau & Sytsma, 2014)

10. Debunking Common Myths
Making love comes natural when you love someone
Good sex must be spontaneous
I shouldn’t have to ask, we both should “want it”
What feels good to me will feel good to my partner
Sex is serious business
Sex is neat
Routine sex will loose it’s enjoyment

11. Discussing Initiation
Who initiates?
How often?
How they initiate?
What is initiated?
When the answer is “no”

12. Great Starter Exercise
Pick a book on Christian marital sexuality to read out loud to each other.
Highly recommend When Two Become One by Christopher and Rachel McCluskey.
Easy to read and accurate information.
Pick a time where you won’t be interrupted.
Settle down on your bed and take turns reading the book out loud.
Pause often to discuss what you are reading.
Do you agree with the author?
Does what the author describes fit you, your spouse, or your marriage?
Use the book’s language and subject as a spring board to start your own discussion. 
(Rosenau & Sytsma, 2014)

13. Excellent Resources on Sexual Intimacy
Hart, A., Hart-Webber, C., & Thomas, D. T. (2004). The secrets of eve. Thomas Nelson Publishers.
A study of 2000 Christian women talking about their sex lives.. It’s a good reference for husbands to understand their wives.
McCluskey, C., & McCluskey, R. (2004). When two become one: Achieving sexual intimacy in marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell.
An easy to read book that focuses on the spirit of the act.
Penner, C., & Penner J. (2003). The gift of sex: A guide to sexual fulfillment. Nashville, TN: W. Publishers.
Another great manual by two of the leading writers and sex therapists. Filled with wisdom and practical guidance.
Penner, C., & Penner J. (2007). The way to love your wife: creating greater love and passion in the bedroom. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
A great book on the subject of sexuality from a Christian perspective. While targeted toward men, this is a great choice for a couple to read together.
Rosenau, D. (2002). Celebration of sex. Nashville: Nelson.
A great manual for Christian couples. The first few chapters focus on the heart of sex and being a great lover. The rest of the book addresses typical problem areas. Read through the first section and then pick and choose what you think applies to your marriage.