2. In Your Corner and On Your Case: Creating a Youth Friendly Environment Laurie Frank GOAL Consulting

3. Agenda Context: The Youth – Adult “Dance” High Support & High Challenge: Addressing Needs of Youth – Balancing “Me” & “We” – The Role of Mentorship – Positivity Closing

4. “The world is passing through troubled times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves.” “Never has youth been exposed to such dangers of both perversion and arrest as in our own land and day.” G.S. Hall, Psychologist (1844-1924) Peter the Hermit, French monk in the First Crusade (1050-1115)

5. “Today’s young people no longer respect their parents. They are rude and impatient. They have no self-control.” “Youth love luxury. They have bad manners. They are tyrants. They contradict their parents, talk too much nonsense, guzzle their food, and tyrannize their teachers.” Socrates, Greek philosopher (470-399 BC) Hieroglyphic translated from Egyptian tomb (circa 4000BC)

6. Adults saying you were acting immaturely or telling you to “just grow up!” Being sent to detention at school, grounded by parents, or denied privileges without being able to explain what happened or defend yourself. If there was a disagreement with an adult, the adult’s side of the story was assumed to be true, and yours was not. Being talked about to other adults while in the room, as if you were not there. Being yelled at by adults, but punished if you yelled back. Not being allowed to make choices or decisions that directly affected you. Being told or ordered to do something rather than being asked. Felt loss of control because adults assumed your things were theirs, you were touched in some way by an adult without your permission, or you were physically mistreated by adults. Found a sign on a store that said something like “Only one student/teenager allowed in the store at a time. Leave backpacks up front.”

7. except for prisoners and a few other institutionalized groups, young people are more controlled than any other group in society. told what to eat, what to wear, when to go to bed, when they can talk, that they will go to school, which friends are okay, and when they are to be in the house.

8. adults reserve the right to punish, threaten, hit, take away “privileges,” and ostracize young people when such actions are deemed to be instrumental in controlling or disciplining them.” * * the opinions of most young people are not valued; they are punished at the will or whim of adults; their emotions are considered “immature.”

9. Adultism If you think about it, you will realize that except for prisoners and a few other institutionalized groups, young people are more controlled than any other group in society. As children, most young people are told what to eat, what to wear, when to go to bed, when they can talk, that they will go to school, which friends are okay, and when they are to be in the house. Even as they grow older, the opinions of most young people are not valued; they are punished at the will or whim of adults; their emotions are considered “immature.” In addition, adults reserve the right to punish, threaten, hit, take away “privileges,” and ostracize young people when such actions are deemed to be instrumental in controlling or disciplining them.” * * From an article by John Bell titled, “Understanding Adultism: A Key to Developing Positive Youth-Adult Relationships”. Written for YouthBuild USA 1995 (http://www.youthbuild.org/site/c.htIRI3PIKoG/b.1223921/k. BD3C/Home.htm)

10. Adultism The word adultism refers to behaviors and attitudes based on the assumption that adults are better than young people, and entitled to act upon young people without their agreement. This mistreatment is reinforced by social institutions, laws, customs, and attitudes.

11. Being an Ally Allies are adults who advocate and support young people. They assist young people in their lives, support them when they struggle, and let them know how important they are and that change is possible.

12. High Support High Challenge

18. Center for Youth Program Quality, Youth Voice www.CYPQ.org Center for Youth Program Quality, Youth Voice www.CYPQ.org

19. Center for Youth Program Quality, Youth Voice www.CYPQ.org Center for Youth Program Quality, Youth Voice www.CYPQ.org

20. Relationship Building Time Teeth Touch Eye Contact Listening

21. Resiliency through Positivity Joy Gratitude Serenity Interest Hope Pride Amusement Inspiration Awe Love From: Fredrickson, B. (2009) Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive. New York, NY: Crown Archetype.

23. Positivity 1.Broadens our minds and our hearts 2.Transforms us for the better 3.Fuels Resilience 1.Asking questions and focusing outward (open to new ideas) 2.Connectivity and attunement of the team. More responsive to one another 3.Bouncing back from adversity rather than getting stuck in self- absorbed advocacy

24. Positivity Ratio The Tipping Point Flourishing = 3 to 1 “… only when positivity ratios are higher than 3 to 1 is positivity in sufficient supply to seed human flourishing.” (Fredrickson, 2009)

25. A Place for Negativity Specific negative emotions help us focus and take action (such as in resolving or transforming conflict). Global and unfocused negative emotions overwhelm and poison us. The difference between anger and contempt or guilt and shame

26. An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

27. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “the other is good – he is joy, peace, love hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

28. The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

29. “The freedom of the other person includes all that we mean by a person’s nature, individuality, endowment. It also includes his or her weaknesses and oddities, which are such a trial to our patience, everything that produces frictions, conflicts and collisions among us. To bear the burden of the other person means involvement with the created reality of the other, to accept and affirm it, and, in bearing with it, to break through to the point where we take joy in it.” ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

30. Laurie Frank GOAL Consulting +1-608-251-2234 LSFrank@mac.com To download this PowerPoint: www.goalconsulting.org