1. Families for Child & Youth Mental Health Parents’ Lifelines Karen Hanna Program Coordinator Parents’ Lifelines The Resilient Advocate

2. The Resilient Advocate Disclaimer This is a GENERALIZED discussion. It is not to be interpreted as specific advice in a specific situation. Every situation is unique and requires advice to be tailored and adapted to that situation. If you are looking for advice about a specific situation or child/youth with mental health issues, speak with a health professional!

4. Who We Are  PLEO is a non profit volunteer driven organization that supports families with children, youth & young adults living with mental illness  Incorporated in 2000  www.pleo.on.ca www.pleo.on.ca

5. Our Goals EDUCATESUPPORTEMPOWER

6. What We Do  Operate a Parents’ Lifelines Helpline  Facilitate 3 monthly parent support groups  Issue helpful monthly newsletters  Operate the Source  We advocate for mental health services  Represent the family voice on community committees

7. Other Community Initiatives Suicide Prevention Network Parent’s Lifelines 2012 Mental Health & Suicide Prevention Initiatives in the schools Training for teachers and students workshops for families Increased emphasis on family engagement: new family engagement workshop for service providers increased workshops to increase knowledge Increased conversations - reduced stigma

8. Mental Health & Resiliency Mental health and resiliency: Life satisfaction in youth is most correlated with strong family relationships and the happiness of parents; contrary to the popular misconception that children only want to play video games or watch TV, children are in fact most happy when interacting with parents or siblings. Understanding Society Study, UK Economic and Social Research Council, 2011

9. The Ottawa Public Health Survey 2012 :  28% of Ottawa students in grades reported excellent health  1 in 3 reported elevated physiological stress  12 % have seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year  28 % of students have reported they were bullied on school property in the past year  1 in 5 students reported that they had  been bullied on the internet at least  once in the past year

10. Mental Health Statistics 1 in 5 youth will experience mental illness Only 1 in 6 of them receives treatment Changing these statistics is everyone’s responsibility

11. Mental Health Warning Signs in Youth  Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol  Changes Inability to cope with daily problems and activities  Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits  Excessive complaints of physical problems  Defying authority, skipping school, stealing, or damaging property  Intense fear of gaining weight  Long-lasting negative mood, often along with poor appetite and thoughts of death  Frequent outbursts of anger

12. Mental Health Warnings Signs in Youth Excessive fear, worry, or anxiety Social withdrawal Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits Excessive fear, worry, or anxiety Social withdrawal Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits

13. Adult-Child Relationships are Key Evidence confirms that adult-child relationships are the key Key component to preventing depression/suicide is positive social and emotional connections between – Teens and supportive adults – Teens and school – Teens and community If you have strong connections with adults, then peer connections are not as important (or unnecessary) Teens with strong connections with adults, even if socially isolated from peers are still resistant to depression/suicide Keith, 2012

14. “Screen” Time 2010 Kaiser Family Foundation Survey U.S. children/teens 7 hours/day ”Entertainment screens" Television, cell phones, hand-held games, iPads, Internet games, Facebook and video games 2 hours/day Violent video games

15. Modern Technology ……….. may be harming our relationships Deeper intimacy in relationships being replaced by superficial, weak connections “I have 500 Facebook friends, but I can’t really talk to anyone” “Facebook depression” Facebook cited by name in 1/3 of divorce filings (UK study, 2011)

16. Resiliency Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after a misfortune, blessed with such an outlook, resilient people are able to change course and soldier on.

17. Cultivate Resiliency I Have: strong relationships, rules at home, role models; these are external supports that are provided; I Am: a person who has hope and faith, cares about others, is proud of myself; these are inner strengths that can be developed;faith I Can: communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good relationships Psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D

18. Fail often! Learn Well! "It's interesting how many people are coming up to me and talking about their relationship with failure," he says. "Everyone thinks they're a failure. The only people who don't are the ones who really are." Bruce Grierson, May 2009

19. Eight Ways to Fail Better 1.Lighten up 2.Join the club 3.Cultivate optimism 4.Ask not what the World can do for you… 5.Scale down your expectations of yourself 6.Keep a journal 7.7. Stop blaming yourself 8.8. Act!

20. Life is Multi-Dimensional Four basic dimension to life: Achievement Community Spirituality Legacy Dr. Robert Emmons, University of California psychologist

21. Dandelions vs. Orchids… Most children/youth are dandelions Needs are low enough that they can take root and survive almost anywhere, even when conditions not optimal Some children are orchids Fragile, special/high needs, needing special care But capable of blooming spectacularly (even better than dandelions) when conditions are optimal Ellis, 2010

22. Empathy, Validation / acceptance Understanding Dan Siegel, 2011; Daniel Hughes, 2011; Gordon Neufeld, 2005 Modeling Good Behaviour

23. Empathy A.“I can see that you’re feeling really sad about this…” (giving supportive hug) B.“You’re feeling sad about that? Come on, there’s a lot worse things than that… You’ll get over it…” C.“I can’t believe you are freaking out about that. Let me tell you about some REAL problems. Well, in my day….”

24. Empathy A.“I can see that you’re feeling really sad about this…” (giving supportive hug) B.“You’re feeling sad about that? Come on, there’s a lot worse things than that… You’ll get over it…” C.“I can’t believe you are freaking out about that. Let me tell you about some REAL problems. Well, in my day….”

25. Validation / Acceptance A.“I don’t have time for this right now.” (rolling eyes) B.“Are you crazy? You can’t even get yourself to school on time!” C.“Interesting! Tell me more about your idea.”

26. Validation / Acceptance A.I don’t have time for this B.Are you crazy? You can’t even get yourself to school on time!“ C.Interesting! Tell me more about your idea.

27. Soothing /Understanding A.“I know how you feel.” B.“I can see you are really upset by this. I’m sorry this is happening to you.” C.“Seems to me you are likely causing your own problems with your postings.”

28. Soothing / Understanding A.“I know how you feel.” B.“I can see you are really upset by this. I’m sorry this is happening to you.” C.“Seems to me you are likely causing your own problems with your postings.”

29. The Resilient Advocate I may be pushing your buttons, but I didn’t put them there!

30. Connection before Correction Find things in common Show loyalty – be present when you are hanging talking with them. Give them your attention. Praise a child’s effort rather than outcome Makes plans to re-connect in the future Pay attention to teachable moments Suggestions for Healthy Interactions

31. The Resilient Advocate DEFINITIONS: Resilient: (of a person) recovering easily and quickly from shock, illness, hardship, etc; irrepressible Advocate : one that supports or promotes the interests of another Resilient Advocate: one who can support the interest of another without losing themselves in the process

32. The Resilient Advocate Advocacy Challenges Support vs Enablement (positive & negative connotations) Respecting independence and timelines – it is THEIR journey Lack of engagement with service providers (legality & confidentiality) Family dynamics Fatigue and Burn Out

33. Effective Advocacy Educate Yourself Help to find and gain access to services Help with Appointment Schedules Keep a journal Provide input to professionals Confidentiality is an issue - a legal issue If your family member wants your involvement they can request it Can always provide one way input

34. Caregiver Strain How do we recognize caregiver strain? Awareness of: Our habits Our sleeping patterns Eating changes Avoidance of social interactions Lack of participation & enjoyment in activities

35. Caregiver Strain HOW TO ADDRESS CAREGIVER STRAIN: Seek professional help – family doctor, counselor, etc. Talk to someone you trust Allow sadness but don’t get stuck there Feelings of guilt are not helpful Take time away from the caregiver role Engage in activities that bring you comfort & joy Allow yourself to be human!

36. How Can the Community Help? Compassionate Knowledgeable Non-judgemental Accommodating

37. The Resilient Advocate Toolkit Calm and reasonable Respectful approach Tenacity Knowledge Shift expectations Journal Connections Support Wellness Sense of Humour Carpe Diem

38. The Resilient Advocate As an individual: Make yourself a priority Avoid feeling guilty Keep connected Tune into your feelings & be honest Identify what you really want to do Plan a timeout when stress hits Buddy up Laugh a lot

39. De-stigmatize Mental Health Talk openly Be aware of the types of comments & judgements you make about others that are struggling Let your kids know that you want to hear if they are having trouble Reach out to others that are struggling

40. Maya Angelou “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”